Hi all; I am new to the thread! Sorry to hear, carmel23. Those kind of situations suck, and I'm familiar with them (disappointing work/important people because of low $$$). We normally try to make those situations work when we can, because my hubby's job is one of the most important things we have going right now (no kids), but sometimes we just need to politely say no.
I don't really want to explain our whole situation and/or answer a lot of questions about how we got into this mess......but basically right now, we are feeling the pinch of only being able to have one income since I am too disabled to work (except for some minor at-home computer stuff) and living in a very high cost of living city. We want to have children, but don't, because we simply can't afford it....like even the "bare bones" style of raising a baby wouldn't work, because we have 0 extra dollars in our budget. I feel like that is really sad, and it stresses me out a lot. I have had one miscarriage already (unplanned pregnancy, and also our $ situation is worse since then), and I worry that by the time we'll be able to afford to start trying, I will only have time to have 1-2 children, when really I'm hoping for at least 3. There aren't many things we can cut to make children possible, basically nothing, which scares me. Hubby's salary will have to increase, and we'll have to work hard to pay down student loans, because the payments are killing us.
Can anyone relate to that feeling of wanting a child, or wanting more children, but just not being able to afford it (like seriously, no money in budget at all. I do realize you can have children frugally)? I just worry that later on I'll regret not just going for it. I am not yet at the age where I'd have to do it "now or never", because if I was, we'd try for a baby despite the money situation. (ps---we don't qualify for any aid). The drama of all this stresses me out. I feel like my heart is being torn. I can't bring myself to stop our birth control measures, knowing that if for some reason I had a child and couldn't BF, I couldn't afford formula. I think about the dilemma a lot. I am sorry if I'm offending anyone who is saying, "well guess what....I had a baby with no extra income, so stop whining if you aren't living it!" I don't know if I'm just in my head too much or not. It is hard to relax, when you worry things won't get better, or that in 8 years when they are better, you'll be infertile. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense....I'm just really tired and stressed.
My health is bad too, so even though I put a lot of pressure on myself to find work, the truth of the matter is that I have a hard time getting out of the house because of weakness and sleeping a lot. I am really dealing with a double-edged sword of multiple things preventing me from feeling ready for children. I would give anything to at least "have my health." I take a lot of flack for sitting on my butt all day (not from hubby, because he sees how ill I am), so that is stressful too. I hate seeing the money situation, and not being able to contribute. I worry if things will ever get better, either financially or health-wise. I am not sure which is worse, but right now I am solely focusing on finances as the main problem, because if I thought about my health, I'd cry all the time. I feel I could possibly handle a baby if my health gets a little better, but of course I'd have my hubby's help too.