Dilemma... SO recieving SSI, while I work full time? - Page 2

[kristandthekids]

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Edited by kristandthekids - 1/16/13 at 6:18pm

[Jane93]

One of the other posters brings up an additional good point (beyond the financial) -- does your SO's condition have a strong genetic link?  If so, is that something you are comfortable potentially passing on to your children?

My DH and I discussed our finances in detail before marriage, but also discussed family health histories too (he has close family members with Crohn's and certain related illness, my family has scoliosis and high blood pressure), we both really wanted kids but wanted to have some thoughts around what would be genetically passed on.

[newbymom05]

I"m sorry, but I"m another person who says walk away. I was engaged to someone w/ BP, and the dating was great, the living-with was awful. If you really think love can carry the day, move in with him and see how it goes. My ex's disorder was "controlled" and he was able to work and made a good living so there was no money stresses, and it was still a hellish period I wish I'd never experienced. I would definitely not even consider kids until you spent a couple of years together 24/7, and even then I would really think about the ramifications of potentially passing BP to your children.

[ArtsyMomma]

Originally Posted by kristandthekids 

Originally Posted by ArtsyMomma 

I agree with the above posters....the person you choose to marry will have a huge impact on your financial life, and your personal life.

After we split, I got to be very good with my money. I had to be, I was supporting the same household, on half the income. Surprisingly, it was easier and I was able to pay off about $14K of it in 3 years (I have less than 10K to go).

Isn't that the truth.

I immediately started doing better financially after leaving my ex. We went from dual income and never having enough to my single income but being able to put $1,000 in savings every month. Suddenly money wasn't going to cable and video games and Hot Pockets and there was way more than enough. He was blowing through at least $2200 a month because of his poor impulse control due to his mental illness.

I loved that man with all my heart, I still love him, but I would never go back.

Same thing here: the cable bill dropped by $200, no new dvds or video games, grocery bill went down (I rarely eat meat, he was a meat and potatoes guy), no more expensive day trips, car insurance went down quite a bit. We never felt like we were lacking when we cut those things out of the budget - he certainly would though and still spends money the same way.

[GoBecGo]

I once lived with someone with BP and 3 kids (split from his wife, we were roommates, not in a relationship).  He was well-controlled when we met, and a good father.  He ceased to be well controlled after a few months, and honestly i would not have a kid with someone with this illness, as harsh as that sounds.  I listened to him tell his 4.5yo, who was crying because he was finding his first ever week at school hard "When you cry like a baby, well, you're going home now anyway, and i guess i should say i love you, but i can't honestly say that to you when you're crying like this" it was DEVASTATING, both for the child and, when he was back to his well-medicated self (after 3 months in hospital) the father.  And it was constant, he was wonderful one minute and just devastatingly awful the next and he couldn't help it, he was ill.

In addition i have had a child with someone with different metal health issues (anhedonia) which interfere with his ability to work and support us.  We split up.  It's a harsh reality but it's reality nonetheless that someone who isn't well enough to commit to paid work is usually nowhere near well enough to commit to being the SAHP.  

BP CAN be stable for many years, it can also be very unstable.  He might be fine for the rest of his days, or he might be incredibly unstable for the rest of his days.  Look up the suicide stats on BP.  For the rest of your life with this man you will be partner/carer.  Your kids will be kids/carers.  i know you love him, i am sure he is loveable.  But is this what you want?

[insidevoice]

I think it is important to note that BPD can be controlled- particularly when it is identified early and treated early, before those patterns are burned into the pathways in the brain.  However, if this guy is 26 and not working, he's either not well controlled, or a lazy sloth.  Your pick. 

The commitment to live a functional life with BP is a huge one, and you have to make it each and every day.  I am the SAHP and I work PT from home as well.  I have to be very aware that I need to remain in control of my moods, and that I will tend to overreact.  To do differently is a constant effort. 

I do believe that people who are bipolar can be wonderful partners, caring parents, and great employees, but you'd better be aware that that's a small percentage of the people who live with this problem, and they have to have gotten very lucky along the way and chosen really positive life choices to pull it off.  I was lucky in that my crash and burn period was when I was an older teenager, and I had great support to get myself back on track.  Well over a decade and a half later, I have not allowed myself to slip- ever.  I have a standing discussion with a couple people in my life that if they see that I am slipping, they are to force me to get help immediately.  

If you do want to have a long term relationship with this man, first encourage him to live independently for at least a couple years.  He needs to be responsible for making his life hat he wants it to be.  If he can't do it for himself, he sure as heck won't do it with the added stresses of a partner or family. 

[SleeplessMommy]

Lots of good points have been made. I would be especially concerned about the unstable "secret" spending others have mentioned.  I have one more area of financial risk for you to consider:

Say you marry or partner with this guy and have a child together, and he stays home to take care of the child, while you work full time to support the family. Maybe the relationship fails at some point down the road, and you don't think he is a safe/stable stay at home parent. You could very easily end up in a nasty custody dispute where your partner expects spousal support and is awarded primary custody PLUS child support... even though you don't feel he is a safe parent. It can be very hard for one parent to prove to the court that the other is unstable.

If you are going to stay in the relationship for now, use good birth control.

[HeatherAtHome]

I would want to look at his history. He's 26. Has he ever lived on his own? Has he worked before? How much schooling/training does he have? Has he always been stable or were there any dark periods in his life? When was he diagnosed, how "bad" was he leading up to it etc. What are his parents like? (enablers? or genuinely helpful/hoping he'll spread his wings? Will they be there as a "united force"/someone to lean on if things start to turn bad? 

Just because he's on SSI now, doesn't mean he has to STAY on it. $600 whatever isn't really a lot of money. It helps, but I wouldn't NOT do anything else just to make sure you keep it, you know? Does he have any interests, something he can do at home to make money? Either a home business or working from home? He could also look into seasonal/contract work if he wants to do something but finds the 9-5/Mon-Fri grind a bit unbearable. 

[weasleyx]

Hello, OP here. Thank you all very much for your thoughtful responses, I appreciate them so, so much. I'm going to respond to your questions and then follow up a little bit at the end.
 

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Sounds like a tough situation! I just have one thought for you -- have you thought about skipping the medical coding training and seeing if there's a field you could get into that would allow you lots of time with your children? I'm thinking of things like starting an in-home daycare, since you love kids, or some other kind of small business... There are options that would allow you to be home and be the breadwinner at the same time, and you might be able to work this out even better than I did since you have so much time to plan accordingly.

I have thought of that. I actually have thought that if say, I took in 4 kids for $125/week, each, that would be $2000 a month. And maybe I could even do a little work on the weekends or in the evenings for some extra money, combined with his SSI, could be close to say 3k a month which I think would be reasonable to live on although that would be tight.

Originally Posted by Vaske 

Does your SO even want to have a family and have a home-as-much-as-possible wife??--not clear from your post, but it's definitely something you should be talking about with him.  You want someone who shares your values and goals, and you're young enough to have plenty of time left on the biological clock, if things don't work out with this guy.

He has said that he would like to have kids someday, but I think he thinks more that they would somehow be in daycare or something, not that he would be the SAHD taking them on playdates and such. I would trust him with kids like, say I was going out with friends for a few hours, but I don't think day-to-day childcare is really a strength or passion of his, like I would say it is with me.

Originally Posted by kristandthekids 

Originally Posted by weasleyx 

I am currently dating a guy who doesn't work, but receives SSI benefits due to a mental disability (he is bipolar and clinically depressed, although this is currently well controlled by his medication.)

Well controlled by his medication, but not controlled well enough that he can work?

I can't give you any advice on how to handle the people like me who would tell you to dump him.
Seriously, there's 7 billion people on the planet. You can find someone else. zebra15 is right. Controlled now does not mean controlled later. My ex is Bipolar and I thought everything was fine. I had no idea the financial problems he was hiding from me until my phone got cut off mid-conversation with my boss. That was no fun to clean up.

I think it's currently fairly controlled by his medication, but he thinks it's easier to just receive the benefits and not have to work. His mother tells him all the time that between the cash he gets and the medical care he receives from SSI, it wouldn't be worth it finding a "Walmart job" so he shouldn't bother working.

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

If your boyfriend wants to, he can get off SSI and contribute to society.  At this point that isn't the choice he is making. Do you want to be with him even if he decides never to be that kind of person?  Can you envision your life with someone who says his illness is well controlled, but still won't DO anything to effect positive change within his life for the long run?  

Yes, if you stay in this relationship and this man chooses to remain dysfunctional, you are setting yourself up for a very challenging life journey. 

Yes, I guess what I am starting to realize is that even though he loves me, it's not enough for him to want to become a... functional person. I guess I was hoping that that would change. He says that I shouldn't try to change him, I say it's not that I want to change HIM as a person, not his personality, but I think he could perhaps make better choices that would improve his life. Yet, he does not currently want to do this. Sigh...

Originally Posted by HeatherAtHome 

I would want to look at his history. He's 26. Has he ever lived on his own? Has he worked before? How much schooling/training does he have? Has he always been stable or were there any dark periods in his life? When was he diagnosed, how "bad" was he leading up to it etc. What are his parents like? (enablers? or genuinely helpful/hoping he'll spread his wings? Will they be there as a "united force"/someone to lean on if things start to turn bad? 

Just because he's on SSI now, doesn't mean he has to STAY on it. $600 whatever isn't really a lot of money. It helps, but I wouldn't NOT do anything else just to make sure you keep it, you know? Does he have any interests, something he can do at home to make money? Either a home business or working from home? He could also look into seasonal/contract work if he wants to do something but finds the 9-5/Mon-Fri grind a bit unbearable. 

To answer your questions, no he has never lived on his own. He has had one job, at Walmart, a few years ago. He worked there for about 3 weeks. He has a high school diploma. He went to college for about 6 weeks and quit. He has had dark periods in his life; he was hospitalized twice for attempting suicide at the ages of 18 and 21. I know as a child, he was diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, and I think he may have... not exactly sure what, but he stims (hand flapping/arm waving) when he is particularly excited or anxious, and I don't know what that could be a sign of except Autism or Aspergers, which he doesn't really have a ton of other symptoms for but... I digress. His parents love him but they enable him, coddle him, and think that he should basically do whatever is easiest for him (and them.) He has the attitude that everything is either too hard or too scary to attempt, so he's not even going to try, because it's likely he'll just mess it up. His mother once told him to "let mommy help you" while we were playing Scrabble, so they clearly don't trust him to do anything even semi-productive... Not sure what you mean per se as a unified force, I think they support him emotionally, but will want to just dig him out of things get too hard. If you mean financially, then they don't have a ton of money and I wouldn't count on them to financially help in any way. He does have interests; he is great with computers, very skilled and knowledgible, and he could do a ton of different work from home if he wanted to, but I don't think he wants to right now. He always talks about how his Dad works so hard at his job, and he doesn't want to have to do that.

Anyways. Not long after I posted here, I talked to him about about a little bit how I was feeling... I told him that if he wanted to be with me, he would have to learn how to drive. I now realize I didn't even mention this part about him, but yes he doesn't drive at all, due to A) money B) his being anxious/scared about it and now I realize, C) he doesn't want to do it because he feels I am forcing him to change. But, at first he agreed because he said he loved me, he didn't want to lose me, I was too good of a girlfriend to lose, so even though he was scared, he would try to learn how to drive. Now, tonight, he told me that he actually doesn't want to learn how to drive, maybe in a few years, but not now. And that if I would break up with him over that, I was crazy, because he loves me how I am and I should love him how he is. And I do love him, so, so very much but... I just don't think I can be with a person who refuses to learn how to drive. (not even talking about the job yet, one step at a time, was what I was thinking) ...  I guess I thought I would be worth it to him but apparently not. So, that's where we left our conversation. I am not very happy about this at all, I am in fact very upset and have been in tears over this tonight, and he's not very happy either but... that's where it is right now. Thank you all for your responses, I've been reading them over the past couple weeks and I appreciate them all very much. You all brought up so many good points and even though I love him so much... I don't think that unless he makes changes, it's going to work out, and he doesn't want to do that so... yeah... :(

[insidevoice]

I know it's hard when you hit the point you've hit, but ultimately you have to choose what is best for you in the long run, and from the additional information you've posted, this guy isn't THE guy for you. 

Oh gosh- the driving thing!!!!  My ex was the same way- and in the military!  I had to drive him to work (at like 4 am with our daughter!!) and pick him up- again often after 10 pm- and often, I would sit waiting for him in the parking lot singing any song I could think of to keep my daughter from crying as we waited.  It was awful.  After I finally got smart and left, he did get around to getting his license- but only because he was ordered to. 

Don't tie your life to a man who's main goal in life is to bring everyone else down to his level of function.  It's so much easier to leave before your lives are entangled, and better for you both.

I know it hurts, and you feel like you are being the bad guy, and I know he's GOING to play on that and try to make you feel like crap for it (just look at the manipulative behavior you cited above!) but please do what is best for you. 

[HeatherAtHome]

 I'm so sorry. By unified force, I meant, are his parents going to stand with you and encourage him to grow or are they going to hold him back, keep him down because "life's too hard'. Looks like it's the latter. If he was at a place where he was tired of their overbearing ways you could help him break out on his own... but it looks like he is defeated. 

I would say at this point you could have a heart to heart talk ending with an ultimatum.... but I'm not so sure that would work. He may promise to change but then just string you along. 

[crunchy_mommy]

It sounds like he wouldn't even be ready to get married (including other things that might entail such as driving, supporting a joint household, etc.) so if you were to stay with him, you'd need to plan on waiting YEARS before settling down with him -- and he might never be ready.

When I first read the responses to your post, I was kind of mad. It sounded like everyone was saying you can't have a happy life with someone who's mentally ill. Being a 'mentally ill' person myself, with lots of other issues including a chronic illness, it really hurt to read some of what was written here. But, especially now that you've elaborated more on your BF, I realize he's chosen a completely different path than me. As hard as it is for me, I push myself EVERY SINGLE DAY to do more for my family, to financially support them, to emotionally be present even when I'm falling apart inside, etc. So I guess this really has nothing to do with your BF being mentally ill, but more that he just isn't ready to be an adult yet. Maybe that's largely due to BPD, maybe it's his upbringing, maybe it's a combination of those things or simply a personality trait... I get it, I was there at one point, but I decided I wanted more out of life... your BF sounds pretty content with his life right now, so I guess you either have to accept that or just move on.

Big hugs to you, this must be such a tough decision for you. Whenever your heart conflicts with logic, it's just a hard time for everyone.

[insidevoice]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

It sounds like he wouldn't even be ready to get married (including other things that might entail such as driving, supporting a joint household, etc.) so if you were to stay with him, you'd need to plan on waiting YEARS before settling down with him -- and he might never be ready.

When I first read the responses to your post, I was kind of mad. It sounded like everyone was saying you can't have a happy life with someone who's mentally ill. Being a 'mentally ill' person myself, with lots of other issues including a chronic illness, it really hurt to read some of what was written here. But, especially now that you've elaborated more on your BF, I realize he's chosen a completely different path than me. As hard as it is for me, I push myself EVERY SINGLE DAY to do more for my family, to financially support them, to emotionally be present even when I'm falling apart inside, etc. So I guess this really has nothing to do with your BF being mentally ill, but more that he just isn't ready to be an adult yet. Maybe that's largely due to BPD, maybe it's his upbringing, maybe it's a combination of those things or simply a personality trait... I get it, I was there at one point, but I decided I wanted more out of life... your BF sounds pretty content with his life right now, so I guess you either have to accept that or just move on.

Big hugs to you, this must be such a tough decision for you. Whenever your heart conflicts with logic, it's just a hard time for everyone.

I had some of the same thoughts, but I reached the same conclusion, it's not so much about his mental illness as his choices.  I know a lot of people who are mentally ill who push themselves to have a really productive life. 

[SleeplessMommy]

"Now, tonight, he told me that he actually doesn't want to learn how to drive, maybe in a few years, but not now. And that if I would break up with him over that, I was crazy, because he loves me how I am and I should love him how he is. And I do love him, so, so very much but... I just don't think I can be with a person who refuses to learn how to drive. (not even talking about the job yet, one step at a time, was what I was thinking) ...  I guess I thought I would be worth it to him but apparently not."

There is a huge difference between loving someone and choosing to be with them long term. You may love him, and care about him very deeply, but that does not mean it is your job to take care of him forever, or that you need to lower your standards to be with him. If you want a boyfriend who drives a car, that is your right. If you want a boyfriend who acts like an adult and lives independently, that is your right. if you want a boyfriend who will make a good husband and father, that is also your right.

You need to look at who he is NOW and how your life will be with him assuming he does not change or mature. He is 26 years old, if he was strongly motivated to work or drive a car he would be doing it already. How does he spend his days right now? Will it annoy you if you are taking care of a baby and he was in the home, doing that same thing and not helping you?

I know it hurts, but you need to decide what is best for you.

[sparklefairy]

It's great that you are putting this thought into things. I hear a bit of "I love this person, how can I make my life so that he fits," which is scary. But I also hear that as you do that, you see limitations that you don't want to have.

At 22, I think that the best thing to do, given the culture that we have in the US, is to figure out what you want your life to be and to accept into it the people who fit, if that makes sense. This from elderly woman in her late 30s who has done the other route more than once and lived to regret it.

I also have a thought to share -- I wondered this toward the end of my last relationship. Is it really love if I want him to change?

[APToddlerMama]

I'm sorry but I just can't stop myself from giving out relationship advice in this scenario.  I think you should take things reallllllllllllly slowly.  If what you want is to be the primary caregiver of your children, then I wouldn't plan on co-parenting with someone making $670/month on SSI.  That isn't close to enough to live on.  You need to decide if being with him long term is more or less important than your goal/dream of being the stay at home parent. 

Also, I consider myself an advocate for those with mental health issues.  However, either his issues are controlled well enough by meds that he should be off working and not mooching, or, they are not controlled well enough and you should not start a family in which he is the primary caretaker.  From my experience, day in day out parenting has been way harder than any job I've ever had, including working in child welfare.  If he is not well enough to pick up a job somewhere, anywhere...then he is not well enough to care for your precious children.  Don't rush anything.  Sort out your priorities first. 

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by weasleyx 

I have thought of that. I actually have thought that if say, I took in 4 kids for $125/week, each, that would be $2000 a month. And maybe I could even do a little work on the weekends or in the evenings for some extra money, combined with his SSI, could be close to say 3k a month which I think would be reasonable to live on although that would be tight.

Keep in mind though, you will have a mentally ill man hanging around your house.  This could prevent people from wanting to leave your kids with them. Also daycare with your own kids hanging around is really really hard.  And it is not always very steady income.  I had a week where every single on of my families went on vacation. We got our groceries from the food pantry that week.  Also $500 a week is not $500 a week.  You will have expenses.  And taxes.  My taxes ran about 25% on my profit (but I made very little profit after expenses).  I would not recommend a small scale in home daycare as a valid primary source of income.

He has said that he would like to have kids someday, but I think he thinks more that they would somehow be in daycare or something, not that he would be the SAHD taking them on playdates and such. I would trust him with kids like, say I was going out with friends for a few hours, but I don't think day-to-day childcare is really a strength or passion of his, like I would say it is with me.

This was my first thought.  If he can't hold a job and does not want to work he does not qualify as a stay at home parent.  SAHP is WORK and RESPONSIBILITY.  So you will not only be supporting his basic needs, but you will be paying childcare as well.  and paying for his hobbies (what exactly is it that he does all day?)  Since he doesn't drive you will be doing all the errands, running of the children, etc.  You will essentially have another child.  Its one thingis things go wonky after you are already married but if you see it coming like a train wreck....

I think it's currently fairly controlled by his medication, but he thinks it's easier to just receive the benefits and not have to work. His mother tells him all the time that between the cash he gets and the medical care he receives from SSI, it wouldn't be worth it finding a "Walmart job" so he shouldn't bother working.

I work full time at a grocery store (that pays on average less than walmart but has the benefit of not carrying the stigma of walmart)  and I can tell you:  It is about twice what he is making on SSI.  Sounds worth it to me. Of course it is extremely depressing because I used to have a good life and be a stay at home mom until my XH admitted to having a long term mistress.  So every day at work I watch stay at home moms live my dream while I put price tags on meat.   Because I married someone who was not committed to raising a family with me.  (make a note) He sounds lazy.  Not because he has mental health issues and went through a phase of being unable to work.  Honestly I think even if he was perfectly healthy he would still be lazy and unemployed.  There is no reason for him not to be working while he is well enough to do so.  

Yes, I guess what I am starting to realize is that even though he loves me, it's not enough for him to want to become a... functional person. I guess I was hoping that that would change. He says that I shouldn't try to change him, I say it's not that I want to change HIM as a person, not his personality, but I think he could perhaps make better choices that would improve his life. Yet, he does not currently want to do this. Sigh...

Red flag.  RED FLAG. RRRREEEEEDDDD FFFLLLAAAGGGGG!  You are asking him to get off his butt and be responsibe like all grown ups and his response is you shouldn't try to change him.  Fine but if he doesn't want to be a grown up, control his illness and contribute in a real way then screw it.  And you cannot change him.  This, like he is right now, is who is and likely ll he will ever be.  

And I do love him, so, so very much but... I just don't think I can be with a person who refuses to learn how to drive. (not even talking about the job yet, one step at a time, was what I was thinking) .

You can still love him, and be a really great friend.  Loving someone, committing to someone, being there for someone, does not mean it has to be sexual and it doesn't mean you have to marry him. I think sometimes we get sucked onto romantic relationships with men when really we just want to love them as friends. I think you should back off and just be his friend.  He doesn't sound ike husband or dad material but I think his affection and yours is genuine.  Look for a husband elsewhere.

You will never be a stay at home mom with this guy (how wise of you to think of this at this point in the relationship.  Bravo!!  Too bad more women do not do this).  It does not make you a bad guy if you make this a line in the sand for a potential marriage relationship.  It makes you smart.

[bobcat]

It sounds to me that you care a lot about this person, but you are very wise in realizing that it might not be the right relationship for you. The questions you are asking are the kinds of questions I can see someone asking, at the age of 22, as they are slowly realizing that the person they are with may end up NOT being their future spouse (though they love the person dearly). I know that these decisions are hard to come to, but you are asking yourself the right questions. I think you will end up making the right decision. Sometimes the person you love when you are 22 just trains you for the person you will eventually meet, who will be your soulmate. I personally believe that God puts people in our lives to teach us things, like what we want in a partner. Then, God finds a way of guiding you in the right direction.

I can remember being madly in love with a guy, and wanting to marry him, then one day I hit a breaking point with our "problems" where I realized "I can't do this forever." Just things that I knew deep down were never going to change. So after much ado, I called the relationship off temporarily. A "break." And during that time, I started having new experiences. A new world was opened up to me. I realized I didn't need the ex. And then I met my husband, and he was the opposite of the ex in all the things that were wrong before. And it hit me, what I had been missing out on, and I never looked back.

I honestly think that you will move on from this relationship, meet a man who is hardworking and self-motivated, and you'll fall in love. It is obvious that that is a quality you need in a partner, or else this thing with your boyfriend wouldn't be bothering you, you would just accept it, and not be here posting about it. You'd just accept the fact that he's on disability, and be okay being the breadwinner. I have a dear friend who is in that situation, and while she acknowledges it isn't the best situation, she was okay with him being disabled (though like your situation, it's questionable) and her being the breadwinner. But you obviously are bothered by something here, and I think you should trust your instincts that this is not the right relationship for YOU. If you were like my friend, and okay with this, you wouldn't be here posting about this. So let that tell you something! (though I think it already has)

Also, about transcription. I haven't started this yet, but I am seriously considering it. You can actually be a transcriptionist without going to school, if you do non-medical stuff. However, my understanding is that you need really good grammar, understanding of homonyms (sound alike but spelled differently), etc. I don't know how the pay compares to the medical transcription, but the idea of not having to do any schooling, and just depending on my excellent grammar and fast typing, appeals to me. I will send you some links on the blog I found about this, because I don't think I can post links here.

[A&A]

He told you that you'd be "crazy" to break up with him because he refuses to drive, right?    That's what he wants you to think.  He's telling you how and what to think, rather than letting you make those decisions for yourself.  This is VERY controlling behavior.  You could break up with him because you have a million reasons or zero reasons.  You can break up with him JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.  He doesn't have to "agree" with your reasoning.  You don't need his permission. 

[JudiAU]

I think it's currently fairly controlled by his medication, but he thinks it's easier to just receive the benefits and not have to work. His mother tells him all the time that between the cash he gets and the medical care he receives from SSI, it wouldn't be worth it finding a "Walmart job" so he shouldn't bother working
 

Yes, I guess what I am starting to realize is that even though he loves me, it's not enough for him to want to become a... functional person. I guess I was hoping that that would change.

You know, disregard my comments about living with someone with mental illness. I actually have fewer concerns on that front than this statement. He sounds lazy and unmotivated and accepting of his life, and frankly, just like a loser. It doesn't sound like depression. I've had relationships with unmotivated losers who I supported and relationships with people with serious depression. They were both difficult but at least the depressed person WANTED a new life, even if they couldn't find there way there. This guy has no future.