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Recently found out my husband had basically been lying to me our whole marriage and I don't know...

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Thinking about counseling...there is hope


Edited by Athora80 - 6/2/11 at 1:28pm
post #2 of 4

I would encourage you to attend a local Al-Anon meeting.  Dealing with a spouse with a substance abuse issue is a very difficult, heavy, strenuous task (and I do have a lot of experience in this arena, though not with my current husband--just wanted to clarify).  I would also strongly encourage you to seek a therapist...and if you don't like the first one, keep shopping.  They are your employee and you can fire them at will if you do not feel respected.  I would also advise you to get tested for STIs.  As for your marriage, there is hope--I was encouraged to read that your husband recognizes that he has a drinking problem.  Maybe marriage counseling could be a condition of your staying with him, though I know that is easy for me to say.  I wish you and your child the best.  Find some support in whatever way works best for you.  You have endured a lot and deserve to be treated with love and respect.  Good luck, mama.

post #3 of 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

I would encourage you to attend a local Al-Anon meeting.  Dealing with a spouse with a substance abuse issue is a very difficult, heavy, strenuous task (and I do have a lot of experience in this arena, though not with my current husband--just wanted to clarify).  I would also strongly encourage you to seek a therapist...and if you don't like the first one, keep shopping.  They are your employee and you can fire them at will if you do not feel respected.  I would also advise you to get tested for STIs.  As for your marriage, there is hope--I was encouraged to read that your husband recognizes that he has a drinking problem.  Maybe marriage counseling could be a condition of your staying with him, though I know that is easy for me to say.  I wish you and your child the best.  Find some support in whatever way works best for you.  You have endured a lot and deserve to be treated with love and respect.  Good luck, mama.



All of the above. 

 

I know a few people (partners of addicts) that have gotten so much out of their involvement with Al-Anon.  The women I know lived through some really tough stuff in their marriages (all of their spouses cheated) and they are living really good lives now.  They are still married because their addict spouses made the changes they needed to in order to keep the family together.

 

I wish you the best of luck.  My bio dad was a drunk that ran around on my mom while she worked hard to keep it all together.  It is a tough road.  I agree that his admission of a problem is a good sign that he might be willing to work towards a change.

 

I would insist, if you haven't already, that there be absolutely no contact with that woman.  If they work together, he needs to start looking for another job now.

post #4 of 4

Personal counseling is the way. That is where you clarify your own worth, and make deliberate decisions about how to support that worth. "Marriage" counseling in this situation is not going to uplift you the way you need. Good luck.

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