I'm three weeks away from my due-date. Tonight I was talking to my partner, and I'm not sure how it even came up, but I was telling him some of the things to expect during labour (it's his first, my third, so he's never been through this before.) I was telling him about how I got the shakes last time after the birth, and that it could happen again. Just little things like that so he didn't get freaked out. And what did he say to me?
"That's fine, you'd just better not play it up."
How the hell do I deal with this? I can't have any negativity while I'm going through labour/birth! I'm aiming for a natural birth again, no pain medication. It's going to hurt, and I'm probably going to make noise at some point. I tend to go out-of-body a bit and really don't have a lot of control over what's going on as the baby makes its way out. I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. You just don't have a lot of control. So how the hell am I supposed to concentrate on not wanting to die from pain, when I'm totally self-conscious that he'll be eye-rolling behind me, or accusing me of "playing it up" for what, exactly...attention??
I don't even know how to talk to him about this. I'm just so upset that he's being so negative and, well, MEAN about this all of a sudden. Maybe it's just hormones, but I can't stop crying about how terrible it's going to be to have to be guarding myself so much during labour so he doesn't make fun of me or accuse me of trying to get attention. I mean wtf. Seriously.