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Difficulty connecting?

post #1 of 45
Thread Starter 

I suspect it's because I know I am high risk and I'm protecting myself, but I am feeling very disconnected from this pregnancy.  It's not that it's unwanted or anything overtly negative, it just doesn't feel very real to me. 

 

Is anyone else feeling this way?  

post #2 of 45

I always feel like that a little - especially bfore baby is moving...I actually read through some of my archived posts from the DDC I was in with DS2 and I had posted about the pregnancy not seeming real around this time!

post #3 of 45

Yup, 100%.  I'm also high risk, so maybe that's it - I had the same thing happen with my second son too though, I was so busy thinking about my in-front-of-me baby, that it was hard to connect with the abstract one.

post #4 of 45

I'm connected as heck with this pregnancy, the birth, the nursery prep... all of it. I'm so giddy it's embarassing. But wrapping my head around the fact that it all means there's a baby coming... like a real live infant that is going to come to live with us for good? A tiny football sized being who is going to depend on us every second of every day, and no one else is going to swoop in and take it home? Wow.  My brain is still refusing to admit that it's actually finally happening, and I'm going to have a baby at the end. I think I've just waited what seems like so long, that it doesn't know how to process the information. 

post #5 of 45

I am having a very difficult time connecting with this pregnancy. Apparently there was an "infidelity issue" that occurred during my last pregnancy that my SO felt the need to keep from me until this pregnancy. I'm just disconnected from everything right now...

post #6 of 45

I'm sorry, that was pretty calloused and is probably nowhere near as troubling as dealing with a high risk pregnancy. I apologize, and I hope things start connecting for you soon, OP.

post #7 of 45

This. This is so how I feel!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post

I'm connected as heck with this pregnancy, the birth, the nursery prep... all of it. I'm so giddy it's embarassing. But wrapping my head around the fact that it all means there's a baby coming... like a real live infant that is going to come to live with us for good? A tiny football sized being who is going to depend on us every second of every day, and no one else is going to swoop in and take it home? Wow.  My brain is still refusing to admit that it's actually finally happening, and I'm going to have a baby at the end. I think I've just waited what seems like so long, that it doesn't know how to process the information. 



 

post #8 of 45
ZombieMama - I know I'm not the OP, but I don't think an apology is necessary. That would make me feel disconnected from everything, too, and I don't think anyone wins when we try to decide whose troubles are "worse." That's a hard thing to deal with, I would imagine.

For the OP, I also feel a little disconnected. DH talked to my belly yesterday and I was almost like "what the heck are you doing?" I commented to a friend that I am not yet committed to this baby. It's just a self-protective measure with me. Until we know that something is actually alive in there... I don't know.
post #9 of 45

Oh Zombie! *hugs* Wishing you peace during this time. That's a hard thing to process at any time, but I can't imagine it during pregnancy as well. 

post #10 of 45


ZM, I am so, so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm sure you must be devastated. I hope you two are able to work things out. I know I would be a mess and disconnected if hubby came clean about something like that right now. WOW, just so, SO sorry......

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZombieMama View Post

I am having a very difficult time connecting with this pregnancy. Apparently there was an "infidelity issue" that occurred during my last pregnancy that my SO felt the need to keep from me until this pregnancy. I'm just disconnected from everything right now...


 

 

Yes, I am NOT connected to this pregnancy/baby yet. We planned to get pregnant, but I am feeling very "done" with pregnancy. I LOVE babies and nursing, etc. I am just very tired right now. And ready to be done with the survival mode that we have been going with for the past 10 weeks! I will feel better once we hear the heartbeat in two weeks and know I will be THRILLED once we find out the sex. Praying for a boy! We have three DDs and one prince of a DS. ;)

 

post #11 of 45
Thread Starter 

Oh gosh- no need to apologize- what a huge challenge to deal with when you should be able to celebrate and focus on taking care of yourself and your family.  I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now (well, at all, but especially right now.)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZombieMama View Post

I'm sorry, that was pretty calloused and is probably nowhere near as troubling as dealing with a high risk pregnancy. I apologize, and I hope things start connecting for you soon, OP

post #12 of 45
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda Williams View Post

 

 

Yes, I am NOT connected to this pregnancy/baby yet. We planned to get pregnant, but I am feeling very "done" with pregnancy. I LOVE babies and nursing, etc. I am just very tired right now. And ready to be done with the survival mode that we have been going with for the past 10 weeks! I will feel better once we hear the heartbeat in two weeks and know I will be THRILLED once we find out the sex. Praying for a boy! We have three DDs and one prince of a DS. ;)

 


I think that may also be part of it.  I am feeling very done with pregnancy and am looking forward to the after pregnancy/tiny baby phase of our lives that will come eventually.  We are hoping for a girl, we have one daughter and two sons, so it would be nice to even it out. :P

 

post #13 of 45

ZombieMama--I am so sorry :(.  I am high risk and majorly having issues surrounding that, but can imagine that it would be equally hard on me if I had to deal with that... That is really tough.

 

insidevoice--I am also having a really hard time connecting.  I am not trying to connect even. It is like I don't want to because I am too scared, and DH feels the same way.  I have actually been planning on not buying anything until after the birth for the baby and not getting anything ready.  I know that is really stupid because it will suck if I don't have anything set to go, but that is how nervous I am.  It isn't healthy I am sure but I am just fearful of going home empty handed with a house full of baby stuff ready.  Hopefully it will change for me as things progress and I will feel more confident preparing. 

post #14 of 45
Thread Starter 

Oh, there will be no purchasing anything really until after this baby is born.  Well- maybe I'll be able to get a few things at like 41 weeks...  but nothing that would be waiting at home. Yep.  Healthy. 

 

 

post #15 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post

Oh, there will be no purchasing anything really until after this baby is born.  Well- maybe I'll be able to get a few things at like 41 weeks...  but nothing that would be waiting at home. Yep.  Healthy. 

 

 


Really?  Glad I am not alone!  Are you even going to wash clothes, etc., get stuff out that you already have? 
 

 

post #16 of 45
I'm finding that I'm not even really remembering I'm pregnant dealing with a toddler. I was very much like the other ladies who are having their firsts, it was all about the pregnancy....which is totally normal since you don't have any other kids. I vowed I'd be on top of things, but it's hard with another kid who needs you 24/7. I'm not high risk but I feel you on the disconnected part.
post #17 of 45
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post




Really?  Glad I am not alone!  Are you even going to wash clothes, etc., get stuff out that you already have? 
 

 


You know, i really don't think I'll do much.  I'm moving between now and then, and I'll pack maybe a small box of gender neutral stuff to have stashed away, but I don't feel like I want to put the energy into getting things ready in advance really.  Maybe I'm jaded as I have done this before, but I don't need much 'stuff' right off the bat anyway, and I know I can't handle having all that stuff and then having something tragic happen.  I just couldn't cope, so I am giving myself permissin to take care of myself this way. 

 

 

post #18 of 45

Thank you all so much. I know it's not a contest, and pain is pain- no one's is worse or better. I just felt really awkward boo-hooing about it, is all.

 

I'm happy for the mamas who feel connected, I miss that excitement! And I hope that for the rest of us, as our pregnancies progress and we start to feel our little ones move and squirm that we are able to start forming a bond with our babies.

post #19 of 45

Its hard to feel connected to the baby in the first few months because you aren't feeling it move yet and you haven't seen it or heard it. I do feel pretty connected to my baby though, I put my hand over my belly every night and try to imagine its little being. I look at pictures of fetus' at the week I am in to help visualize what it looks like. This is my third child. I remember with my first everything was so new and I could really focus on being pregnant. But now with 2 children I am pretty distracted! I am really trying to savour it though because it is such a short time of my life and such a miracle. 

post #20 of 45

it's funny, my 6-yr-old daughter is the one that connected first! she kept telling other people i was pregnant, i said "i'm just fat" and laughed. i had no idea, because i'd had a light "period."  it was the weird dreams and everything smelling funny that tipped me off. negative urine tests even at the dr's office, same as with my girl. but this time i'm considered super-high-risk because of my age/health. well, made it this far, even though i feel somewhat disconnected, it feels very peaceful.

 

my SO dumped both of us 3/24 to deal with his own "process" whatever that means. he had a fear of commitment thing going the whole 5 years, wasn't a surprise. i can't contact him, and if i could, what would i say? he broke years of promises to my daughter to be in her life "forever." i feel so peaceful right now, i just want to enjoy :)

 


Edited by mandalamama - 6/8/11 at 5:13pm
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