What was your primary motivation for homeschooling?

[MittensKittens]

There are many, many convincing reasons to homeschool, and they have all been discussed on here before. What I am trying to get at here is the following (quote from the current thread about socialization):

Having home schooled and public schooled my kids....for me, its kinda a chicken and egg thing...

Does the homeschooling lifestyle attract oddball parents ?

or

Do oddball kids find their way to homeschooling because public school is not a good fit?

Some of both for sure

So what I am curious about is whether you, as parents, already decided you were going to homeschool before your kids were born, or when they were young - based on conviction and your own preferences? Or did you only become open to the idea of homeschooling after your child or children showed clear signs that public school would not be a good fit for them, either before or after enrolling them in a public school?

My family is a combination of both. My main motivators for homeschooling were flexibility, the freedom to learn beyond what the public school system offers in accordance with the child's needs and wishes, and learning more about the world at large by being an active participant in it (instead of sitting in a classroom all day). Now that my daughter is older, she has proven to be a divergent thinker and gifted my earlier decisions have gained even more weight. In addition, I am hoping to avoid constant discrimination (that's what you get when you belong to a minority). 

I don't like the word "oddball" and would prefer some less charged word like divergent, eccentric, alternative, or whatever applies. But yes, being outside of the norm intellectually or in terms of lifestyle makes homeschooling more appealing. I do believe that one does not have to be outside of the norm to benefit from homeschooling though :).

Your thoughts? Care to have a discussion?

[AllyRae]

We had decided to homeschool our older daughter even though my son goes to a Montessori school.  My daughter has selective mutism and reactive attachment disorder, along with some auditory processing issues, and school would have been extremely detrimental to her, and her therapist agreed.  

However, we recently decided that we were going to pull my son out of his school and homeschool him--his autism was causing difficulties because the staff was not adequately trained to work with him in a way that would help him be successful, and so we decided that he needed a bit more personalized education than what he could get in school.

Homeschooling for us had nothing to do with being an alternative lifestyle or trying to prove how crunchy we are or whatever.  For us, homeschooling was the best option we had in our area for our children's particular needs.  If homeschooling is ever not the best option we have, we will switch to that best option.  We are fairly flexible and only do things as long as it's in our children's best interest, regardless of whether it's what we always thought we'd do.

[Daffodil]

I'm homeschooling my kids because I'm an oddball, not because they are.  I decided I'd rather homeschool my kids if possible long before I actually had kids.  The first time I remember strongly feeling I didn't want to send my kids to school was when I was a grad student living in a rented house and found a lot of some kid's school papers that had been left behind in a closet - page after page of dittoed fill-in-the-blank fact regurgitation and the like.  I couldn't bear the thought of my kid having to put up with such tedium day after day.  Between then and the time I actually had kids, I heard and saw plenty of other things about school that reinforced my feelings about it.  And of course, I always had in mind my own school experiences, which were often boring and/or socially unpleasant.  I think my kids would fit in a lot better at school than I did, though.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

We had decided to homeschool our older daughter even though my son goes to a Montessori school.  My daughter has selective mutism and reactive attachment disorder, along with some auditory processing issues, and school would have been extremely detrimental to her, and her therapist agreed.  

However, we recently decided that we were going to pull my son out of his school and homeschool him--his autism was causing difficulties because the staff was not adequately trained to work with him in a way that would help him be successful, and so we decided that he needed a bit more personalized education than what he could get in school.

Homeschooling for us had nothing to do with being an alternative lifestyle or trying to prove how crunchy we are or whatever.  For us, homeschooling was the best option we had in our area for our children's particular needs.  If homeschooling is ever not the best option we have, we will switch to that best option.  We are fairly flexible and only do things as long as it's in our children's best interest, regardless of whether it's what we always thought we'd do.

Thanks for sharing. That sounds like a great decision.

Just to clarify that when I mentioned "lifestyle" I was not talking about "proving how crunchy we are" or something like that. For me personally, it refers to being a single parent in a society where that is not at all accepted, and being foreigners in a country where that is not really popular. Though the fact that my kids would certainly be discriminated against in public school for both these things is not a motivator to homeschool, this not happening at home is certainly a nice perk. In fact, the very system discriminates against children of single parents. Official policy dictates that "children of incomplete families" should not be placed in the same class room, because they are seen as potential trouble makers that are best separated, so the rest of the class doesn't suffer. I was shocked when I found this out, but it says it right there in policy papers.

[Lisa1970]

Originally, it was the bullying in the public school. It was nasty there. The principal was the worst (and has been fired since). But, the bullying was out of control and even seemed as if it was encouraged. My child was thrown to the ground and kicked in the stomach until his glasses fell off and then his glasses stomped on. It was awful. That was just one of many incidents. Some parents even seem proud when their kids are bullies.

But, once at home, I found huge gaps in their educations. We were in an exemplary school, yet, at home, working less than half the hours, with much happier people, we quickly passed the public schools by. The education we provided at home was so incredibly superior to what was going on in the public schools.

Then we discovered the other benefits. We actually KNOW our children. Knowing our children takes on a whole new level when home schooling. It is something someone probably could not understand if they are not with their children fulltime. My children actually have been discovering who they really are. I never realized before how quickly kids are labeled at the public schools and how they cannot get out of that label. By the 2nd week of kinder, they are the smart one, the quiet one, the weird one, the pretty one, the popular one, etc. Now, when my children want a certain haircut or to dress a certain way or do something, I know it is because THEY want it, not because others in their classes at school have it.

Now that my olders are 15 and 16, I look at other kids this age. my nieces are just clones of the other kids around them. They have the same hair style, the same dress, so on. My one niece tried to convince my daughter that if she did not dress more showy, (we are talking strapless bikini that barely was staying on and the bottoms were extremely showy too) that she would be humiliated and stand out and everyone would hate her. While my daughter never believed my niece, it did give an insight as to how my niece feels and why she dresses that way. My niece is now the captain of her cheer team. She is very pretty and all and I think she could be her own person and still be popular. But she is completely a clone, a lemming. She cannot even think for herself. She often gives my daughter a hard time about the things she does and how she dresses. It is stuff like my daughter plays in an orchestra, wears a tankini, not bikini, and so on. Funny thing is, my teens do not date and my nieces do. Yet, my teens have very good friends who are of both genders. My niece's life is in constant turmoil with whomever she has labeled as her boyfriend at the time. Both nieces are just so obsessed with how to get others to like them. My children concern themselves more with how they like themselves and how to treat others well. 

It is a hard thing to describe. But home schoolers often stand out to me now with the older kids. At the teen level, it is quite obvious. They are the ones with their own hairstyles and who seem more grounded. But this post is long enough and I have to go. I hope I have helped!

[ilovemygirl]

My motivation is almost purely emotional/social. The bullying and social cliques, even in elementary - even in preschool here are frightening to me. I can't imagine subjecting my baby to that all day every day whether she's four or fourteen. I admit I want to shelter her a little. I think it should be my choice as a parent when she is ready to be exposed to and taught certain things and there's no way to control that in a public school. 

Also, I want to be with her and she wants to be with me. It's a win/win :)

[moominmamma]

We certainly had not decided to homeschool before our kids were born. In fact we chose to live in the town where we do because the school was so wonderful, innovative and progressive. My eldest dd turned out to have some selective mutism and giftedness issues which in combination did not seem like they were going to be a good fit for the school. 

So you might think we started homeschooling because of our oddball kid's needs.

But then there was this: At least two friends had asked me, around about when my eldest was a toddler, whether I was intending to homeschool. "Gosh, no!" I replied. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know," they said. "It's just that you seem like someone who would want to homeschool."

So perhaps my oddball kid didn't fall far from the oddball tree.

Miranda

[jumpmama]

My reason is quite simple. Homeschoolers are unique and public school was a harsh place to grow up. Even being one of the more "popular girls" my learning experience was non existant. I didnt learn a thing.

[mom2ponygirl]

We started homeschooling when we realized that the age/grade lockstep wasn't going to fit our dd (K age) very well.  It was a one year experiment.    Some years later, she did try half-time public high school.  It was then that we all realized that the kind of education any of us envisioned wasn't going to happen in school.  Sometimes I wish she had a larger local social group, but I think it is my public school mentality kicking in and wanting a high friend count for her to prove we've made the right choice.  She says she is quite happy the way things are, thank you very much.  She gets along well with everyone, but I do think she is grieving the loss of a long time best friend.  Her bff from the age of 5, has over the past couple of years, really gotten sucked into the mean girl culture.  My dd has distanced herself somewhat.  She still maintains contact, hoping her friend will grow out of it soon.  

[Stephenie]

We looked into it starting when I was pregnant. I just felt like you could learn so much more from the world than the classroom. Then my son was born and the more we got to know him, the worse a fit he seemed for public school and the more sense homeschool made. He's gifted (reading at a third grade level and he turned 4 six weeks ago) and also has Asperger's and SPD. Hates large groups of people. Doesn't sit still well. Really does not have patience for being told how to do what he already knows how to do. So Kindergarten sounds to me like it would be torture for him. He is not going to want to sit in his seat and "learn" his letters with a group of loud kids. Just not going to happen. So it was a combination... I was interested already, but his own quirks sealed the deal.

[Storm Bride]

My oldest is public schooled (graduates in a couple of weeks!). I wasn't crazy about it, but I wasn't very familiar with homeschooling back then, and probably couldn't have managed it, anyway (low income, and my marriage ended just before ds1 finished grade one - my stress level back then was insanely high). In any case, ds1 was/is intelligent, socially skilled and just generally of a personality type that I feel does quite well in the public school system.

Anyway...I haven't been all that thrilled with the quality of ds1's education, and when dd1 arrived, she was a very different personality - shy, intense, very sensitive to criticism, and highly volatile. By the time she'd reached kindergarten age, dh and I had decided to try homeschooling, instead of sending her to public school (private schools really aren't a viable option for us, financially, even if there were any around here that appealed to me). So far, it's going quite well.

I had a miserable experience in school, and don't have any fondness for its educational quality or the socialization aspects of it.

[Momtotherue]

I began thinking about home schooling while I was pregnant. As a child, I always wanted to be home schooled, because I HATED daycare and school and I missed my parents. I knew when I got pregnant I wanted to give my dd all the experiences I missed out on. I think my biggest motivation, as of right now, to home school dd in the future is that I want to be the one to decide what she's exposed to and how fast. I don't want to completely shelter her from the world though. I'd just like to make sure she's getting the correct information at a time where it's age-appropriate. Also, I'm genuinely looking forward to spending time with my little girl! And, I think that children in the schools around me don't have nearly enough time to play. I want my child to BE a child for as long as she can. That means playing as much as possible, and being allowed to explore her world as much as she wants to, at her own pace.

[Cyllya]

I don't have kids yet and I already want to homeschool them.

If I had to narrow it down to one reason, it would be my children's happiness. I was so miserable in school... but I don't feel like my situation was special. You hear all sorts of school-related horror stories on homeschooling websites, but none of those things happened to me! I actually do really well in a classroom environment, and I can learn from lectures as long as the lecturer isn't a horrible speaker. I was bullied a little, but it didn't have any long-lasting effects. In fact, I was fairly popular, in spite of being kind of weird; I never had my individuality stamped out or anything. All the authority figures liked me; it's kind of baffling to think back on all the crazy stuff I was able to get away with. (I punched my sixth grade teacher in the stomach! Nobody said anything!) I was in the gifted pull-out program and therefore got to do all sorts of things beyond what the normal kids got. I once went on an out-of-state field trip to Disney land, and another to the beach and Sea World. The "advanced" English classes and homework-heavy math classes were almost the only things I ever struggled with, in terms of grades, but I was able to drop down to normal English classes and get all easy A's and I was blessed to have a really-cool low-homework math teacher for three whole years of high school math. I never studied for tests, except when I was very young and my step-dad was very anal about me getting 100% on my spelling tests. I finally dug my heels in and he gave up and accepted me getting 90%s.

But I hated school. I hated it. The more it went on, the worse it got. By the time high school rolled around, I considered my school to be a pretentious daycare center and I rarely felt like I was learning anything. I toughed it out because my parents (and everyone else) told me that, regardless of how educated you actually were, you needed that piece of paper they give you at the end of school in order to make future employers think I was educated. Years later I learned more about homeschooling and realized that wasn't true. I went through all that for nothing! Then I read The Teenager's Liberation Handbook and realized just how many opportunities were sacrificed due to my schooling. I don't think I will ever stop grieving for those 13 years.

Plus, you know all those things people complain about schools not teaching? I learned all those things (not necessarily from school) by the time I graduated, but I was still an uneducated loser with no life skills or job skills or anything skills. (Now 2.5 years after getting a bachelor's degree, I'm in pretty much the same state, except I did find one company willing to hire me as a temp worker for $7.50/hr [no benefits], and I have over $40,000 in student loan debt. Yay.)

I'd probably let my kid go to school if he reeeeaaaally wanted to.... Reluctantly.

[Stacey B]

It all started on the first date dh and I had. He told me that he would never want to send a kid to middle school. Then I got to meet a friend of his and his daughter who he had HS since she was born. It all fit with everything else in our lives. I'm an ex-teacher and have seen for myself what goes on in a school, even in a very progressive/alternative one. I want my son to learn, to experience the world and explore what interests him. Not spend his time waiting for others to understand things or dealing with social situations. But as he has gotten older I am seeing more reasons, he has so many questions about the world, I remember kids like this as a teacher, at first it is a pleasure to answer them, but in a class of 32 (that's the kindergarten size of the local school) he would soon be stifled. I may get tired of answering question but I never stifle them completely. His curiosity about so many things lead to natural learning, sticking him in a classroom to follow a prescribe way and schedule would sour him.

We have been lucky to fall in with a community of like minded homeschooling families, his is just turning five in about a month so while most of his peers are heading off to school all of his friends are homeschoolers so he doesn't feel left out.

Edited by Stacey B - 6/8/11 at 4:36pm

[Greenmama2]

Yes, both for us. DH and I talked about homeschooling before DD was conceived (during a previous pregnancy which ended sadly) and decided for certain when she was only one. However by the time she was just over 4 it was pretty clear we would be hard pressed to find a school that could/would actually accommodate her learning needs, so we are pretty much stuck with this decision.

[pigpokey]

My first motivation was, here I found myself raising kids in a great metropolitan area with so many great teachers and coaches offering so many great skills.  I didn't see that a school day would give them time to do all the cool things they could learn to do very well.  School is a compromise of mediocrity compared to what you can get a la carte on "specials" in a city.

My second related motivation was that I don't believe group learning is efficient.  I was highly gifted, and on reflection, what I learned in an elementary school day I could have learned in 15 minutes if I'd just been left alone with the book and gotten maybe sixty seconds of individual instruction.  It wasn't paced to me and it took too much time.  I remember the long periods of just waiting for something to happen.  My kids study at their level and the amount of time their academics takes is very compressed compared to a school day.

My third motivation is much like the second, but expands that I just do a lot better than schools at promoting academic skill aquisition.  I don't take the summer off.  I don't switch curriculums or styles arbitrarily at the start of a new year.  I am certainly not doing Everyday Math.  I am not constrained by NCLB testing.  My child to teacher ratio is fabulous.  I can't do day long second language immersion, but the only school around here that does that is an hour away from me and costs about $15K per year.  We do Rosetta Stone and they can do that every day, not once a week like many schools. 

[2xy]

Well....I would have to answer "other."

DS1 was doing well in school but I could see he was becoming bored and fidgety. He was one of those who showed up for Kindergarten already reading chapter books and doing 2nd-grade math. Still, the teachers kept him fairly busy and he seemed to mostly enjoy school. When he hit 2nd grade he started becoming a "problem" for his teacher, but we were getting ready to relocate so we had a "let's wait and see" attitude.

We ended up being stationed at a military base with no DoD school, and the base was surrounded by inner city. We were to be there for 14 months. The elementary school available to us had unmarked entrances, barred windows, and security guards. So, I guess you could say I pulled him from school because it wasn't a good fit....but really, if we'd had a better option for public school, he probably would have stayed in public school.

After homeschooling for a while, homeschooling became a conviction. DS2 has never been to school. We moved to a nice area with decent schools after that year-long tour and DS1 never returned to school, either.

ETA: I've always been considered an oddball, though, even when my kid was in school. I've always been too odd to be mainstream, and too mainstream to be truly odd.

Edited by 2xy - 6/3/11 at 11:16am

[4evermom]

I didn't plan on homeschooling.  I really wanted to send ds to school, have him be happy and engaged there.  But he wasn't.  I wouldn't call either of us oddballs, maybe creative problem solvers...

[sarahtar]

Not sure I agree with the "oddball" definition, there, but we planned to homeschool before we had any kids. I had a terrible PS experience, we live in a city with terrible public schools, and I personally feel like I'm lucky to have survived PS with my morals and values intact -- I didn't want to put my kids through the academic, social, moral, and ethical trials that I had to survive. Childhood shouldn't be about just doing what you have to to survive.

[accidental_hs'er]

I knew nothing about homeschooling and had some inaccurate presumptions about homeschoolers in general.  I know we shocked a lot of people when we came to this decision.  I, in now way, exude "crunchy" mom and we are atheists.  The key demographic of hs'ers were religious zealots and hippies, or so I thought.   My son never seemed like he would be a good fit for school.  A gifted boy with other issues like inattention and hyperactivity.  Stuff he is growing out of now but would have been a nightmare for kindergarten.  His peers were learning the alphabet when he could read Magic Treehouse books but was easily distracted by shiny things.  School was to learn (he was years ahead) and to learn how to conform (something I was never keen on anyway). 

I knew I couldn't send him.  The more I forced pre-school stuff on him the more he shut down.  He was also a very sensitive boy.  I finally listened to my inner voice and ignored everyone around us who thought I was coddling a momma's boy and made the leap into homeschooling.  It was terrifying.

Now we homeschool because we are the 'oddball' parents.  We love homeschooling.  We love our lives.  I know so many people.  We are part of such an amazing community.  At this point, the folks that send their kids to school seem like the oddball ones to me. 

I think what  drove me here was my inability to settle for just good enough - the status quo.  School wasn't good for my ds but we were told it was good enough.  He'd manage, or adapt.  We wouldn't always be happy but it was just what people do.  I rarely do something just because "everyone" else is doing it too.  I'd rather be an oddball anyway and if my kids, as awesome as they are, are oddballs - well, I couldn't be prouder!