Anti-zoo mama not sure how to proceed....

[AttunedMama]

So. I've got kids. They go to a supposedly progressive school. Now, at the end of the year, the classes are being taken on a field trip to a local zoo. Not an orchard, not a recycling station, not an anarchist communal house, not a bee-keeping permaculture farm. "The" zoo. Argh.

I have been opposed to zoos since before I had these kids, and have certainly never taken them. They know why, we have had many talks. Now that school is going, I don't feel compelled to 'ban' them from going. They are old enough (9,8) to make some calls about how to manage their own ethical lives. They know what I think.

Where the issue is: Do I go and chaperone? One kid specifically asked if I can do it. The idea makes me want to hurl. I usually navigate parenting in a rather savvy fashion. in this, I'm stumped. Go and support my kid, and see what ze sees? Or let them know that I don't do zoos, even if they do decide to go?

Maybe I should post in teens/preteens. If they were three this would be a non-issue. Please don't tell me to 'get over' my original position, I'm really OK with that aspect of things. I want to know what other parents would do when posed with a situation that is against their own values. My kids both want to go. My oldest says 'I know it's not fun to BE them (zoo captives), but I DO want to SEE them!'. I do somewhat yearn that my kids would reject this sort of thing out of hand, but they don't, and I want to keep our relationship(s) and my (marginal) sanity intact. I think a day of zoo-ing would back-log me about ten therapy sessions. However, if I put on the BigMama undies, at least I can understand what they've been exposed to, and have better handle on a 'teachable' moment.

[Annie Mac]

You are giving your kids the options to make their own decisions and explain why; I think you should get to too. Why not decline and explain why, as rationally and calmly as you possibly can? 

[AttunedMama]

Originally Posted by Annie Mac 

You are giving your kids the options to make their own decisions and explain why; I think you should get to too. Why not decline and explain why, as rationally and calmly as you possibly can? 

Ooh, I like that! That's what I need to read....Mmmmmm.....

[Boot]

I have the same stance on zoos. I actually think it's good for the kids to go and see for themselves why you oppose them. I'm not sure if I'd go though. Hmmmmmm... I'll have to think about that.

[Irishmommy]

We had the same issue when dd was in grade 3, but it was MarineLand. After much discussion (and iirc, a thread here ) I told her that I wasn't going to stop her going, but I wasn't paying for it, and would not be volunteering to chaperone (she loved me chaperoning). I refused to fill out or sign the forms.

So she did. Dh signed the forms (with my knowledge) and she paid for it herself. And we talked before and after about it.

[peaceful_mama]

hmmm  well, my thing is not the zoo thing, but when my son was asking about vegetarians and vegetarianism, we talked a lot about why DH and I believe it is OK to eat meat, why we believe we need it, our religious beliefs about the treatment of the animals....in 6 year old terms.  And I told him that if he truly did not want to eat meat, I would include meat-free options for him in family meals.  (There's 7 of us, 6 of whom are old enough for table food.  My solution to accomodating many tastes and meeting nutritional needs is to make smaller amounts of many items rather than large amounts of 1-2 things.  Or sometimes raid the leftovers and add in what's missing.  So it's pretty easy for me to accomodate that way.)

He did not actually make the choice to go meat-free.  But I did make it clear that I would accomodate him without all of us going vegetarian.

kind of the same thing....if you don't like the zoo, don't want to see the animals confined, don't want to pay to support it, whatever, don't.  They have this opportunity where the transportation and supervision are being provided and you don't have to be involved....maybe they need to see for themselves why you don't take them to zoos.

[rubidoux]

I can't imagine why you'd want to go.  I doubt there will be teachable moments that you can't make up for with a talk before or after.  If I were in your shoes, I would definitely let them go but I would not go myself.  I don't go on every field trip my son has, so I wouldn't think I had to be at the one that really bothered me.  

Also, I do kind of think it's like vegetarianism or something  --  maybe children are better off being left to make their own decisions about these things.  And I could imagine it taking more than one trip to the zoo for them to reach their final feelings on it.  They may come around to your position tomorrow or in a year or in ten.  You probably didn't come to this position on zoos without ever seeing one and having some time to mull it over.

[Magali]

I hear you mama.  On one hand it would be good to go with so you could see how your kids react (and be there for them if they decide they want to get the heck outta there), and on the other hand I wouldn't want to go to a zoo for anything.  I think it would be perfectly ok to not go.

[Magali]

Originally Posted by peaceful_mama 

kind of the same thing....if you don't like the zoo, don't want to see the animals confined, don't want to pay to support it, whatever, don't.  They have this opportunity where the transportation and supervision are being provided and you don't have to be involved....maybe they need to see for themselves why you don't take them to zoos.

Well said.

[AllyRae]

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  Not only because of your values, but because your outright opposition to the zoo would probably cause the trip to be less than fun for the children involved.  If you want them to be able to make their own judgement about it, they need to be able to be objective about the experience.  I'd just tell them that they can choose to see the zoo, but that you are making the choice not to see the zoo, and leave it at that.  As a parent, we can't chaperone every field trip, for various reasons.  I've had to decline several field trips due to having 2 other younger kids, having to be at an appointment, or other reasons.  It only becomes a big deal if the parent makes it out to be.  Otherwise, it's just pretty easy to say "I know you want to go.  It's not really my cup of tea, but maybe I can go on the next field trip you guys take in the fall."

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  Not only because of your values, but because your outright opposition to the zoo would probably cause the trip to be less than fun for the children involved. If you want them to be able to make their own judgement about it, they need to be able to be objective about the experience.

This is a great point,

I also don't think I'd want to compromise my ethics like this. I'm not opposed to zoos, but there are lots of other things I am opposed to, and I can't imagine going along in that kind of situation -- it's not fair to you (or your kids, really).

Another way to think about it... say you were a vegetarian (or maybe you are, I don't know) and your kids want to try meat. Would you try it right along with them, or would you have them do it on their own?

[Linda on the move]

No, dont go.

There are so many ways to be involved in our kids lives and with their school, it's fine to just say no to anything we really don't want to do. I think it's good for our kids and teaches them to kindly say no. We tell our kids they can say no to things, but you have a chance to show them how.

I suggest that next year you help plan field trips for the school. Your ideas would be more enriching because most the kids have been to the zoo before, but I bet that haven't done some of those other things.

[Greenlea]

I wouldn't go.  While I do go to the zoo, I feel the same way about the circus.  I have never been to the circus, and wont' take my children.  I like going to the "zoo" by my house, which is really just an animal sanctuary for animals that have been hurt or injured and can't be re-introduced back into the wild.

[swd12422]

I wouldn't go. I think it could be a good educational experience for the kids, but I also think that by not going you are teaching them to stick to their values despite what anyone (even one you love with all your heart) thinks/says/does. I would let them go, and then let them talk about what they liked/didn't like/how they felt, and try not to show my disappointment if they come back all excited and loving it. It's cool to see animals up close like that, and they may be a little young to consider the dark side of it. And of course you have plenty of time to help them understand (and probably take on)  your perspective on that.

[HappyHappyMommy]

Originally Posted by AttunedMama 
I have been opposed to zoos since before I had these kids, and have certainly never taken them. They know why, we have had many talks.

 

Please don't tell me to 'get over' my original position, I'm really OK with that aspect of things.

I'm not suggesting that you change your position, but I'm curious about why are anti-zoo. I consider myself fairly progressive and this is just an issue I've never considered for myself. I'd be interested to hear and learn from your perspective!

Thanks in advance!

[EviesMom]

I don't hold your viewpoint at all, but in your shoes, I would let the kids go and not go myself. I can't think of any positive aspect to you chaperoning a trip you're opposed to. 

[philomom]

Originally Posted by EviesMom 

I don't hold your viewpoint at all, but in your shoes, I would let the kids go and not go myself. I think if you go you may well ostracize your family from other school families (As a parent, I would be put out if you attended as a vocal chaperone and ruined the experience for my child), stress yourself out, make it less educational and objective for your children. I can't think of any positive aspect to you chaperoning a trip you're opposed to. 

Yep. I agree with this post!


BTW, some zoos do a lot of good. I know you aren't interested in being persuaded but they really do.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=how-do-zoos-help-endangered-animals

http://www.nhpr.org/node/24178

Not mention they educate the public on the wildlife, habitats, preserving those habitats and how humans CAN help.

[nextcommercial]

I don't think you should go.  Not for your own feelings, but for those of others.  If you don't enjoy the zoo, you won't be a good chaperone.  Not that you'd sigh and roll your eyes and make fake gagging gestures, but, the kids would know you don't agree with zoos.

The kids will have fun, and as you said, they can make up their own mind...so, send them a lunch in a reusable or recyclable bag, and  wish them a happy day.

[nextcommercial]

Ignore... I messed something up.

[ilovemygirl]

If this is something you feel strongly about, I would advise against you going, if only to show the kids that it's important to stick to your values.

I have refused to go to certain places before due to moral reasons (and ChuckECheese due to sanity reasons ..lol) and have not allowed dd to go as well but she's also younger than your kids. I saw the vegetarian comments in previous posts. We are an ethical vegetarian family and the same applies. When dd is old enough to choose, she can go ahead but I'm sure not chomping into burger with her.