I need a more positive way to say 'No."

[verde]

I have days when it seems like all I say is "no" to my 5 y/o DD. I don't like myself when I say no constantly and I feel badly for my DD but, honestly, "no" is the answer to her questions and actions. 

Can I take a rock and scratch designs in the glass of the windows? No. 

Can I ride my bike without a bike helmet?  No. 

Can I sit inside an expensive umbrella and make a playhouse out of it?  No.

Can I step on the flowers in the garden?  No. 

Can I force the dog to eat something he absolutely does not want to eat?  No. 

Can I watch another video?  (After already watching 90 min's of TV) No. 

Can I cut a picture out of one of daddy's books -- I really like the picture? Absolutely not. 

She's really a curious, adventurous, amiable girl most of the time and I try to reframe things so she'll see why the answer is "No" without me having to say it, and I'm sure lots of this is age-appropriate, but sometimes it seems like I'm totally negative and, honestly, that's not my nature. 

sigh....

I appreciate any insight or suggestions. 

[Jenni1894]

What about redirecting her....like if she wants to cut daddy's book.   no, you can't do that, but what about cutting pix from these magazines/newspapers and making a pix for daddy?  Or drawing a pix of that pretty pic for daddy.  he'll be so impressed b/c you are such a good artist. 

You can't scratch the glass, but how about we draw w/chalk outside?  Or draw on the windows w/glass markers or maybe dry erase would work.   Sometimes the rocks will make marks on the concrete!

Ask her why she wants to watch another movie or step on the pretty flowers?

My 3 YO is always asking me why.... what's that, where'd you get that....   If she asks me something I know she knows what I'm doing, I tell her something silly.   Like if I'm folding laundry....she says what are you doing?   I tell her planting flowers!   want to help?   She says no, you are folding, silly mommy!.  It's almost like she knows, but just wants to talk and interact w/me.  And see what I'd say. 

[meemee]

for my strong willed child - a no means an yes. and a yes means no. 
 

Originally Posted by verde 

Can I take a rock and scratch designs in the glass of the windows? No. 

are u sure u really want that? a design to stay up ALL the time because once they are scratched they can never be rubbed off? are u sure you want to take the chance to hurt urself? broken glass can hurt A LOT. dont expect me to take care of you if you get yourself hurt. we might have to take you to the hospital. why dont you try drawing with some markers? if u make mistakes you can erase them. 

Can I ride my bike without a bike helmet?  No. 

well i am sure you can. however if you fall your head might get really hurt. you dont want your brain hurt do you? esp. since that's what we really use to see, taste... that is why the govt has made it a rule that any child under 18 has to wear a helmet when riding a bike. i am not sure i want to get into trouble because you didnt wear ur helmet. what do you think?

Can I sit inside an expensive umbrella and make a playhouse out of it?  No.

sure you may as long as you dont hurt anything. then we cant use it as an umbrella anymore. are you sure the spokes wont hurt you? wont you trip? (i am imagining she actually wants to sit in the umbrella) lets go find a box and see how you could turn that into a playhouse. 

Can I step on the flowers in the garden?  No. 

you dont enjoy the flowers? dont you like looking at them? stepping on them will kill them. so you wont be able to enjoy them anymore.

Can I force the dog to eat something he absolutely does not want to eat?  No. 

absolutely. but first you have to sit so that i can force you to eat ---- and after you have eaten some you can go feed the dog. 

Can I watch another video?  (After already watching 90 min's of TV) No. 

what do you think? youve been watching tv for an hour and a half. your eyes are all fixed on teh screen. they need something else to do so why dont you play something else?

Can I cut a picture out of one of daddy's books -- I really like the picture? Absolutely not. 

well what do you think? you know daddy likes that book. do you think he'd like his book with a hole in it. how would you feel if i took [her favourite book title] and cut out something in it because i liked it so much? thank you for asking. 

if i ever answer no - then i know she is going to do it. i have v. v. v. rarely said no to her. 

honestly these are good questions. i remember sitting in a giant umbrella and playing in it. stepping on flowers could be an experiment. 

[verde]

Thank you for your suggestions. They have helped me rethink my responses. I'll try to incorporate the thoughts into my answers.  :)