Really need some advice re: starting to work more

[mom2lucy]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I really need to get out my thoughts and hopefully get some advise back.  DH is getting sick of hearing me talk about this, but I know that you ladies will understand how I'm feeling.  Here's the story:  I have a 3 yr old and 12 mo old and I'm a chiropractor.  When DD1 was born I went down to working 12 hrs/wk and my mom and MIL took turns watching her.  When DD2 came along I went down to working 8 hrs/wk (2 days of 4 hours). 

Now, my mom (who I prefer to watch them) works herself so she isn't available anymore than that, and MIL has offered to watch one more day for 2-3 hours.  The dilema is that I'm really starting to have an itch to work more and actually focus on my practice.  I want to pursue an extensive training in pediatrics and it's just not feasible for me to grow at all only working 8 hours right now.

I also just got trained to teach classes to expectant moms on nutrition/health during pregnancy and I'd like to get out and market them to some OB offices and begin teaching those as well.  All in all I'd like to eventually be working about 20 hours/wk.

DD1 is also registered for a co-op preschool in the fall, which means that I have to participate in the classroom a couple times a month, which means that DD2 will need a babysitter at those times. 

I guess what my question is if I should just keep my hours how they are until the girls get into school, or look into a daycare type of place to supplement the hours that my mom and MIL watch them.  I also wonder if I should just put DD1 in a traditional preschool so I don't have to figure out a babysitter for DD2 when I'm working at the school.

I've been checking Craigslist for in home providers, and I spoke with a lady who sounded really nice today.  She's a SAHM and watches her own son, 16 mo., and two other 3 year olds on a part-time basis.  She's very flexible and would work with my schedule.  I just worry about leaving my girls with someone I don't really know.  I'm obviously going to check her out, but I'm just wanting to do what's best for everyone.

I feel selfish for wanting to work more, but I also realize that I do have a passion for what I do, and I spend a lot of time and money in education so I'd like to do something.  But I also have a passion for my girls and being a good mom to them.  I wonder if I should put my career on hold (which it basically is) until they get into school, or start to add more hours back now.  That would mean putting them somewhere and I just don't know what I think about that. 

Do any of you have experience with in-home daycare or would they be better in a "center" type place.  I was thinking that the intimacy of someone else's home with a few other kids might be a better transition for them.  Also, they would only start once a week at the sitter's, and have my mom come one day and MIL come another day.  I wonder if this would be harder for them, having 3 different care providers.

I hope any of that made sense, and thanks for reading and any advise or ideas.

thank you!

[Greenlea]

My kids have only ever been at in-home day cares and I like them much better.  Well in the beginning they were watched by family, but eventually I too needed to get regular help so I went to in-home day care, so I totally understand where you are coming from.  I was working part-time too, and then went full-time as well.

I like the in-home day care for us because my kids have restrictins on their diets (we are vegetarians and do a lot of organic and natural products) which I felt an in-home day care could provide a lot better.  They tend to be much smaller than day care centers so they have more one on one time with the provider and can grow to love and trust their provider.  The provider I feel can keep a better eye on them as it is a smaller group, and my kids have an easier time making friends in the smaller groups.

I found my provider on care.com (I liked it better than craigslist because they can provide background checks).  I loved her from the start.  When she couldn't do it anymore, we started using her sister, who is just as awesome.

Also, needing or wanted to work more does not make you a bad mommy.  You are lucky to love the work you do and have a passion for it, a lot of people dont but still go to work.  And, as your kids get older, they will see that and understand it, and will respect you for it.  They will not resent you for needing or wanting to work, especially if they see how much you love it.

[mom2lucy]

Originally Posted by Greenlea 

My kids have only ever been at in-home day cares and I like them much better.  Well in the beginning they were watched by family, but eventually I too needed to get regular help so I went to in-home day care, so I totally understand where you are coming from.  I was working part-time too, and then went full-time as well.

I like the in-home day care for us because my kids have restrictins on their diets (we are vegetarians and do a lot of organic and natural products) which I felt an in-home day care could provide a lot better.  They tend to be much smaller than day care centers so they have more one on one time with the provider and can grow to love and trust their provider.  The provider I feel can keep a better eye on them as it is a smaller group, and my kids have an easier time making friends in the smaller groups.

I found my provider on care.com (I liked it better than craigslist because they can provide background checks).  I loved her from the start.  When she couldn't do it anymore, we started using her sister, who is just as awesome.

Also, needing or wanted to work more does not make you a bad mommy.  You are lucky to love the work you do and have a passion for it, a lot of people dont but still go to work.  And, as your kids get older, they will see that and understand it, and will respect you for it.  They will not resent you for needing or wanting to work, especially if they see how much you love it.

Thanks a lot!  Especially for the reassurance.  Do you have any specific questions that would be good to ask a potential caregiver?  Is it appropriate to ask what type of parenting "philosophy" they use?  Also, this person that I'm considering also has a 14 year old son.  Would that bother you at all having that age boy around the house with your daughters??  I hate to even think like that, but I want to cover all concerns.

Thanks again!

[mom2lucy]

One more question, Greenlea (just because you've been in the same boat as me)-do you think it would better to move the girls to a caregiver for all the hours that I work to provide consistency for them, or is OK to have the grandma's each watch one day and do the caregiver the next?  I know the grandma's like to watch they just can't do it as much as I'd like, and it's obviously cheaper to have them too!  And, if you don't mind, what do you pay per day for 2 kids?

Thanks again so much!

[Greenlea]

Ask them anything you can think of, it will give you reassurance.  Ask about schedules, their day, discipline, meals, etc.

The 14 yr old son wouldn't bother me, but I understand what you're saying.  Right now there is a 21 yr old man living at my sitters home (he's disabled) and it made me worry at first, but my son now interacts with him well, so I dont' worry anymore.  My first sitter had a teenage daughter as well, and she would help with the kids. 

I think having the grandma's watch them is a good idea.  It allows them to be with their grandma's and the grandma's to be with the kids.  They will grow to understand that on certain days they get watched by certain people.  And it will help them be comfortable with people in general, I believe.  Naps can get a bit hard with three different providers, but if you just tell them what they need to know to all be on the same schedule, I think it will work out fine.

I pay $50 / day and my kids are 27 mths and 7 mths.