My DH and I had our first child in February. We have decided that I will SAH until our LO is 3. We survive from month to month, struggling only when DH decides to pour more money into touring/recording/music related expenses. We agreed when we got pregnant that he could continue to pursue music as long as it didn't compromise our finances. Well - finances are compromised and DH is feeling a little guilty, but STILL pursuing. It's hard to watch him want to spend 5 days away from us for another music festival. I know he feels guilty, but why, oh WHY is he doing this then? How is it that the guilt-ridden can still put themselves first? I really don't understand his perspective. I have a hard time discussing it with him because on top of all of this he is really struggling with his new role as a father - insecurities and I think a general confusion over it all. So I blow up at him, then backpedal and apologize and try to sooth his ego - the cycle is driving me crazy and we're getting nowhere.
I resent him when he's gone. I resent him when he's here. He's pouring all this money into this dream of his while I'm at home with our son - often 13 hours straight, without emotional support or a sense of security. I'm disappointed and would really love some advice on how to address this with him, and what I can do as far as approaching him and understanding where he's coming from/what he's going through...
... Not sure if I've posted in the right spot.