I have 2 teens 15 & 17. Seventeen year old has up until recently been a great kid -- excellent grades, very motivated, not a lot of friends own age but some as well as good relationships w/adults. Was making good choices and seeming to be pretty responsible. Also had a steady girlfriend same age.
Over the past few months, has been staying up til 3,4 am then struggling to get up for school, grades have dropped off and interest in school has dropped a lot. Also has started lying about whereabouts and in a bid to have more friends, started hanging around with a group of kids who are into drinking, drugs, and generally just want to spend all their time "hanging out" none of them have jobs, or any responsibilities it seems. Has a new girlfriend who is 15 and has been expelled from school for drug use at school, and generally does not seem to have anything in common with him. They have been pretty sneaky about the relationship whereas his last relationship was very out in the open, she came to our house, etc.
He says he does not want to do drugs but both he and my 15 year old say that "everyone" does drugs and drinks and parties and that is all teens do anymore and so they need to be able to be at these parties to socialize and hang out w/friends. They also said they have to lie about where they are because they think I would call the parents and tip them off about the parties if they told me and that teens are only having parties when their parents are out of town so they can drink and do drugs...
He doesn't want to get a job for summer, has no motivation to do anything and is pretty angry at me because he feels he is not allowed to do what he wants to ("drink + party").
We have had multiple conversations about him taking responsibility for his choices and actions and the fact that I can't really control or know everything that he does and rather he should be taking responsibility and making good choices, etc.
He does not want to tell me anything about where he is, who he is with,etc. And, in checking into things have found out he is mostly lying when he does tell me. He told me he is considering moving out soon/this month (he is to go to a State Univ in Fall) because things are so restrictive.
Funny thing is, I have extended a lot of trust, he has a few chores/household responsibilities but really not a lot or anywhere near an excessive amount. He spends most of his time in his room, on the computer.
A number of people have said since he was so responsible w/good grades, etc. he needs to "get this out of his system" and be wild for a few months.
I am mostly concerned with what almost seems like a regression in maturity and good judgement coupled with too much free time to "hang out + party" over the summer.
Wanted to post here and get some input on how other parents w/teens would deal with this situation. We still have some communication lines open, although I feel stumped about having these discussions about why it's important to be using good judgement and asking for my help if you are in over your head in the face of a teen who seems to have thrown all caution the wind and decided to just zone out and be sort of careless.
Whenever I explain my reasonings or what I consider to be good judgement or responsible behaviour, he just sort of snickers and rolls his eyes.