Hello everyone. I am new to this site. So far I can pick up pieces of information that are helpful for me to relate to, and how to conduct myself around my fiance's children. His boy is four and his girl is six.
Now I've been seeing GD and AP tossed around a lot on these posts. Would someone be so kind as to explain this to me please? I feel that I may not get the answers to the questions and concerns I have because I am not caught up on the terminology and want to make my points clear.
I have been struggling a little bit lately with.....well just everything in general, but also particularly when I spend a lot of time around these two kids. I have reluctantly agreed to become their nanny for the summer since my job laid me off. (Huge low blow to the self-esteem). My patience with children in particular has never been a strong characteristic for me. You see, I had no younger siblings, and although I have a sister twelve years older than I, I was basically raised like an only child--an extremely sheltered one with very little social contact.
So I'm in a tug-of-war in my head, trying to figure out if my feelings of frustration (when it gets to that point) are normal for a future step-mother, or if it's still a deeply personal issue I still need to work on with my psychologist. Yes, I get frustrated, and even more so when I don't feel like I'm being heard by my partner about what is truly bothering me. He is way more dismissive about things than I am at times.
After much thought about it a few nights ago, I realized part of my deep frustration stems from my unconditional love for my partner; he works hard and didn't have an easy time at all with their mother when him and her were together. Anyway, I get frustrated when the children's cooperation breaks down I want to correct the situation before it keeps getting out of hand; and besides, he's a great man who works hard every single day to provide for them and he deserves to have well-mannered, and happy children. Of course they are probably too young to understand things like gratitude and appreciation, but my god I hope it starts dawning on them pretty soon how special they are to their daddy and how hard he works in order to make the money for us all to go out and do fun activities.
Anyway, his daughter has been acting up lately and it has got to stop, for the sake of everyone in our small, pseudo family unit. I have read a few other threads and can relate with the mothers out there who report their 6 yr olds throwing fits and tantrums because they didn't get their way. (she goes first all the time on everything---even when it's not her turn), her attitude sucks too----pouting over every single little thing. This is no exaggeration, EVERY little thing provokes pouting out of this little girl. It's more than I can bear sometimes. Over the weekend we shot of rockets in the park. The last one of the day was slightly dangerous. Instead of the rocket going off when a control button is pushed, it took off as soon as my partner connected the tiny prongs to the appropriate place, blowing some smoke in his face. A tiny amount of fire is discharged when this happens, like a fire cracker. Needless to say when the thing went off literally in his face we called it quits. She was severely disappointed by this and pouted and pouted and pouted away for about ten minutes while we cleaned up. (she has a listening issue as well) We explained to her and her brother right after that rocket took off that we were done for the day because it was getting dangerous.......for all of us. After some time of her pouting she started complaining, "i want to do another rocket, i want to do another rooockeeeettt" (you know how it is). I was upset, and her father had finally had his fill of her shitty attitude too and said something along the lines of "so you want daddy to get hurt." she then perked up a little to listen, so her daddy said once again, "you being mad like this tells me that you WANT daddy to get hurt, and that's not very nice at all." Then he had to explain to her, again, why the rockets weren't safe anymore. (again, listening issue).
I could continue on and on and on, but that's enough for now, Please help me with some suggestions and actions that have worked with you and your children. Some days I'm at wits end and want to just scream and shout. Any advice would be very very much appreciated.