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Did you tell your OB that you were going to UC? - Page 3

post #41 of 57

Sorry, just saw you made a decision, mama. GOOD FOR YOU. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! :))))

 

post #42 of 57

Hmm, I dunno.  My previous OB didn't give a crap about 'delivering' my twins.  He wasn't on call, but I know he was in town.  He could have come in for me but chose not to.  He gave great prenatal care, so I'm fine with him getting paid for that.  If the OBs aren't willing to 'deliver' their own patients and participate in HUGE call groups, then honestly, I have not problem NOT being attached to them when it comes to the actual birth of my children.

post #43 of 57
Thread Starter 
There are two doctors that deliver babies at this hospital, so there is a chance she wont be there. She wasnt last time. She did some great work for me by talking to the nurses on the phone, and advising people to leave me alone, but a military cut happy doctor is actually who was there when my DH caught the baby. The doctor didnt do anything except for stitch me up and make some snarky comments about if I was sure I wanted the local anesthetic for stitches...after all its not "natural."

I thought I had made a desicion, but I still just cannot imagine not telling her the truth. Im not good at lying, and it makes me feel really dirty so its so hard for me to believe that I can not tell her my plans for that long. I actually have a friend that UCed and went to her for OB care, so Im going to ask her what she said about it.
post #44 of 57

I am a military dependent and I got all my pre-natal care with my last baby with a midwife at the on-post hospital.  I did like her and she seemed very open to natural methods, but I knew that if I told her that I planned to give birth at home that it would put her in an awkward position because she is not free to support my choice or assist me in any way with a homebirth.  She would "get in trouble" with the military if she did.  I knew that so I did not tell her out of respect, pure and simple.  After I had the baby, I called her only then did I explain my choice.  She was happy for me and thanked me for not telling her.  She confirmed that I did  the right thing because had I told her it would have put her in an uncomfortable position because I imagine as a military employee she would expected to discourage me or even report me.   By choosing not to tell her, I was doing what was best for both of us. 

 

Just thought I'd share that perspective. 

 

Ultimately, you will instictively know what to do.  Just take your time and think about it. 

 

Best of luck!

post #45 of 57
I agree with Astrogirl, if you have trusted her up until now, why wouldn't you want her imput on something like this? She sound like a TRUE ally- you know how much effort she put in to make your last birth good at that hospital. She obviously cares for what your needs are. This is the perfect person to have for OB care for a UC. Let her expertise HELP you, you are fortunate to have it. if you want to feel her out, that's fine. But if you trust her, why not trust her NOW?

I saw an OB/CNM team so that IF something came up that might make a UC more dangerous, I would know about it before. I know some people UP, and that's great for them, but for myself, I wanted to know there weren't any issues going into it. I lived in Mexico and the doc was in Ca, so we talked about what happened of I didn't make it ;-) . I didn't know them nearly as well, so I didn't tell them straight up, but I think they knew.

IF it was a random OB, without the relationship you have built, I would say keep it to yourself, at least for awhile. But this is not the situation.

Only YOU will know what's right, good luck mama!!!
post #46 of 57



 

Quote:
 AT LEAST  I would simply tell her something vague that showed my intentions, i.e.:  'if all goes well, maybe I will be able to have the baby quickly at home and not need to call you.....'.    

To me this is a wierd thing to say.  It's one thing for her OB to advocate for natural childbirth in a hospital, it's another thing entirely for an OB to casually agree that their patient can reasonably expect to just have their baby at home unattended on purpose.  Doctors go to school to "deliver" babies, they get paid to "deliver" babies.  Her OB's interest is in delivering that baby, her life's work is in part delivering babies. 

Keep it to yourself would be my advice, I would think of it as more an oops don't ask don't tell thing and I doubt she's gonna be askin' ya, lol.

post #47 of 57

Quote:

Originally Posted by calldeville View Post

Hello, Holly. I appreciate your concern and thought that you're putting into this question. My two cents: you need to be honest with your OB. Only then can she truly provide the care and guidance that you need and deserve. You say yourself that she is good and compassionate and you two have a history and so far you've worked well together.

 

This is a bad analogy, but when a doctor asks during a regular checkup, "How often do you drink?" And someone says "A glass of wine each night." If it's really half a bottle of Jack each night, then a doctor needs to know that. Don't worry about judgments, just be honest with the hopes of getting and providing the best care possible for your child.

 

Even if she tries to talk you out of it or worry you, really that just makes you think that much more ahead and plan ahead and investigate possibilities. 

 

UC is not illegal in Kentucky so all she can do is warn you or inform or advise.

 I strongly disagree.  I would not trust a doctor with that information and agree with your decision.  AND it is not critical to the care you receive.  The doctor doesn't need to adjust anything s/he is doing for your actual health care because of this information.  In a reality where your choice to have a homebirth was honored, where doctors just accepted it either way and did not have a heavy bias against one of the choices and way to much power to put you under a spotlight if you choose the "wrong" one, where you need not be fearful of the reaction to having the homebirth, you could just be open and honest.

 

There are too many risks to honesty and no real benefits.   

 

The most I would ever say to a doctor in that kind of situation would be:  "We really want a homebirth and are seeing you because we haven't found a midwife.  If we were to find a care provider we might change care even in late PG."  That would give her a tiny heads up that you have other hopes and that things may go differently in the end.  But it's more honest not to say anything at all I suppose.

post #48 of 57

I definitely would not tell. You don't owe her this. As much as we like to think our doctors really are in to us, they really are doing their job. She is not going to feel betrayed if you do not come to her. I have no intention of telling my OB. I will tell her after the fact and let her believe it was an opps.

post #49 of 57

Remember, if you tell her your plans, she can and probably will drop you. There is nothing forcing her to stay as your doctor.

post #50 of 57

Interesting post!!

 

As an OB myself for the last 25 years and having a c. Section rate never over 8.6%---most of those REPEATS who DECLINE VBAC offers---I do Vbacs, vaginal breeches, doulas.......   It is not MY birth experience after all.  Oh by the way I have done WELL over 400 vaginal breeches and NONE have died (reference another post )

 

I would just say one thing.

 

I myself will not go swimming or to a movie with my children,  if I know that someone is out there who I have checked that day and is in early labor.  After all---wouldn't you WANT your OB there (Oh yes ---I do solo call)----I mean if she didn't show up when you wanted HER ---you would be royally p****ssed off---no???

 

At the very LEAST  if she checks you and tells you that you are in early labor---place a call later to her office or have her answering service advise her that you are planning a home birth and fax her something that releases her from having to "stand by"---after all she is NOT getting paid for the delivery---OB care and DELIVERY are billed separately unless the doctor does the delivery--in which case it is global fee.  Or write up something in an envelope that advises her of your intentions and releases her---and drop it off.   Or do you EXPECT her to be "available" in case the proverbial s*it hits the fan---a PPH or fetal distress or you push for 5 hours and nothing happens???  IS this the "right " thing to do?

 

I believe in doing the decent thing at all times--and have raised my children to do the same.  After all the doctor can't jail you or fine you---but let me ask you all something---I see a LOT of criticism of doctors---called them duplicitous and outright liars--yet you jump up and down with glee and support of doing something that ---if you asked your CHILDREN their opinion---is the very thing you are condemning!!   Hmmmmmm!?!?!?

 

post #51 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

I definitely would not tell. You don't owe her this. As much as we like to think our doctors really are in to us, they really are doing their job. She is not going to feel betrayed if you do not come to her. I have no intention of telling my OB. I will tell her after the fact and let her believe it was an opps.


I actually feel VERY hurt and betrayed when a patient is later found to have lied to me all along-----and we aren't so stupid as to think it was an "oops".

 

We are human after all---and not ALL evil----If I wanted to make a ton on money I would have gone into opthamology and do Lasix surgery 3 days a week---no call--no weekends, no nights--no sitting at the hospital for 12 hours waiting for a woman to VBAC, no missed birthdays because I put the patient FIRST---and believe it or not we actually went into this field because we ENJOY working with women and I spend many hours writing to congressmen and HMOs fighting for what is right for women---so PLEASE-----PLEASE  stop painting us ALL with the same stereotypical brush

 

post #52 of 57

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post #53 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlest birds View Post

Quote:

 I strongly disagree.  I would not trust a doctor with that information and agree with your decision.  AND it is not critical to the care you receive.  The doctor doesn't need to adjust anything s/he is doing for your actual health care because of this information.  In a reality where your choice to have a homebirth was honored, where doctors just accepted it either way and did not have a heavy bias against one of the choices and way to much power to put you under a spotlight if you choose the "wrong" one, where you need not be fearful of the reaction to having the homebirth, you could just be open and honest.

 

There are too many risks to honesty and no real benefits.   

 

The most I would ever say to a doctor in that kind of situation would be:  "We really want a homebirth and are seeing you because we haven't found a midwife.  If we were to find a care provider we might change care even in late PG."  That would give her a tiny heads up that you have other hopes and that things may go differently in the end.  But it's more honest not to say anything at all I suppose.



This is kind of what I was thinking when I started this thread. Why would she need to know? Not what are the reasons that I should tell her to keep our personal relationship great, but why, medically would she need to know this information?

I'd also like to add that while she avocated for me last time, she was not there. She was out of town and the OB who did end up delivering DD is a cut happy ex military doctor who has recently had his license revoked for giving a woman a hysterectomy that was not medically necessary. He also had terrible bedside manner (by terrible I mean he joked about my need for a natural birth while stitching me up and gave me the greatest parenting advice ever "Never pick up a crying baby. You control them, they dont control you eyesroll.gif)
post #54 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlest birds View Post

Quote:

 I strongly disagree.  I would not trust a doctor with that information and agree with your decision.  AND it is not critical to the care you receive.  The doctor doesn't need to adjust anything s/he is doing for your actual health care because of this information.  In a reality where your choice to have a homebirth was honored, where doctors just accepted it either way and did not have a heavy bias against one of the choices and way to much power to put you under a spotlight if you choose the "wrong" one, where you need not be fearful of the reaction to having the homebirth, you could just be open and honest.

 

There are too many risks to honesty and no real benefits.   

 

I agree with everything in this post!  I have not and would not ever tell an OB that I was planning a UC.  I told the OB's from my first two UC's that I was planning a homebirth and wanted a back-up doc in case a situation/condition arises that precludes a safe homebirth.  That was the truth.  I also saw a midwife during those two pregnancies (who DID know I was planning UC).  The obstetricians knew about the midwife and likely assumed she would be at the births although I never stated that.  

 

Any health care professional I hire is, I feel, on a need-to-know basis. 

 

post #55 of 57

NO NO NO and NO.  In my area ob's have the right to FORCE women into csections and get cps involved if they don't agree with your choices in birth. (not personal experience, 2nd hand from a professional)  A woman's right to birth freely is still a battleground in most places.  So for that reason I would not feel compelled to tell the person who stand to loose the most $ from my decision.  It is not their beezwax IMHO.  You just have to tell them you have decided to go in a different direction.  Now if you want to remain in their care, you do kinda have to play by their rules, though.  They should be aware that they are only providing prenatal care and will not be delivering.  That is only fair, right? 

post #56 of 57

sorry, double post :P

post #57 of 57
Thread Starter 
Thanks. I am going to my first appointment on Wednesday, and I am not going to tell her. I havent yet decided if I will tell her at all (I am still honestly deciding if I really want to have a UC), but I will be sure to update if I do.
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