How should I have handled this?

[leighi123]

Ds (almost 4) has to come to work with me once in a while (teaching kids classes), and usually he is totally fine, I bring lots for him to do, I can give him attention in between my instruction of my students, and he generally has a good time.  Each class is only 2 hours and we have time to get lunch or walk around in between classes (most of the time its just 2 I have to teach, so we are there no more than 4.5 hours)

After both asking ds not to eat some playdoh, and warning him that I'd put it away, he continued to put it in his mouth.  So I took it away.  There is only 10min or so left of my class and my student needs my attention.  

He started SCREAMING and trying to grab it from me.  And he would. not. stop.  The WHOLE STORE can hear him.   And he would not listen to me.  

So I put him off to the side of the room to calm down while I helped my student finish up her project, clean up, and talk to her parent.  Meanwhile ds is intermittently screaming, crying, or begging for the dough back.   When I try to talk to him to calm him down and re-explain why it was taken, he screams more, so I thought it best to just leave him alone for a bit and finish what I needed to do.  

How the heck was I supposed to handle that?   He very very very rarely freaks out like that, especially over something silly like dough.  When he does it at home, he seems to just need a "cool down" so I put him in his room, or I leave the room, and 2min later or less, he has calmed down, we can discuss/resolve, and move on.   

In this situation there was no where to 'put' him other than the side of the room.   I can't leave the room, I can't put him somewhere else.   I didn't want to just give up the dough (he had been warned!  And he is allergic to everything so would get sick if he kept eating it).  

It was SO frustrating that he was upset to the point of being hysterical over something so dumb and there was nothing I could do about it in front of my student, her mom, everyone in the store (people I work with and customers).   It made me look like an idiot.  And its anoying because I know ds doesn't really understand how embarasing that is, or that its my JOB that he is affecting.  

What do I do next time to A. prevent that whole thing in the first place, and B. calm him down (at least to the point where he isn't so loud), quickly and in front of everyone?  

The dough - usually I make him one he isn't allergic to that he can eat if he wants to, this was a special kind that there was leftovers of in the classroom and I gave him some because it was his favorite color, and didn't think it would be an issue.  He played with it for at least half an hour before he started eating it (while playing with it).  He does know he isnt supposed to put stuff in his mouth, its an ongoing thing, he is constantly eating/chewing on/licking non-food stuff.

[Boot]

I think you handled it fine but my son is just 4 and there is NO WAY he would cope with being in that situation. I think you're lucky that you have been able to bring him successfully before but you might need to find a different arrangement. It just sounds like too much to expect from him. He was probably bored and tired since you say it was the end of the class. My kid can't even wait in line for groceries without getting bored!

[leighi123]

Originally Posted by Boot 

I think you handled it fine but my son is just 4 and there is NO WAY he would cope with being in that situation. I think you're lucky that you have been able to bring him successfully before but you might need to find a different arrangement. It just sounds like too much to expect from him. He was probably bored and tired since you say it was the end of the class. My kid can't even wait in line for groceries without getting bored!

It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to not bring him.  I'm a single parent, and if I only have 1-2 students I only make $7-8/hour when the kids are actually in class, childcare here is at least $6-7/hour, and it takes me 15min from my house to get to work, so I'd end up paying the same for childcare that I would make.  I've tried working out a childcare 'exchange' but haven't been able to find anyone interested esp. with my very random schedual.     I have to work to make $, and I can't find another job (I LOVE my job), that will also work with my college stuff, and things like that.   

So far, he is fine in class!  He has lots of stuff to do - toys, books, craft projects, his homeschool work, snacks to eat - he can walk around, talk to my students/watch them, talk to me (other than the brief periods where I am giving instruction to the students).   Its 2 hours at a time.  At home he will entertain himself for that long when I have to do school work, and thats without me playing with him like I can during my class.   

Also, I don't think "being tired" is an issue.   He quit napping at 13months, never even falling asleep in the car after that point.   He has always needed minimal sleep.  

After my classes today, he went gardening (we have a huge co-op garden) for 3 hours and then went swimming, and is now riding his scooter around in the driveway.  He will be going going going until bedtime routine, at 8:30, but he won't actually sleep until 9:30-10, and he is up at 8am.     I've tried to get him to sleep more, he just doesn't seem to need it and is happier when I don't push it (you cant force sleep!)

[sunshinemoma]

Originally Posted by leighi123 

Ds (almost 4) has to come to work with me once in a while (teaching kids classes), and usually he is totally fine, I bring lots for him to do, I can give him attention in between my instruction of my students, and he generally has a good time.  Each class is only 2 hours and we have time to get lunch or walk around in between classes (most of the time its just 2 I have to teach, so we are there no more than 4.5 hours)

After both asking ds not to eat some playdoh, and warning him that I'd put it away, he continued to put it in his mouth.  So I took it away.  There is only 10min or so left of my class and my student needs my attention.  

He started SCREAMING and trying to grab it from me.  And he would. not. stop.  The WHOLE STORE can hear him.   And he would not listen to me.  

So I put him off to the side of the room to calm down while I helped my student finish up her project, clean up, and talk to her parent.  Meanwhile ds is intermittently screaming, crying, or begging for the dough back.   When I try to talk to him to calm him down and re-explain why it was taken, he screams more, so I thought it best to just leave him alone for a bit and finish what I needed to do.  

How the heck was I supposed to handle that?   He very very very rarely freaks out like that, especially over something silly like dough.  When he does it at home, he seems to just need a "cool down" so I put him in his room, or I leave the room, and 2min later or less, he has calmed down, we can discuss/resolve, and move on.   

In this situation there was no where to 'put' him other than the side of the room.   I can't leave the room, I can't put him somewhere else.   I didn't want to just give up the dough (he had been warned!  And he is allergic to everything so would get sick if he kept eating it).  

It was SO frustrating that he was upset to the point of being hysterical over something so dumb and there was nothing I could do about it in front of my student, her mom, everyone in the store (people I work with and customers).   It made me look like an idiot.  And its anoying because I know ds doesn't really understand how embarasing that is, or that its my JOB that he is affecting.  

What do I do next time to A. prevent that whole thing in the first place, and B. calm him down (at least to the point where he isn't so loud), quickly and in front of everyone?

The dough - usually I make him one he isn't allergic to that he can eat if he wants to, this was a special kind that there was leftovers of in the classroom and I gave him some because it was his favorite color, and didn't think it would be an issue.  He played with it for at least half an hour before he started eating it (while playing with it).  He does know he isnt supposed to put stuff in his mouth, its an ongoing thing, he is constantly eating/chewing on/licking non-food stuff.

What a stressful situation!  For both of you    I'm willing to bet it wasn't as stressful for everyone looking in tho 

As for A)

I would definitely have toys/play-dough available that he wont be allergic/get sick from (but even then, it's probably still a lucky situation if he gets through the entire class or two without acting out for extra attention) 

and B) first of all it's great that you didn't back up and give the unsafe play do back.. I haven't been in the exact same situation but when ds and I are in public and for any reason he starts to to have a melt down the only chance i have at getting him quiet/calm enough to reason with, is if i FIRST empathetically say something like "man! you REALLY wanted to play with thatglass vase[or whatever I restricted him from], didn't you?"  he'll say 'yes', and then is my chance to quickly say "ya, that would be fun for you, but it could break and HURT you" (with LOTS of concern in my tone and expression).  He may or may not still be upset but at least he's calm enough for me to possibly give him an alternative or a fun distraction.  A similar approach might help your son..?  It might seem too time consuming, but then again, it might just end up being super fast!

I've found it works for my son.  If nothing else, I know:

• I protected him,
• I let him know I understand how disappointing it must be for him even tho I simply cannot allow him to [fill in the blank]  

Basically if I'm collected (and appear to understand his pov) there's more chance he might follow that lead.  If he's not able to it might be hunger, boredom, fatigue...or just being the small child he is :)  Which in that case I just point out the obvious to him "I bet you are soo tired of this" or "I know this is boring, I'm sorry! It wont be much longer.  You have been such a good sport to last this long, thank you!"  Usually this enables to calm down a bit more and if nothing else it enlightens everyone who's gawking is and they continue on or smile encouragingly to me, etc.  It definitely relieves my own sense of stress. 

Anyways, good luck!

[Just1More]

I think most people are used to a wailing kid.  Kids wail for one reason or another, and often during the worst times, lol.  I almost never think bad thoughts of a mama with a wailing kid.

Now, when the mama starts yelling, or threatening, or bribing, or anything else disgraceful, I start to think bad things of the mama.

So, it sounds like, to me, you kept your cool, you meant what you said, and you got through it.  Good job! 

(For the prevention...maybe have a talk with him about what you need from him at your job?  And, also, I've noticed my kids flip out unexpectedly when they think I have been unfair or unreasonable...when they truly don't understand what's going on.  You said that he can eat the other dough you made, so he probably felt like you not letting him was over the top.  And then you TOOK it.  I mean, I'm with you.  You warned him and that's what needed done, but, from his perspective...  So, maybe that's why he came unglued when he usually doesn't)

[One_Girl]

I think you did a good job salvaging the situation.  I bring a portable dvd player, a headset, and movies from the library with me to things that my dd absolutely has to come to and be distracted for.  I also bring a variety of things that she can do while she watches also.  I think you should talk to him about how important the job is and about the behavior expectation now and immediately before the next class and make sure to bring stuff he can snack on and drink so he doesn't feel that he has to eat the playdough.  Bribes aren't usually my thing, but for really important things I do bribe my dd before hand and I am willing to take the bribe away if she doesn't follow through.  Even if you are a screen/bribe free family I still think you need to consider making exceptions If your job is truly going to be on the line if he has very many fits while you are at work.  I think many people understand an off day, but when an off day happens more than a couple times it becomes less understandable.  Being inside with a screaming older child, or even a younger one, isn't a pleasant experience for adults and it is especially unpleasant for many kids so it probably isn't something your employer is going to want to support you through if it is happening during classes that are supposed to be fun for the kids who are paying to attend the class.