I haven't a lot of advice but I do have one child who is quite difficult. You just keep breathing trying to do your best.
If she needs to pick up before going out and won't.. then don't go out. Yes, its painful to watch them learn these lessons but better now than later.
I've worked a lot with kids over the years and I find this to be true......
The children who are the most difficult to love are the ones that need our love the most.