Family planning advice apreciated

[sosurreal09]

DH and I want another baby. DD is 20 m/o now and we were going to wait until she was 2 to start TTC. DH is starting a better job soon and we will have more $$ which is a plus b/c we are low income, not that I think an infant will really cost money but I know more activities and things for DD would. Anyway here is the situation at hand:

DH works and I am a SAHM. He will be attending college p/t this year (starting in Sept) and full time next Sept. for either one or two years on top of working F/T. We have had lengthy discussions about me working and he decided it is not feasible considering it would have to be overnights due to his schedule and we don't have anyone to help with DD.

So we are considering the following options:

Option 1: TTC a few months earlier so we have the baby in Apr/may next year so the baby will be 4/5 m/o by the time DH is in school F/T.

Option 2: Wait until DH is done with school in 2-3 years which will leave a big space between kids...bigger than we think we may be comfortable with since we want a big family and siblings close in age.

So what do you think? which option would you choose?

NAK

[Bugglette]

Why is it that you don't want to have a baby >4-5mo with DH in school?  Just so you have more of his help when baby is tiny?

I, personally, would start TTC right away, but also continue even after DH starts school (if I weren't PG by that time)....but only lightly or in a way as not to stress out DH.  Only because I am at the point now where I wanted to TTC when DS was much younger, but we've only just recently started because DH wanted to wait....and it's hard knowing it might take a while to get PG again when, ideally, I would want to be working on TTC #3 right now.  You never know how long it will take to conceive again.  This, however, is yours and hubby's decision to make; trust your gut and do what is right for your family.

[Adaline'sMama]

Option 1.

Try to have an EDD next May so that DH has a few months when he's not in school to spend with new baby and help you take care of your other LO.

Thats just my vote

[sosurreal09]

Right the point in starting earlier would be so DH can spend more time with and help more with the baby and hopefully so I would be in a sort of routine by then so I won't be overwhelmed.

[FreeRangeMama]

Option #1!  We had all 4 of ours while dh was a student (usually full time) and working (often at 1 or 2 jobs).  It was crazy and busy, but they are all quite close in age and I love that.  He has been working full time since our last was a baby and it is nice that he is available now more than then.  I need him to be here more with older kids than with younger ones as they have activities (both in school and after school) and two available parents are a life-saver!  With babies and toddlers life is much easier in comparison.  Sure you are tired, but there aren't many places you HAVE to be every day.

I figure once you are in the middle of the chaotic baby/toddler/preschooler years you may as well just embrace it and stay there for a while.  Adding another one (two, three) kids is really just more of the same.  You are doing it all day, every day anyway.  What is one more diaper to change, bum to wipe, or night-time waking.  Older kids are a whole different kind of busy.  You have many different interests, schedules, and needs to juggle.  More places to be.  I think I would lose my mind if dh were a full-time student AND working full time with my 3-10 year olds.  I can't imagine adding a school and work schedule of his to our already hectic days!  I am glad we had the babies while he was in school and not now!

[monkeyscience]

As someone who is struggling with infertility, I would definitely say option 1. Unfortunately, getting pregnant easily the first time is not a guarantee for getting pregnant easily again. Plus, you probably still have some baby things from your DD you could reuse with a baby close to her age, but it would be a pain to hang on to them for 5 years.

[gozal]

Personally, I believe that when you want a child, it is virtually always right to try to have one right then. I believe this is true except for extenuating circumstances (like, extreme political instability where you live, no access at all to prenatal care, things like that). As monkeyscience said, you never know what will happen. I don't mean to scare you, but after getting pregnant very easily the first time and having no reason to think that it would be otherwise with #2, I've had two statistically improbable instances of random bad luck and it's taking a long time. If you're not ready, you're not ready, of course. But if you are...why wait for one of the most important events of your life?

[MountainMamaGC]

Yeah you never know what will happen the second time. I got pregnant really easily with my DD, and we have been trying since October 2009 for baby #2.

[Sol HEAth 1]

Thank you very much for your helpful story. Believe this is true except for extenuating circumstances as monkey science said, you never know what will happen. I need him to be here more with older kids than with younger ones as they have activities  and two available parents are a life-saver!  It's a relief to be finally moving forward but we also want to have as much information at each step of the way as possible

[LadyCatherine185]

I say go with option 1. My two DS's are about 27 months apart, and I am loving that they are close in age. It was REALLY hard the first 5 months, but since then it has been a lot of fun. and they are more and more "friends" everyday. I think that if they were 4-5+ years apart, it wouldn't be the same.