Originally Posted by Smokering
Jenni: He sounds like a real charmer! There's no way you could get child support without allowing him to have a relationship with the baby (to avoid disappointment issues later on)? I don't really know how these things work... but I do firmly hold to the opinion that if you help create a baby, you darn well help pay for its upkeep. But I realise things aren't always that easy. :( I hope things start looking up soon!
Originally Posted by Snowflake777
Regarding the sperm donor (hope you don't mind me calling him that, "father" doesn't fit), it sounds like you'll all be better off with him out of your lives. I want to encourage you to go for child support, but I have no idea how it works so I'll just assume you've weighed your options and doing what you feel is best.
Originally Posted by CrunchyClark
Jenni, I'm sure you are aware, but child support and visitation are separate issues, but yes, sometimes pursuing child support can cause an uninvolved bio-dad to want visitation since he feels he's 'paying for it' anyway. Technically, you can get child support and then he would have to pursue visitation separately. But, without him on the birth certificate, he'd have to first pursue paternity THEN visitation and that can be a deterrent for an uninvolved dad. It's a tough choice I'm sure.
Snowflake, I don't mind you calling him the sperm donor. That's what I've started referring to him as in my head as well.
Right now he has no legal rights to Ezrah because he's not on the birth certificate. That means that he doesn't have to pay child support because the state doesn't recognize him as Ezrah's father. That also means that if he wants to see the baby or establish visitation/custody arrangements, he legally cannot because he has no legal rights to the baby. So I can establish paternity and get child support, but that means that as a result of the sperm donor being established as Ezrah's father, we have to figure out a custody agreement. And then once the custody agreement has been established, he'd probably never do anything about it, but since it would be on the books, so to speak, if he decided after 3 years of zero contact that he wanted to exercise his visitation or whatever, I would have to let him do it. Even if he'd never seen the baby at all and Ezrah had no idea who he even is. Since SD (sperm donor) has already shown that he can't be depended on to follow through or tell the truth, I can see him doing something like that. And it would have terrible consequences for Ezrah. Since there's no way to get child support without establishing paternity, and custody comes along with that package, I'm just going to forfeit the child support so that I can protect Ezrah from the heartbreak of a father who will disappear for months at a time and then pop back up acting like nothing ever happened and he wasn't just MIA for months.
Originally Posted by Smokering
Was intending to go to Bible study today, but just could not get out of bed by 9:15. I eventually got up at, um, 11. We really need to stop living with such a screwy timetable! We have breakfast at, like, 11:30, and then lunch at 3, and dinner at 8 or 9... and don't go to bed until eleven or twelve, and then get up really late. We've never been exactly early-to-bed-early-to-rise types, but it's gotten ridiculous recently. Probably isn't helping my mental health any.
My schedule has been like that too! I'm trying to get back to a somewhat normal schedule, but it's so hard to get up in the morning.
I did actually manage to haul myself out of bed before 10 am today. I've been wanting to wash and repaint our mailbox and I can't do it when it's hot outside. Spray paint just doesn't do well when it's 104F outside, you know? And the stupid birds in our tree out front, I swear, are using the mailbox as poop target practice. I hosed and scrubbed it off, dried it, sprayed it with the new paint (a darker version of the purple that was already on there) and even painted our house number on it as well. I even repainted the flag. Now I just need to find the spray clear coat so I can protect all my work!
Mom and I didn't end up talking last night. By the time that she got home from the chiropractor and Central Market after being at work all day the kids were chomping at the bit to do their fireworks. Since the big blow up was on the 4th, none of us felt like doing fireworks and celebrating anything. The kids lost their chance to do them on the 5th because they were throwing those little poppers at each other's feet. Dummies. So we finally did them last night and it was fun! I normally don't light fireworks, but I wasn't about to let the kids do it, so I was the designated lighter person. And the hose person. I didn't want to set our yard on fire so I was hosing the yard down so the sparks wouldn't light a fire. Ezrah slept through the whole thing in the Faurgo. Even through the killer bee one, which has that really high pitched and LOUD whistley sort of noise.
And the cleaners came yesterday as well! Our house was actually pretty clean already, because we spent a huge part of the day on Monday cleaning it, and having the kids redo their cleaning until it was actually clean... But that actually worked out well because the cleaners had time to do the stuff that we don't, like washing walls, cupboard doors, baseboards, and more. I walked the kids through the house and showed them everything and said, "THIS is what the house should look like after it's been cleaned. THIS is what Oma and I are talking about when we tell you that the sink needs to be cleaned." The kids were mostly impressed with the fact that their beds were made by the housecleaners. Weirdos.