There are three parts of this so bear with me. I'm a long time member, but needed some anonymity here. Please be gentle.
I have a great family. I am happy where I am in my life and finally feeling like I can breathe. This is a good feeling. I have children and we are 100% out of babydom. I'm going back to work in the fall and our lives will be comfortable for the first time in ten years. I have a special needs child and another who receives services. But things are finally under control.
I'm currently undergoing treatment for a health issue using a protocol that is dangerous to a fetus. Because we have no intention of having more children this was not an issue and we used protection anyway. No exceptions. Another baby would crush me. I've been through a LOT and just couldn't even consider doing it again. So, yes...protection always.
A few weeks ago we had a condom break. It wasn't super clear, but something we pieced together in retrospect. I had what I *thought* was excess cervical fluid the next morning which I shrugged off. Dh says there was a time when the condom seemed fairly light, but it was late and not concerning enough to think too much about. It was only yesterday that we put that together. Yesterday after a positive pregnancy test.
I'm beside myself. I'm pro-choice, but could never (myself) terminate. At least I didn't think I could. Dh is the same. But the fact is that aside from the massive depression that I will be in which will border on dangerous because I CAN'T have more kids (we are very low income and the kids are already on state insurance and we struggle to meet our basic needs) I have more than likely caused damage to the baby already. I'm only about 5 days late for my period, so this is new and I'm absolutely reeling.
I have talked to two doctors and no one can give me a definitive answer on the likelihood that this baby is already harmed. I do know a bit about gestation and know what could be affected at this point. The medication is not necessary for my survival and I can go off of it, but can't erase the damage that's been done.
One doctor talked to me about a chemical abortion. This is just so far from what I thought I'd have to be thinking about now that I just don't even know what to do. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I need some support please. I need someone not in my situation to talk to me because though my gut is saying the best thing to do is end this pregnancy I am having a really, really hard time.