Postpartum Chat - June - Page 11

[erigeron]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommy2Austin 

I'm officially calling it colic. She just isn't happy. I've nursed her hours on end. Burped endlessly. Held and snuggled her. Bounced her. Changed her diaper. Massage. I even broke down and had DH feed her two ounces of formula because NOTHING seemed to be working (and I desperately needed a shower.) She's running on as much sleep (or as little I should say) as I am. She WON'T sleep for more than 5 minutes in arms or out.

I'm sorry! I have no idea what to do but I hope matters improve for you.

Jenni, hope the talk with your mom goes well. That sucks that she has such unrealistic expectations. I have only the one kid and hubby around, and our house is still going to h*ll cleanliness-wise--I can't imagine trying to keep things in perfect order with 3, even if 2 are old enough to do something.

We went to our local natural family living store today and got a BabyHawk, which is a Mei Tai style carrier. I hadn't thought that a Mei Tai would work for me since I tend to have issues with tightness in my shoulders, but I liked the way this one spread the weight out over my body and it really didn't bother my shoulders and back. And since it ties it'll be easy to share with my husband if he wants to use it. I also tried a Beco but didn't like it as much--the straps felt kind of weird. it's such a hassle wrestling her into the Snuggy Baby because of her hip harness, so I think this will be a lot better. So I wore her for about an hour while watching TV and cutting out some stuff for my next sewing project (going to make more breast pads out of T-shirt fabric). Then she pooped all over everything, so we had to give her a bath and wash everything I was wearing including the carrier. And then she spent the next 2 hours on the boob with maybe 10 minutes off at a time. I'm worn out and headachy and want a nap, but I've sort of given up on that. So instead I'm eating. The corn that came in our farm share this week is amazing. Oh, and I got some cloth dipes (some fitteds and some BumGenius) at a yard sale that I'm looking forward to trying out, though I didn't realize the BumGenius were AIOs instead of pockets because I wasn't paying attention. Bum Genius don't work on her right now anyway because the tabs and the harness don't play well together. But I'm sure I'll use them down the line.

[Mommy2Austin]

Things were a little better last night. She finally settled down around midnight. I went to bed like normal and DH promised to bring her in when she woke up. He said he brought her in around 3ish which means I got a good stretch of sleep. She nursed on and off and I finally got up around 10. DH slept in the living room so he would get up when I did and so that his snoring wouldn't wake up the baby like it had the night before.

We're going grocery shopping tonight and I'm really focusing on buying all good foods. No junk. Basically meat and veggies. Maybe some frozen fruit. I'm going to work on drinking more water/tea and less sugary soda. I'm thinking it might help everything and pull me out of this funky cycle of BLAH.

[Smokering]

Jenni: He sounds like a real charmer! There's no way you could get child support without allowing him to have a relationship with the baby (to avoid disappointment issues later on)? I don't really know how these things work... but I do firmly hold to the opinion that if you help create a baby, you darn well help pay for its upkeep. But I realise things aren't always that easy. :( I hope things start looking up soon!

DH gave me "the Mom Cut" yesterday. Well, sorta. :p He hacked off about seven inches of my hair... which is considerably less dramatic than it sounds, as it went from below my bottom to hip-length. (I was going to be rash and cut it back to waist, but DH left a few inches of leeway in case of mistakes, and when he finally got it straight he didn't want to tempt fate!) It looks much less scraggly now, and should be easier to take care of. I hate dealing with my hair post-partum, and I'd hack it all off, except I look atrocious with short hair... at least, I did when I was twelve, and haven't dared to repeat the experiment since. :p

Was intending to go to Bible study today, but just could not get out of bed by 9:15. I eventually got up at, um, 11. We really need to stop living with such a screwy timetable! We have breakfast at, like, 11:30, and then lunch at 3, and dinner at 8 or 9... and don't go to bed until eleven or twelve, and then get up really late. We've never been exactly early-to-bed-early-to-rise types, but it's gotten ridiculous recently. Probably isn't helping my mental health any.

Right, I have to go bake stuff! Will visit my mother this afternoon: she's always keen to see the baby.

[Snowflake777]

I had a pretty good afternoon. I met up with some other expat mothers I met through a local FB group. They seemed really nice. It's so good to make new connections, especially seeing as I don't so many people here.

I finally found out a burping method that works pretty well! I've been using it today and baby girl's been puking less, and less fussy - result! Here's the technique: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xcGbd8xWGI

Originally Posted by erigeron 

Jenni, hope the talk with your mom goes well. That sucks that she has such unrealistic expectations. I have only the one kid and hubby around, and our house is still going to h*ll cleanliness-wise--I can't imagine trying to keep things in perfect order with 3, even if 2 are old enough to do something.

Yep, I hope it goes well too Jenni. I totally agree with erigeron - I have both my husband AND my mother here to help for the first month, and one older child, and our house is still a disaster zone. And taking kids out and doing craft activities? Forget it. I hope your mother can readjust her expectations.

Regarding the sperm donor (hope you don't mind me calling him that, "father" doesn't fit), it sounds like you'll all be better off with him out of your lives. I want to encourage you to go for child support, but I have no idea how it works so I'll just assume you've weighed your options and doing what you feel is best.

Originally Posted by Mommy2Austin 

Things were a little better last night. She finally settled down around midnight. I went to bed like normal and DH promised to bring her in when she woke up. He said he brought her in around 3ish which means I got a good stretch of sleep. She nursed on and off and I finally got up around 10. DH slept in the living room so he would get up when I did and so that his snoring wouldn't wake up the baby like it had the night before.

I'm glad you got a little sleep.

Originally Posted by Smokering 

DH gave me "the Mom Cut" yesterday. Well, sorta. :p He hacked off about seven inches of my hair... which is considerably less dramatic than it sounds, as it went from below my bottom to hip-length. (I was going to be rash and cut it back to waist, but DH left a few inches of leeway in case of mistakes, and when he finally got it straight he didn't want to tempt fate!) It looks much less scraggly now, and should be easier to take care of. I hate dealing with my hair post-partum, and I'd hack it all off, except I look atrocious with short hair... at least, I did when I was twelve, and haven't dared to repeat the experiment since. :p

I got nervous when I read that you'd cut off 7 inches, but it sounds like you have plenty to spare!

Mine's a total disaster at the moment. My fringe was down to my nose, so I attempted to cut it, only to realise that the scissors I was using were totally blunt and wrecking my hair. So I stopped halfway through and now it's all wonky. I think I'm going to see if I can get a freelance hairdresser to come to my house for a cut. It's only been about a year since my last one.

[Smokering]

I finally found out a burping method that works pretty well! I've been using it today and baby girl's been puking less, and less fussy - result! Here's the technique: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xcGbd8xWGI

Drat. I already know that one. I was googling burp techniques for ages last night, but it doesn't seem like there have been any innovations in the field since I googled them three years ago for DD! It's funny how different DD and Miles are - she used to burp well with the twisting-from-the-waist technique, which has never worked for him. Miles prefers the simple over-the-shoulder back-patting method. DD used to like the "flying baby" technique, Miles doesn't. And she threw up a LOT more than he does - he's only vomited copious amounts of milk maybe 4 or 5 times in his tiny life? And people say all babies are the same!

Miles made cute gurgly noises in his sleep this morning, and DD started giggling. I think she was asleep too. :p Having the whole family sleep in one room is kinda fun sometimes!

[Momsteader]

Jenni, I'm sure you are aware, but child support and visitation are separate issues, but yes, sometimes pursuing child support can cause an uninvolved bio-dad to want visitation since he feels he's 'paying for it' anyway. Technically, you can get child support and then he would have to pursue visitation separately. But, without him on the birth certificate, he'd have to first pursue paternity THEN visitation and that can be a deterrent for an uninvolved dad.  It's a tough choice I'm sure.

I don't even burp my babe mostly and he seems to be fine. During the day if I think about it, I will. And no pukes other than a teensy little spit up a few times. So different than my others. They were power pukers! I suppose there is always the future...LOL  He did have a massive blow out diaper yesterday--first one and of course when we were out. And, he was in the carrier. And, we were shopping....over an hour from home. And, my shirt got the brunt of it. Luckily, it just so happened that I'd purchased a new shirt earlier in the day :) But, it was a 10 or more baby wipe complete change for baby and mom in the parking lot. Ah fun!  I think it's the last of wearing the NB diapers as they are really just too small <already!?>.

[jshannyn519]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

Jenni: He sounds like a real charmer! There's no way you could get child support without allowing him to have a relationship with the baby (to avoid disappointment issues later on)? I don't really know how these things work... but I do firmly hold to the opinion that if you help create a baby, you darn well help pay for its upkeep. But I realise things aren't always that easy. :( I hope things start looking up soon!

Originally Posted by Snowflake777 

Regarding the sperm donor (hope you don't mind me calling him that, "father" doesn't fit), it sounds like you'll all be better off with him out of your lives. I want to encourage you to go for child support, but I have no idea how it works so I'll just assume you've weighed your options and doing what you feel is best.

Originally Posted by CrunchyClark 

Jenni, I'm sure you are aware, but child support and visitation are separate issues, but yes, sometimes pursuing child support can cause an uninvolved bio-dad to want visitation since he feels he's 'paying for it' anyway. Technically, you can get child support and then he would have to pursue visitation separately. But, without him on the birth certificate, he'd have to first pursue paternity THEN visitation and that can be a deterrent for an uninvolved dad.  It's a tough choice I'm sure.

Snowflake, I don't mind you calling him the sperm donor. That's what I've started referring to him as in my head as well.

Right now he has no legal rights to Ezrah because he's not on the birth certificate. That means that he doesn't have to pay child support because the state doesn't recognize him as Ezrah's father. That also means that if he wants to see the baby or establish visitation/custody arrangements, he legally cannot because he has no legal rights to the baby. So I can establish paternity and get child support, but that means that as a result of the sperm donor being established as Ezrah's father, we have to figure out a custody agreement. And then once the custody agreement has been established, he'd probably never do anything about it, but since it would be on the books, so to speak, if he decided after 3 years of zero contact that he wanted to exercise his visitation or whatever, I would have to let him do it. Even if he'd never seen the baby at all and Ezrah had no idea who he even is. Since SD (sperm donor) has already shown that he can't be depended on to follow through or tell the truth, I can see him doing something like that. And it would have terrible consequences for Ezrah. Since there's no way to get child support without establishing paternity, and custody comes along with that package, I'm just going to forfeit the child support so that I can protect Ezrah from the heartbreak of a father who will disappear for months at a time and then pop back up acting like nothing ever happened and he wasn't just MIA for months.

Originally Posted by Smokering 

Was intending to go to Bible study today, but just could not get out of bed by 9:15. I eventually got up at, um, 11. We really need to stop living with such a screwy timetable! We have breakfast at, like, 11:30, and then lunch at 3, and dinner at 8 or 9... and don't go to bed until eleven or twelve, and then get up really late. We've never been exactly early-to-bed-early-to-rise types, but it's gotten ridiculous recently. Probably isn't helping my mental health any.

My schedule has been like that too! I'm trying to get back to a somewhat normal schedule, but it's so hard to get up in the morning.

I did actually manage to haul myself out of bed before 10 am today. I've been wanting to wash and repaint our mailbox and I can't do it when it's hot outside. Spray paint just doesn't do well when it's 104F outside, you know? And the stupid birds in our tree out front, I swear, are using the mailbox as poop target practice. I hosed and scrubbed it off, dried it, sprayed it with the new paint (a darker version of the purple that was already on there) and even painted our house number on it as well. I even repainted the flag. Now I just need to find the spray clear coat so I can protect all my work!

Mom and I didn't end up talking last night. By the time that she got home from the chiropractor and Central Market after being at work all day the kids were chomping at the bit to do their fireworks. Since the big blow up was on the 4th, none of us felt like doing fireworks and celebrating anything. The kids lost their chance to do them on the 5th because they were throwing those little poppers at each other's feet. Dummies. So we finally did them last night and it was fun! I normally don't light fireworks, but I wasn't about to let the kids do it, so I was the designated lighter person. And the hose person. I didn't want to set our yard on fire so I was hosing the yard down so the sparks wouldn't light a fire. Ezrah slept through the whole thing in the Faurgo. Even through the killer bee one, which has that really high pitched and LOUD whistley sort of noise.

And the cleaners came yesterday as well! Our house was actually pretty clean already, because we spent a huge part of the day on Monday cleaning it, and having the kids redo their cleaning until it was actually clean...  But that actually worked out well because the cleaners had time to do the stuff that we don't, like washing walls, cupboard doors, baseboards, and more. I walked the kids through the house and showed them everything and said, "THIS is what the house should look like after it's been cleaned. THIS is what Oma and I are talking about when we tell you that the sink needs to be cleaned."  The kids were mostly impressed with the fact that their beds were made by the housecleaners. Weirdos.

[amaayeh]

Jenni - I've been thinking about you.  I hope you and your mom get to talk soon and work something out.  I hope she realizes how hard you are trying.  Hugs to you!!!

Nursing question:  I have been starting to get sore on my left side over the past few days, but as of this morning, I'm almost screaming when either of my girls nurse.  I doesn't look red or inflamed, but it HURTS...and not even when they latch on...it's when they really start sucking once let down happens.  Any thoughts?  I'm afraid of thrush, but not sure that is it.  I don't see any blisters either.  Ugh. 

[jshannyn519]

Originally Posted by amaayeh 

Jenni - I've been thinking about you.  I hope you and your mom get to talk soon and work something out.  I hope she realizes how hard you are trying.  Hugs to you!!!

Nursing question:  I have been starting to get sore on my left side over the past few days, but as of this morning, I'm almost screaming when either of my girls nurse.  I doesn't look red or inflamed, but it HURTS...and not even when they latch on...it's when they really start sucking once let down happens.  Any thoughts?  I'm afraid of thrush, but not sure that is it.  I don't see any blisters either.  Ugh. 

It sounds more like a clogged duct than thrush. Thrush usually hurts with latching, not later on in nursing. If it's hurting after/with let-down it could be because there is milk that is backed up and can't get out. Massaging the area, especially while nursing, should help.

[Momsteader]

Jenni, be aware that even if he is NOT on the birth certificate in most states he could still petition to have paternity established if he can show a relationship (or even a one night stand) within a time period that could establish him as the father of the baby. And then get visitation, but if he's not inclined to be involved, it wouldn't be very likely. And, agreed that if you can live without it, sounds like you're better off not having him on there!

Andrea, try massaging that breast like Jenni suggests when they nurse to really clear all the milk out. Thrush can be a stabby kind of pain while nursing, but you'll usually see evidence of white plaque in baby's mouth too or cracked lips on baby/cracked nipples too is another sign and latching is usually painful.

I need a haircut too....and a pedi. My feet are so dry from wearing flip flops!

[amaayeh]

Thanks ladies.  I just had my 3 year old nurse and get most of the milk out.  It is feeling a bit better so hopefully that was it.  I think both sides are somewhat sore just because I have two kiddos on them constantly.  I started the baby on a paci (not that she really likes it) so that I could get moments of breaks for nursing.   She wants to nurse all.the.time. and so does my three year old.  Ugh. 

[Snowflake777]

Andrea - I third massaging, and let your baby drink & comfort suck off that side as much as possible. I had a clogged duct a few days ago and cleared it that way. Keep an eye on it - if it's red on the outside or you're getting feverish, it could be mastitis.

My little girl has the worst case of baby acne at the moment. People look at her and go "Aww she's...uhh...precious!!". DD1 had it too and it passed quickly, so hopefully it won't last long for this one either.

I went out today and had baby out of the pram a bit. I got lots of oohs and aahs from strangers. I guess you don't see 2.5 week-olds out in public much.

[jshannyn519]

Originally Posted by CrunchyClark 

Jenni, be aware that even if he is NOT on the birth certificate in most states he could still petition to have paternity established if he can show a relationship (or even a one night stand) within a time period that could establish him as the father of the baby. And then get visitation, but if he's not inclined to be involved, it wouldn't be very likely. And, agreed that if you can live without it, sounds like you're better off not having him on there!

I need a haircut too....and a pedi. My feet are so dry from wearing flip flops!

In Texas he can go through the steps to establish paternity. I don't think it's very likely, considering that he told me several times that he'd figured out a way to relinquish his parental rights. And then there's the whole flat-out refusing to sign the birth certificate thing...

I need a haircut and a pedi too. My feet are in sad shape right now!

Originally Posted by amaayeh 

Thanks ladies.  I just had my 3 year old nurse and get most of the milk out.  It is feeling a bit better so hopefully that was it.  I think both sides are somewhat sore just because I have two kiddos on them constantly.  I started the baby on a paci (not that she really likes it) so that I could get moments of breaks for nursing.   She wants to nurse all.the.time. and so does my three year old.  Ugh. 

I introduced a pacifier about 2 weeks ago to get a break from nursing when he wasn't hungry, just wanted to suck. He's soooooo not a fan! He'll take it for a little while and then spit it out. Thankfully it's long enough to get him to sleep, which tends to be the only time he needs it - when he's tired and has eaten but not fallen all the way asleep. The paci helps get him over that hump to being fully out. It has saved my nipples!

Originally Posted by Snowflake777 
My little girl has the worst case of baby acne at the moment. People look at her and go "Aww she's...uhh...precious!!". DD1 had it too and it passed quickly, so hopefully it won't last long for this one either.

I went out today and had baby out of the pram a bit. I got lots of oohs and aahs from strangers. I guess you don't see 2.5 week-olds out in public much.

Ezrah has rotating baby acne. It's only appearing in one place at a time. Right now it's on his chin. I'm hoping it goes away soon because it's so hard for me to leave it alone and not pick at it.

I get comments every time we go anywhere. I don't think that people bring new babies out much. Which I don't get. How do you get anything done, and doesn't it get really boring to be at home all day long?

[erigeron]

I get the same sort of comments. I dunno, but now that I think about it, I don't think I tend to see very many really new babies. And of course on TV a brand-new newborn is never played by a baby of that age either, so people aren't used to seeing them.

Did some shopping today and test-drove the Mei Tai. It doesn't kill my back, which is a plus. But it means I can't stare at her cute face all the time. Tradeoffs.

I feel like a bad mama for getting bored during 20-30 minute nursing sessions (particularly several of them in a row). I started watching a little TV. Is that bad? It's not like she's actually seeing any of it... her head is pointed the other direction. I suppose I could read? Or read to her? Not like it matters what I read to her, she won't understand it anyway. I don't know.

[Smokering]

I feel like a bad mama for getting bored during 20-30 minute nursing sessions (particularly several of them in a row). I started watching a little TV. Is that bad? It's not like she's actually seeing any of it... her head is pointed the other direction. I suppose I could read? Or read to her? Not like it matters what I read to her, she won't understand it anyway. I don't know.

LOL! I had to glance at your siggy after I read that... yup, you're a first-time mum. :p Dude, I do nearly all my daytime nursing while surfing the internet. If you want to be classier and actually read books, more power to ya! You don't have to be looking at her the whole time. She won't notice. Miles is pretty darned cute and I like looking at his squishy cheeks and all, but I'd get pretty bored doing that all day too! TOTALLY OK to multitask. Don't waste a shred of guilt on that! And yeah, I don't see how you watching TV is going to have a detrimental effect on her. I've read bad stuff about babies watching the flickering images, but nothing that indicates the sound is bad for their brains, so I'd vote for "have at it".

Honestly, this is one of the reasons I like little babies. I can be a good mother while being a bad mother. Their needs are so basic! I can read internet comics while feeding Miles and as far as he's concerned, I'm the bestest mummy in the world. Not like my pesky three-year-old who demands, like, eye contact and interaction and prepared meals and stuff.

[Snowflake777]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

LOL! I had to glance at your siggy after I read that... yup, you're a first-time mum. :p Dude, I do nearly all my daytime nursing while surfing the internet. If you want to be classier and actually read books, more power to ya! You don't have to be looking at her the whole time. She won't notice. Miles is pretty darned cute and I like looking at his squishy cheeks and all, but I'd get pretty bored doing that all day too! TOTALLY OK to multitask. Don't waste a shred of guilt on that! And yeah, I don't see how you watching TV is going to have a detrimental effect on her. I've read bad stuff about babies watching the flickering images, but nothing that indicates the sound is bad for their brains, so I'd vote for "have at it".

Honestly, this is one of the reasons I like little babies. I can be a good mother while being a bad mother. Their needs are so basic! I can read internet comics while feeding Miles and as far as he's concerned, I'm the bestest mummy in the world. Not like my pesky three-year-old who demands, like, eye contact and interaction and prepared meals and stuff.

This! If I'm home & breastfeeding then I'm either on my laptop or watching DVDs. Sometimes I read a book or attempt to sew a little, but mostly I'm just playing around on MDC or whatever. You're stuck in a chair anyway - it's not like you'd be out doing triathlons whilst breastfeeding if you weren't watching TV. ;)

So no guilt! Just enjoy it while it lasts. :)

[erigeron]

Heh, I sort of suspected that. The literature I brought home from the hospital says stuff like, talk to her and sing to her, etc. while nursing, changing her diaper, and so forth. I do this some, but she really doesn't seem to care either way. Half the time when she is nursing she seems at least half-asleep. The home health nurse said that getting into the habit of reading to her now can't hurt, but it doesn't matter what we read at this point since it's just the sound of our voices that she's reacting to. So yesterday I was reviewing for the board exam and read to her a little bit about asthma... more for my sake than hers really. If it's the TV screen and not the recorded sound that causes problems for babies, guess I'll continue marathoning Cheers reruns with a clear conscience.

[jshannyn519]

I read all kinds of books (silently) while I'm nursing. I also watch copious amounts of tv shows and movies on Netflix. I talk to him too, but he's barely making eye contact with me so I don't feel bad for not devoting 100% of my attention to him during every second of nursing. Besides, he's attached to me, or on me, or near me for 95% of his day. Nursing is not the only time he has me as a captive audience.

[jshannyn519]

I just used my Ameda pump for the first time and it works great! I was super engorged on my right side, which baby took care of with his nursing session. And then I pumped both sides because he was so full off the one side that the other side didn't get emptied and I could tell that it was on its way to being engorged as well. I got a whole 3 ounces! Half an ounce off the right side and 2 1/2 off the left. I think I'll keep pumping after I nurse him so I can start building up my frozen milk supply for when I go back to school in the fall. I'd like to have at least 60 ounces saved up.

[Smokering]

Eugh. Yesterday I cleaned out our wardrobe, and came across a cool asymmetrical skirt I bought from an op shop while heavily pregnant, hoping it'd fit after I had the baby. I tried it on a few weeks ago and it was way too small, but today it fit (well, more or less)... so I decided not to look like a slob, for once. So I dressed up in the skirt and tights and a nice cream blouse and did my hair all fancy-like... and felt positively glamorous, for about five minutes. Then my breasts abruptly let down for no good reason, soaking my blouse and dripping milk all over my skirt.

Miles was sleeping on DH's lap, but obligingly latched on for me... but it's too late to save my outfit. And I have to go to the supermarket shortly. Clearly I need to start actually wearing my breastpads...

Speaking of milk, Mum gave me her old manual breastpump and a few bottles the other day. I felt vaguely guilty taking them home - DD never had a bottle. I don't plan to use 'em very often, but I am very tempted to leave Miles with DH so I can go see the new Harry Potter film...I wouldn't even have considered it with DD, but Miles is so much more chilled out (and sleepyu!) that I think it might actually work. I'll have to try him out with the bottle to see if he'll take it, though...

Also, I just signed up to donate milk for a mother in NZ. She had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer, and has been going public to request donor milk for her baby - NZ has no milk banks, which is ridiculous for a country that's generally pretty progressive about birth and babies. Every midwife I've talked to about it has bemoaned the lack of milk banks, but it doesn't seem like the government is keen to get them going. But I've always vaguely wanted to donate, especially because I hate needles and don't give blood. So, we'll see if they get back to me! I seem to have a more ample supply this time than last.