Did you tell your OB that you were going to UC?

[Adaline'sMama]

Im going to have concurrent care, and my first appointment isnt for a few weeks, but Im wondering if I should tell my OB that we plan to UC. Currently, we are not planning to tell family because I think they would freak out. It seems like it would be really dishonest to allow my OB to think that she is going to deliver a baby that we are pretty sure that she isnt going to deliver. I do like her a lot, but I have heard that if your OB knows you are going to UC sometimes they make a bigger deal of a small issue to make you feel like you are more high risk and try to scare you out of it.

Any suggestions?
If you had concurrent care, did you tell your OB your plan?

[ElizabethE]

If it were me, yes, I would tell my OB my plans. Of course, I told my midwives and then they decided they could no longer see me...

I don't judge people who pull the "oops", though. I just prefer honesty. It was good for me in the end... it encouraged me to be much more self sufficient and far less reliant on medical care from others. And in the end, it all worked out. I actually did even find an OB who was willing to see me (when the midwives would not!), but just never went in to him since I was already almost done with my pregnancy, anyway.

I do agree with not telling your family.

I would definitely be prepared for the OB to make bigger deals of things. Even a well meaning OB who seems supportive of you... their field of training just handles birth from such a completely different angle, your ideas would be not matching at all with what they feel is best. They will undoubtedly be looking for any potential problems they can find (it's kind of just what they do). In that case, you'd either need to put your foot down wherever you disagree, or stop receiving their care. My concern with that, however, is that if you get the wrong OB who gets very passionate about your situation, they may interfere somehow. Being respected and a doctor and someone who has all your sensitive information and medical files on hand, my concern is this leaves you particular vulnerable to whatever.

And, I can't forget about the Florida mom sentenced to bed rest when she told her doc she wanted a second opinion. (She went on to miscarry, anyway).

So..... hmm, there is really a lot to think about.

[Adaline'sMama]

I worry about the OB getting passionate about my situation as well. I live in a small place, and there are really only about 5 OB's to choose from. Im lucky that one of them is an import from out of town and is really supportive of natural childbirth. She has a CNM at her practice, and at her old practice in St. Louis, she had a doula in her office as well. I really like her, and I hope I can trust her with the information. Do you think I should tell her at our first appointment (she was my OB last time, so its not a meet and greet) or wait until further along in the pregnancy?

[ElizabethE]

If it were me, Holly, I would definitely feel her out first. Get to know her a little better before you make the choice one way or the other. Besides, you have time. No rush.

[ElizabethE]

Oh wait.... my bad. You said it's not a meet and greet. What do you think of her now? I mean, you seem to like her, so... I don't know. You already know her, yet you seem hesitant. To me, that says something.

[MittensKittens]

I did tell my OB I was having a homebirth, but not that I was having a UC. I saw her three times during my pregnancy, and because state-employed OBs are horribly corrupt and seeing one requires a ton of bureaucracy, seeing an OB with a private office through pregnancy and then giving birth in a state hospital is very common here.

If I were in your situation, I would not risk telling the OB outright that you are planning a UC. I would, however, ask them how they felt about precipitous births and having all options covered. I might lie and say I had a history of fast labors. (Well, not a lie anymore, my second labor only lasted two hours!)

[Adaline'sMama]

Well, I cant really lie to her about anything. She was my OB last time too, so she knows exactly how my labor went. She also knows that I am super into natural childbirth, and that I was a PIA for the hospital to deal with. Basically, they had to break every single protocol for me to birth there. And she made sure that it was set up to work that way. She made sure that no one ever asked me if I wanted an epi and that all of the nurses had reviewed my birth plan before I came into the hospital. I just think that regardless of how awesome she is, an OB is an OB , right? They've gone to school and learned about exactly why every woman should give birth in a hospital. So, I just cant imagine any OB being like , "Oh, cool you are having a UC. youll be fine." I guess Im really just afraid that if she knows that Im planning a UC she will stress me out about every little problem that might come up. And I DO trust her, so I think if she flat out told me "Hey, you really shouldnt do this because of xyz high risk factor," it would affect my decision for sure.


Also, Im trying not to be in the habit of lying to my hcp's, but it seems like its just harder and harder to tell the truth the more I try and take control of our own health.

[jenninjapan]

This is def something I would keep to myself.  No matter how much you like or trust an OB they are still bound by protocols and insurance - meaning generally their first and foremost thought is their business.   You don't have to tell her anything about your birth plans - especially at the first appointment.   I went the honesty route (as in I am NOT having a repeat csec) and had to go through 4 different dr.s  I outright lied to the last dr, but finally got a blood test and the proof of doctor prenatal care should I need it.

You want your OB for prenatal care, not for your birth so why involve her at all in that aspect?  One does not always have to lead to the other.

[SoCaliMommy]

 I plan on keeping that information to myself.  I do plan on casually asking when i'm closer to my edd what i should do if go into labor and there is no time to drive to the hospital just to see what they say.. it's not a stretch to ask since we do live a 45 min freeway drive away without traffic from the hospital. 

[labortrials]

It's not your fault that you can't really have a transparent relationship with an OB.  I would not tell an OB about any plans to UC - there is NO WAY they are going to support that choice.  If you do tell her, are you prepared for the consequences?  I mean sure, she could say, go with God and I'll be there for you when you need me, or she could respond quite negatively and even drop you from her care which is well within her right assuming you're not too far along.

I'd just think long and hard about it.  My FP knows that I'm birthing at home - in fact, she doesn't think the hospital would be a good thing for me and was one of the first to encourage my desire to birth at home.  My OB is not aware of my plans.  I'm sure he has plenty of 'ideas' regarding these next 6 or so weeks for me; he hasn't shared much of his 'end game' ideas and that's ok.  Don't ask, don't tell has its place, IMO!

[Astrogirl]

I'm sorry, I really don't get this:

I just think that regardless of how awesome she is, an OB is an OB , right?

So you:

1) Trust her

2) Think she is awesome

3) Already have experience with her advocating heavily on your behalf in a hospital environment.

I'm not understanding your reasoning for not being honest with her.  Given the relationship you have built with this woman, and how she has gone to bat for you in the past, why would you all of a sudden NOT trust her if she risked you out?

Me personally, if UC was something I was into (I gave birth in an (european) environment where an OB was present, but 'hands off' - she was nearby while I caught the baby myself, etc etc - you dont need to know my story), AT LEAST  I would simply tell her something vague that showed my intentions, i.e.:  'if all goes well, maybe I will be able to have the baby quickly at home and not need to call you.....'.     Perhaps, if shes the type of OB (as mine was) who is open minded (and it seems she is), there is additional help/advice/supplies/resources she could help you with.  I don't know why you would want to sabotage that possibility just because she HAPPENS to have some letters behind her name that automatically vilify her. 

It seems from your last post that your gut reaction is to trust her and not to lie to her - I would go with that, because you know her and you know yourself better than anyone here. Despite what some people would have you believe, there are OBs in this world that are inherently good care providers and will go above and beyond the call of duty to help women achieve the birth they want.  My second birth is proof of that.   Yours has already proven that she has the guts and the knowledge to break protocol.  Good luck :)

[lalaland42]

I think it is a bad idea for a lot of reasons, not least of which is you will be burning that bridge with an awesome OB  should you get pregnant again. I am a big fan of honesty though.

[ElizabethE]

I think if you 2 last posters read the posts which came before you, you would "get"/understand why your advice to her may seem more like a way for OP to sabotage herself inadvertently. HTH.

[lalaland42]

I read previous posts, I just think it is never appropriate to lie to your medical professional. If I make a decision, I own it. Even if it goes against what the medical professional wants.

[Banana731]

how about testing the waters before you jump in?

"i've been thinking i might give birth at home this time..."

gently opening the door for further communication instead of kicking it? you could go from there... 

[ElizabethE]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

I read previous posts, I just think it is never appropriate to lie to your medical professional. If I make a decision, I own it. Even if it goes against what the medical professional wants.

I don't know how you can say that when you are probably not a UCer and have maybe never had to face a situation in your life when not disclosing everything was in your best interest. I also think trying to appeal to her good morals by shaming her into doing something which may ultimately put her at the mercy of someone else's will is a bad move. As UCers, we make and own our decisions all the time, but there's a delicate balance of doing what is "right" versus doing what we need to do, and if you've never been in those shoes in some form or fashion, how very fortunate for you.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by ElizabethE 

I don't know how you can say that when you are probably not a UCer and have maybe never had to face a situation in your life when not disclosing everything was in your best interest. I also think trying to appeal to her good morals by shaming her into doing something which may ultimately put her at the mercy of someone else's will is a bad move. As UCers, we make and own our decisions all the time, but there's a delicate balance of doing what is "right" versus doing what we need to do, and if you've never been in those shoes in some form or fashion, how very fortunate for you.

Yes, disclosing too much information could lead to not having OB care at all, and even facing issues with social services. It is possible to receive OB care and have a UC, and never lie about anything - calling in after the birth would be just fine. Isn't it true that, unlike homebirth midwives whom we pay out of pocket, OBs will not suffer financially if you don't give birth with them in attendance?

[Ldavis24]

mittenkittens you should know that ElizabethE is the spokeswoman for all things UC (sarcasm here)...to disagree with her is to invite a long drawn out argument where you will never win because you are not ElizabethE.

OP...I personally would casually mention home birth as a feeler and see how she feels. If you love your OB so much though that might play a factor in your final decision if you plan on having more children in the same area and want to use her again for another baby....If you do not tell her and UC and then try to get her care again, she probably would be a little less receptive to even seeing you as a patient again.

[zoebird]

I think that I would proceed with caution. As others have said, go to the first appointment (or two) and see if there is a way you can introduce the various ideas, etc. See if she would be open to it.

I would guess she isn't, even though she sounds like a really awesome OB. I would definitely want to keep the relationship with her, even if I had to keep my UC plans close to the vest.

I don't see keeping things private that would cause problems for you (or another) to be immoral; I have no problem withholding information if I think it's appropriate or not something the person needs-to-know right then. 

But, it's a tough call. 

[zoebird]

oh, and I didn't have an OB. 

I did a UP, found an awesome family doctor, was honest with him about UC, and he said if I needed back up, to go to the hospital and say he is my doctor. He does attend births if need be, but it would keep the hospital from "bothering" me (his words) because he was my doctor and i would have had at least one prenatal appointment with him.