You know what? Every time I've felt really down, you know, in that dark place, I remember what you guys wrote to me - grace. It reminds me of where I can go, when I'm ready to climb out. If that makes any sense! Thank you so much for those words. They are are really staying with me. Tomorrow I find out if the mtx worked - if not, I'll have a second dose.
Rosie, I'm not sure about the antibiotics, but in planning for the HSG (which I didn't end up having last cycle, but was going to) the office told me to take a mega dose of ibuprofen. I really didn't want to do that because I rarely take ibuprofen and the two occasions on which I took a double dose, I had terrible stomach pains for days - burning in one spot, kind of like what I'd imagine an ulcer feels like. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so I was considering taking only the regular dose. Please let us know how it goes! I know what you mean about wanting something else to fix. I wonder if IVF+ICSI+PGD might help the outcomes if what you're finding about sperm heads ends up being the case? I know it's not exactly comforting to add yet another pricey procedure to all this, but it is something I've considered (PGD) during my frequent "what if" panic moments, for myself and DH.
Deborah, I agree with what the others advised and I'm glad you're feeling better having talked to your mom. I'm at the point where I feel ready to tell people we are having some problems if they ask, because somehow it hurts me more to think that maybe they think we don't want more children. I'm not usually one to care much what others think but for some reason that idea really kills me, that somehow someone would imagine that the thing I want more than anything in the world isn't even important to me. Wishing you lots of strength this weekend - may it be restorative.
Renavoo, sending you tons of hugs and good thoughts. Isn't it awful what sleep deprivation does, when we're already susceptible to stress? I'm a fellow insomniac. I have the opposite problem, I can't fall asleep. The night before my final diagnosis with ectopic I didn't sleep all night. That hasn't happened to me in years. I hope that you'll get a good night's sleep soon to help you through this difficult moment. I think it's okay, important actually, to allow yourself to feel the sorrow and anger and whatever else you feel. I find that I have to go "through" it rather than "around" it to get back to a place of hope. You are such a positive person, be sure to also allow yourself to grieve too and not have to be positive, too. I think it will be so good to speak to your new doctor and have a plan. In the meantime, take good care of yourself, okay?
LuluRoo, yeah, they totally suck! What a loving person you are to take such good care of your nana. I hope you enjoy every minute of your weekend with DH. We love hiking too! We don't do nearly enough of it, unfortunately. Fingers crossed AF stays far away.
Just to follow up on the folic acid issue, I have been reading some interesting stuff (most of it behind university access codes). Folic acid and folate are not the same thing - folic acid is synthetic and as much as 50% of the general population cannot tolerate it very well. These people are heterozygous carriers of the MTHFR mutation (which is implicated in multiple miscarriages, especially in women who are homozygous). In sensitive individuals, folic acid interferes with the body's metabolism of food folates, compounding the already compromised metabolism of folate. My personal decision is to seek out a food-based supplement that has folate rather than folic acid in it and avoid any enriched foods (which I do already). Just in case anyone wanted to look into it for herself, I wanted to briefly mention it.
. (I know I won't be able to resist.) If you happen to do that or start doing that, a citation would always be welcome here. ;) It's pretty onerous to document research for a forum post where most people can't even access the studies, but public libraries here provide ridiculously good access in some cases. 
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