Part-time bedsharing?

[gwydhenn]

Hi everyone, long-time lurker here.  I have a question about bedsharing and thought this would be the perfect place to ask

Here's a bit of background info:   My DH and I have a wonderful 7-week-old son who I am breastfeeding exclusively.  From the time we brought him home he's been sleeping in a crib right by our bed since we felt it was the safest place for him, and we plan to keep him with us for at least a year (I know a lot of people move babies into their own room at 6 months, and maybe we will once we get to that point, but somehow it just feels too soon for me).  He usually sleeps 2-4 hours and we are close enough that I wake up just as he is stirring from hunger and can feed him when he's half asleep, so the night feedings usually go smoothly and are no problem.  However, he gets overstimulated easily and sometimes has days where he has a hard time settling down.  I find that nursing him in bed helps, but we were so concerned about overlaying that dh always put him back in his crib once one or both of us fell asleep.

Last night was one such night-the poor little guy got so worked up that he started screaming.  Once he calmed down, I brought him into bed with me to nurse.  He fell right asleep and slept so peacefully that I couldn't bear to put him back in his crib.  I'm a very cautious person when it comes to my son, but after the research I've done I'm convinced it can be safe (though I still have reservations).  So I just have a few questions:

-Provided of course that we have a safe setup, can it work well to bedshare just occasionally, such as when DS is having a bad night or waking frequently or when I just want him close by?  Or should I just stick to one or the other?  Should I avoid switching to full-time since he's so used to his crib now?

-Can bedsharing during phases like teething or sleep regressions that cause more frequent nightwakings reduce the temptation to CIO out of utter desperation?  I think CIO is cruel, but I've heard horror stories about sleep deprivation and am already afraid of finding myself in the same situation. 

-This isn't directly related, but, provided that you provide a soothing bedtime routine and make sure baby is getting enough sleep, are sleep issues as big a deal as all the books, blogs, and other parents make them out to be?  I always figured babies would sleep through the night in their own time.  Heck, I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't sleep through the night half the time.  But I get the impression that if baby isn't sleeping soundly through the night by 6-9 months you're a horrible parent and it will ruin your child's life.  It's all making this FTM very very anxious!

[EviesMom]

Personally, I think too much is made of sleeping issues, but that could be because I never had very dramatic sleep problems. Pretty much nothing from when they're under a year or maybe even two years is going to be a lasting routine or habit, so I would just do whatever works at the time and not worry about setting precendent. 

Also, kids have different sleep personalities, regardless of what you do about their sleep routines. They get old enough to handle some things like night wakeups on their own, but they don't magically stop waking up in my experience. I have a seven year old who puts herself to sleep. I read to her, then she reads to herself for a while until she's tired. She doesn't actually sleep through the night. She wakes up 2-3 times, goes to the bathroom, sometimes reads to herself, puts herself back to bed. I think it's in her nature not to sleep soundly the whole night through. She talks in her sleep. She walks in her sleep. She gets plenty of sleep overall, is happy, active, etc. but she was never a "good sleeper." (She and I fell easily into a good routine whereby we both got enough sleep though, cosleeping and nursing).  

I also have a 3 1/2 year old who is in his own bed. He's always slept soundly, wakes up to pee once a night on ocassion but usually sleeps through, and he always coslept too until he moved into his own bed somewhere around 2 1/2. He, by nature, just seems to be a different sleeper. He'd be classified by books as a "good sleeper." He gets up EARLY though, and wants to go to bed early, which is much rougher on our family timing and schedule-wise. I had a harder time getting into a good routine with him where we all got enough sleep. I'd never have voluntarily put a kid on a schedule like DS, yet it was pretty much exactly what the sleep books would say to do. 

One nice thing with babies and kids who are used to cosleeping is that they will sleep soundly with mom/dad/both in the bed no matter what bed it may be-hotel, tent, relatives, airplane, RV etc. (We've slept in all those). From the first night in a new bed, they slept well. The CIO kids I've known had a period of transition every time they changed sleep spaces. 

I have had luck with different routines for different kinds of sleep, like my son is used to naps being in the stroller because he usually napped around when DD had to be picked up from school. DD was used to crib sleeping for the first part of the night and cosleeping after midnight wakeup, because the crib was a good place to put her down before I came to bed. You might want to try that sort of thing if you want to do a mix of crib and co-sleeping, rather than some nights in one and some nights in the other.