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7 year old still not wiping properly at wits END!!!

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

My 7 year old either has both bad wiping skills (or rather doesn't take the time to do it) and sometimes has near-miss poop accidents.  Sometimes this happens at school and I am terrified the other kids will get a whiff of her and she'll get a nickname or get teased.  I've given her panty shields to help with the "but we were out at the playground" problem and also individually packaged wet toilet wipes.  Neither of these have helped significantly.  I'm throwing out underwear because it is so stained, and frankly, I'm tired of the poop thing.  7 year old poop seems to be WAAAAY more offensive than when they were babies and I was washing diapers.  I've asked her to wash them herself, but it is a huge production and takes time for me to supervise.

 

Perhaps this is a discipline issue, but I thought I would start here.  Any suggestions?  We've tried sticker charts and rewards, we've also done the negative consequences, but nothing really fazes her.

 

HELP!!!

post #2 of 14

at home my dd's use baby wipes after a6  number 2. I tell them to keep wiping with a new wipe until no poop wipes off. Works at home. My dd1 who is 6 now has a purse she likes to carry. I put a ziplock with wipes in it for when she is out.

post #3 of 14

my son is 9 and still can't wipe properly.  He is completely uncoordinated and has difficult really "reaching around", YKWIM? So we still end up with stained/poopie boxers. I would never discipline him about it!!! How humiliating.  It's not like he doesn't wipe well on purpose. 

 

Baby wipes and toddler wipes are too small for him to do a proper job so I buy generic brand flushable "adult" wipes. They really help! We have a box in each bathroom and we travel with them too. Still every so I often have to do a butt check. 

post #4 of 14
Have the school nurse or pediatrician explain to your child why proper hygiene is so important. I found that sometimes my kids would listen to a third party better than "just mom".


And you are right, your child will soon get to an age where this will affect her socially. Best to nip it in the bud now.
post #5 of 14
Thread Starter 

The negative consequences are usually based on her being unmotivated to take care of herself properly when she has the urge.  She will try and hold in her poop, not successfully, during her TV hour.  I've told her she can have an extra five minutes at the end, if she needs to use the toilet, but if she doesn't just go when she needs to (and stains her undies) then no TV hour the next day.  I've explained all about encopresis and how if she keeps withholding she could end up not being able to control herself.

 

I like the idea of having the nurse mention it, although I don't want to embarrass her -  but I guess we need to try something different 'cause what I'm doing ain't working!

 

 

 

post #6 of 14

It might not be wiping issue but a leakage issues.  The softer stuff leaks around the harder stuff leaving skids.  She might not feel that she has had this happen.  She might seem to poop regularly.  However there is a unique pattern.  Small softer BM for a week or two then a HUGE harder bm.  

 

Please have your child looked at by a doctor to make sure Encropresis is not the real issue. 

post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 

No, luckily it has been ruled out.  I thought the eval would make a difference but nope.  Some days there isn't "accident" amount, just sloppy/unmotivated wiping.

 

 

 

post #8 of 14


Send her to the bathroom before TV hour if that time is an issue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom22girls View Post

The negative consequences are usually based on her being unmotivated to take care of herself properly when she has the urge.  She will try and hold in her poop, not successfully, during her TV hour.  I've told her she can have an extra five minutes at the end, if she needs to use the toilet, but if she doesn't just go when she needs to (and stains her undies) then no TV hour the next day.  I've explained all about encopresis and how if she keeps withholding she could end up not being able to control herself.

 

I like the idea of having the nurse mention it, although I don't want to embarrass her -  but I guess we need to try something different 'cause what I'm doing ain't working!

 

 

 



 

post #9 of 14

Wiping skills and near misses are two different issues in our house.

 

I don't think the kids really get a good hang of things by 7.  I know my kids didn't, and we even have wipes you can flush.  It takes awhile to get the hang of everything down, including getting the right amount of toilet paper for the job, or holding on to the wipe just right, not to mention the reaching around part of the deal. I can't even remember how old my eldest son was by the time he finally didn't need my help wiping his rear.  I can still hear him yelling "Done pooping"..... my signal to come help him.  Good grief, I thought that went on forever, but, you know what.... he is 11 now and I only get a holler if he needs a refill for the box of wipes. 

 

Now, near misses cover 3 issues off the top of my head.  Diarrhea .... usually related to lactose intolerance.  Constipation.... and it is held because it might be uncomfortable, but eventually will try to come out, but will get held and can end up causing "skids".  And, being distracted... like the TV deal you mention.

 

I would, just based on our own circumstances and experience...... eliminate dairy, if it could be suspected at all.  Work on adding fiber... but the kind that doesn't add mush.  And, if you see that your child has to go, just turn the TV off, tell her to go, and that you will turn it back on when she is done.

 

And, yes, older kid poop is pretty bad.  Remember, though, that in a few years, this will be a faint memory.  You'll have had to throw out those underwear anyway as she grows for bigger ones.  There will be just fewer to toss out later.  

post #10 of 14

I wouldn't worry too much about embarrassing her by having the school nurse speak with her (a brilliant idea) because it is better that she gets embarrassed by a defined source, and expected one (you can be at home at the ready to further discuss the situation or at least help her if she is embarrassed) then the ultimate betrayal of a schoolmate.  Which if she actually smells of poo sometimes I would not wait for the latter.

 

I would be out of my mind if my child 'held' it out of laziness.  Yes, I actually did have to address this as all children need to learn at some point that they do HAVE to go to the toilet at the appropriate time and cannot simply 'wish' it away.  I would say at 7 or almost 7 that it isn't unheard of to have to still deal with bathroom issues.  I do to a smaller degree than you, but I was just thinking how people without children would never believe that I have attended my child's every movement for 7 years.  It is true and never discussed. 

 

I think if you look at your situation and realize that it is normal (or within the realm of normal because I do believe there are 6 and 7 year old children who don't need bathroom attention any more) and you employ some of the ideas here... the nurse idea, the turning off of the tv, or maybe a 'trigger' food or meal that always makes her go shortly after so you can encourage and support her ie: "I knew you could do it!".  That you and your dd will have success.  And also, without question if she is soiling her clothes out of 'laziness' she should be responsible for the clean up (this alone will go a long, long way).

 

Good Luck

post #11 of 14

have you shown her how to clean? how much toilet paper to use? and the logistics of it.

 

does she not get itchy?

 

is poop icky for her? it is for dd. she finds it gross. and thus doesnt want any chance of it getting on her fingers. 

 

dd didnt learn well either till she was past 7. she'd stick TP up her butt til i got her. 

 

post #12 of 14

My 9-year-old son still does not wipe properly! we can't figure out if it's because his "cheeks" are so round that he can't get around them (he's not overweight, just a thick, stocky football player, who does martial arts off-season), or sheer laziness, or the fact that he's so grossed out at having to do it (he has had a very weak stomach since he was about 2, and sometimes would gag if something just looks like vomit near him (i.e. a whitish stain on our red bed sheet resembled his baby sister's milk vomit to him, and he started gagging).

We have kid wipes in the bathroom, and insist on daily showers, some days 2 or 3, if we smell him after using the bathroom. But last night, we checked, and he still didn't clean it all out in the shower! Yesterday, as my husband checked him after the shower, he also noticed a rash (like a diaper rash) around the opening, but our son said it doesn't bother him at all. I honestly don't understand what the problem is, and am at my wit's end.

I'm worried that he's already being bullied for it [the smell] at school, and can't wait for the conference with his teacher next week to address/express bullying concern (as discreetly as possible; if the teacher or my son's classmates haven't noticed anything, I don't want to make it an issue). some days, our son is very talkative after school, the others won't talk to us at all, and barely responds when spoken to (that's why I think there's bullying, whatever degree it is).

He takes his time in the bathroom, and swears that he uses a ton of wipes, but sometimes there's waaay more than just a skidmark on his underwear (he leaves a scent on the car seats, and anywhere he sits down if we don't catch it right away). I'm seriously thinking about inventing something to help kids like him, because, as I said, I don't think effort is an issue; he just can't get to it. In the mean time, I am going to buy bigger (adult-sized) wipes for the house, and also for his backpack.:(

post #13 of 14

if it is such a huge problem and he is STILL not getting it, i would install a portable bidet in the toilet. you can get them for around $100 at home depot. 

 

how about some plastic gloves? maybe that would help with the 'gag' factor. you could show him how to wear gloves and take them off without any of the soiled parts touching his body. 

post #14 of 14

Hi, I came across your post about your son having trouble wiping his rear, I was wondering if you found a solution to this. I have a 9 year old  son  who seems to have the same problem. I have tried everything I can think of as well.

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