So we have been allowing our 7 year old and 4 year old to have sleepovers at my Mom's house for the last few years. They sleep over about 5-10 times a year. Everything was going alright until recently. My 22 year old brother still lives at home (it's just him and my Mom) and she has been allowing him to have small "get togethers" with his friends while my girls are there. My brother and his friends are either in the basement or in the backyard so they are not sitting around with the girls but they are drinking and I am not comfortable with my girls being around drunk people whether it is my brother or not. The last time they spent the night (about a month ago) my Mom mentioned that my brother's childhood friend that he just hooked back up with through facebook was going to be sleeping over. I was not happy about it but she didn't tell me until the last minuet and the girls were already there. I didn't say anything about it and just let it go. Now I am kicking myself for not addressing it immediatly.
So the girls were over there last night for a sleepover and again my brother was having a little party in the backyard again. My Mom called me at 12:30am because my 4 year old could not get to sleep and she wanted to come home. While I was talking to my Mom she mentioned that his childhood friend would be sleeping over again. I calmed my dd down enough to get her to stay over since it was so late and probabily not a good idea to be driving around that late on a holiday weekend (my Mom is about 25 minuets away). I hung up the phone and told my dh about the guy sleeping over and we both feel really uncomfortable about it. We also feel very uncomfortable with the parties going on when our girls are there. We do not drink and we don't raise our girls to think that being "party animals" as my family refers to my brother's behavior is somthing that is looked upon with favor. My Mom is in complete denial that my brother is becoming an alcholic.
SO I called my Mom back and told her how I feel. I told her that I am very uncomfortable with the whole situation. She told me that I am insane. I asked her to please sleep with the girls in her room with the door locked and she told me she absolutly would not even close the door. She lives in a small house and her bedroom is off the kitchen so there is no avoiding walking past her room KWIM? I am really angry. I am expressing to her that I have a valid concern for the safety of my girls and she completly blows me off. I told her that she does not even know this friend of my brother's well enough to trust him so blindly to sleep in her house let alone when my girls are there! I told her that children get molested all the time by people who are trusted by family members. She was almost laughing at me telling me how crazy I am. I told her that I also didn't like the fact that my borther and his friends get drunk when my girls are over and she proceeded to tell me that they were in fact not drunk at all. I stopped by there at 7PM last night to drop off benedryl for my dd's allergies. My brother and his 7 friends were in the backyard drinking and if you ask me already a little intoxicated. They were still out there drinking at 12:30am and she says they are not drunk??? SERIOUSLY?????
Honestly I don't care if she thinks I am crazy. Her opinion in this matter is not going to be taken into consideration. If she is not willing to put a stop to the parties and adult sleepovers when my girls are there then my girls will not be spending the night there anymore.
So if you were in my situation how would you go about handeling it? I am not trying to argue with her but she will see it that way. From my point of view there is nothing to argue about. Either things change on her end or they change on mine. I don't want to come at her like I am telling her how to run her house KWIM? I don't think she is going to see reason here. She lets my brother do whatever he wants and she does not seem to see the issue with what is going on. I also don't want her to feel like I am threatening to take her time with the girls away from her. I don't want her to feel like I am being a jerk. I wish she had her priorities in order and could see that I am just looking out for the best interest of my girls. Unfortunatly I know how this will go down. My Mom will take this as a personal attack and get all angry and belligerent. She will then stop speaking to me for weeks (we are not on the best terms to begin with). She will bad talk me to all of her friends and my Grandmother. This is just how it goes. All the while my girls will be the ones who miss out on their Grandma time :(