@ DH's ex (DSS's Mom):
The birthday message you posted for DSS and all his FB friends to read - with your gratitude for each and every day you've been blessed with being his mother; and reminding him that none of the other people who expressed love for him on this special day love him as well as you do; you love him most - was ever so prettily worded, like so many things you write.
This is the fourth consecutive year you haven't visited him on his birthday, although we always invite you - and even your parents - to come. (And, believe me, the thought of you showing up is no less gut-wrenching, for me, than it is for you! But I would welcome you and be nice - for him - if you made the effort to be here.)
You dangled the promise of a visit last month, but evidently changed your mind, without the slightest snippet of an explanation or expression of regret.
Today - and every day leading up to it - the mailman came and went without any package or even a card from you.
I put more effort into making sure you were honored on Mother's Day, than you have put into celebrating the day you gave birth to your blessed, precious, beloved, "beautiful boy".
The kid we both love has no idea that the child support you don't provide...specifically so you can spend it visiting him...would pay for at least twice the number of trips here that you bother to make. He doesn't know you long ago dumped the expense of his health insurance, or that you refuse to pay your court-ordered share of his out-of-pocket bills. He doesn't know that, after you made the magnanimous gesture of saying you'd pay for half his tuition - and his music lessons - you never actually did it.
But - as you so love to remind him - he's a genius. Right? So, we can't shield him from noticing on his own that you have the funds for cruises, spas, resorts, speedboats, amusement parks, flying his friends across the country for spring break and luxuriating with him for a week in "the biggest suite in Vegas"(?), while you spend less and less (money and time) visiting him here during the school years.
When I started this intimidating adventure of helping to raise your child, I was so conscious of being second to you. I had some pretty intense pangs of sympathy and compassion for you. I felt guilty about enjoying and celebrating our life with DSS because you are so isolated from it. I struggled to see things from your perspective (though admittedly that can be pretty hard!!!). I would never have dreamed of competing with you, over which one of us loves DSS the most! Of course it would be you!
But today, when I posted a simple, non-confrontational "Happy birthday! I love you!" on his FB page...and you felt compelled to follow it up by broadcasting that you love him most...I realized I've gotten jaded.
Come on! What's love, the pretty things you say, or what you do? While it obviously suits you to convince him of the former, do you really want him to grow up believing that? You'd be OK with him marrying some girl who cheats on him and manipulates him, but says wonderful things to him? You'd be OK with him walking out on his kids to chase his own dreams, all the while telling himself he's a fine father because he says sweet things to the kids in text messages and takes them on fabulous vacations?
I suspect you wouldn't need to assert that you love DSS most, if you felt certain that was true; if you were here doing the work of loving him...the difficult work (like sharing him with your ex), not JUST the pretty, fluffy parts.
The Evil Stepmother
Edited by VocalMinority - 6/2/11 at 8:14pm