Filed and waiting for papers. What if he won't leave???

[floss&ferd]

After a couple of rough years, I finally filed for divorce on Tuesday.  I'm trying to figure out how to tell DH.  Obviously, we have talked numerous times about it but he does not want the divorce.   I'm going to try and serve him the papers myself since we are still living in the same house.  

I'm afraid it's going to be UGLY.  

Just wondering if anyone else has been stuck living in the same house with someone while going through the divorce process?  He refuses to move out but has also repeatedly stated that he doesn't want the house if we split.  I can't afford to pay all the bills for the house and rent/bills at a second place.  I have family I could stay at for a few days, but with three kids and a dog it would be hard to do for any length of time.  

I'm starting to worry that he will not move out without a huge battle and worry about the negative effects that will have on the kids.

[philomom]

Who owns the house? One or both of you?

[JBaxter]

That can get sticky.   If he is on the lease / deed he really doesnt have to leave if there is not "reason".   He could say he is going to contest the divorce and stay the duration.

[chel]

I was able to put in the papers that he had to support the household until everything was finalized. The sale of the house was included in the papers.
In my state, leaving the household could have a negative outcome for custody, so I couldnt really leave. No clue about keeping him out. Mine had a girlfriend so he didn't want to live with me. He did want to move his gf and kids into the house with the assumption that I was going to my parents. But with the custody issue I wasnt going to try.

[NolaRiordan]

We ended up in the house for 9 months during the divorce process for similar reasons. It was a nightmare. Are you a SAHM? I believe you can file for sole use of the property to force him out but that may vary by state. Do you have a lawyer? If so I would ask him / her what your options are.

[floss&ferd]

We are both on the house.  In the past, he has always said he can't keep the house because he can't afford it on his income.  It's an older house and needs some expensive repairs, so not a lot of equity.  With the needed repairs and market, it's just easier if I keep the house and I think easier on the kids.  (As much as I hate getting stuck with his mess/half done home maintenance.)

I have an attorney and am asking for the house at the provisional hearing but that can take months and living here with him is getting increasingly miserable.  Can't eat, can't sleep etc.  I'm also worried about him using the kids against me.

I work Sat/Sun and then stay home with the kids all week.  I also make slightly more money than him.  

[Super~Single~Mama]

You likely cannot serve him the papers yourself, as someone not a party is required to do that in most jurisdictions.  Make sure to ask your lawyer about that - anyone else can do it, even your mother or a close friend of yours (or you can hire a process server).  If service of process is not done correctly it can cause the case to be dismissed, and you would have to re-file.  Not a mistake you want to make!

[MissLotus]

Yes, I was going to say the same thing as Super Single Mama - maybe in your state it's different, but in mine, serving papers yourself is a no-no and would be invalid. 

You might have to wait for a court date to get him to move out, but you can indeed get him to move out at some point.  Last year a friend of mine went through the same thing, and had to deal with her STBX for a few months; then they had a hearing, and the judge gave her STBX something like 30-45 days to move out.  She remained in the house with the kids until it was sold, and they split the proceeds. 

[floss&ferd]

I can serve him in my state--only if he signs and notarizes a form.  If he refuses, then the county sheriff has to serve.  He works in another county, so they would have to serve him in the evening in front of the kids and I would really like to avoid that if possible.

So once again, it comes down to if he can be a mature adult or not.  

[SierraBella]

You could file temporary orders that says he has to move out of the house while your divorce is being finalized. Or, if he is at all abusive, you can file a restraining order that he can't be on the property.

[floss&ferd]

I served him last night.  He handled it suprisingly well last night--but back to normal today.  So far, not making any plans to move out.  He sees his attorney on Wednesday and we have a preliminary hearing on June 23rd so I imagine we are all staying in the house until then.