Tantrums for "nursies"

[snuggly]

My DD and I are going through a very rough patch in our nursing relationship right now and it is causing stress for the whole family... I'm looking for words of wisdom or ideas to help.  Here's what's happening: 

DD is 31 months and DS is 2.5 months.  I have always had a smooth, on demand nursing schedule with DD, even in pregnancy.  I envision doing CLW and letting nursing end peacefully as she is ready.  However, lately she has been crazy about nursing.  She wants to nurse all the time (asks at least every 15 minutes when we are at home) and will often throw yelling crying tantrums if she doesn't get to.  (I would attribute this to having a new sibling, but it started a couple months before his birth.) 

Rather than getting more relaxed about nursing she seems to be getting more and more intense about it.  I would like to "fill her cup" by nursing and reassuring her every time she asks, but that is just not possible as I also often need (and want!) to be nursing and holding DS. 

I have tried to get us to the point where I nurse her at bedtime, in the morning, at naptime, and at naptime wakeup.  My thinking was that if she knows she has times throughout the day that we can nurse she could count on it and relax a bit.  I also often offer cuddles, books, hugs, etc to satisfy that connection need.  However, she still asks all the time for nursing and tantrums when I gently tell her when the next nursing time will be. 

These tantrums are causing DH to advocate for weaning her completely, leaving me feeling torn between my two children, and overall causing stress for everyone.  Anyone been through this?  What worked for you? What can I do?

[GoBecGo]

I think:

1) it IS to do with the new sibling, the fact that it began before the birth only tells me she could identify things were changing before he actually arrived which is hardly surprising. and

2) i think what you are doing is perfect, and the tantrums will tail off as she realises you really mean it, she CAN nurse at the times you said, and she can rely on it.

Everything in her whole world just shifted in an incredible way.  She is scared.  She misses her old life, isn't sure what to do with her new life and is unsure of the little rival in your arms who gets to nurse so often.  But you love her and you SHOW her that love and she will eventually settle down again.  In the past you two maintained your connection with on-demand nursing.  Things have changed now and change is hard.  But she will adapt.

I've only got 2 kids.  There are 4 years between them.  My DD1 (weaned at 7months due to my milk going with a thyroid crisis) wanted to nurse when she saw her baby sister doing it.  I do occasionally give her my milk (pumped) when she's ill, but i'm not about to begin nursing her again!  She wants to wear nappies again (she's 5), ride in the stroller, go in the meitai.  She's only just now (DD2 is 1 this weekend) beginning to know who she is, what her place is.  She's not "only kid" any more.  She's "big sister" "big kid" and nearly "school pupil".  She's had a tough year but we sort of muddled through.  I make sure we get SOME one-on-one when DD2 is napping and i remind gently when she wants to do something that's not an option (like pee in a nappy) that she's a big girl and not a baby.  Sometimes she gets very upset and angry about it.  Sometimes she takes it in good part.  Just depends.

Hang in there, you're doing great, you just can't see it yet. 

[T-man's Mama]

I only have the one child, same age as your DD, but I am otherwise in an identical situation. So maybe it's to do with the sibling, but maybe not. My DS still wants to nurse a LOT, he has always been an obsessive nurser but at age 2.5 he seems have a newfound mama-attachment. At this point it's causing DH to advocate for weaning completely. It is a frustrating situation, largely because I feel the right time for weaning is a personal decision between DS and myself. I don't like that he tries to dictate or suggest that I wean him, and tonight we finally had a frank discussion and I asked him to not do it again.

DH understandably gets frustrated with the tantrums (me too!!!), which often seem to be related to nursing (ie: not being available 24/7 as he'd like!). But if DS weren't throwing tantrums in relation to nursing, it would just be something else, although my DH seems to think weaning will resolve everything. I've also narrowed it down to the same four nursing sessions you mention so we are not nursing night and day, although I do occasionally deviate. I don't have any great suggestions but just wanted to offer my sympathies and let you know you're not alone. It's so hard to know how to handle the situation. I am getting pretty tired of nursing myself but continue because DS so obviously needs it still, and I know it is good for him. You definitely have my sympathies with the two little ones...good luck, I hope things smooth out for you very soon.