Language dilemma

[Franci]

Hello.

I don't know if I can really call this a language dilemma but DH and I are thinking about this.

Any opinion is welcome.

I'm a native Italian, my DH is an American born Chinese. He moved to the US at age 10 and in his house Shanghainese is spoken but his Mandarin is good to the point that when in China people don't think that he is a "foreigner"

My DS, age 4, is completely fluent in Italian and Mandarin and between me and DH we mix Italian/English, so DS understands some English but cannot speak it.

We live in a French speaking Country, so he gets French in school. But neither me or DH speak it.

Now he is at an age where he is very curious about how everything works and often asks his father. Point is that my DH would like to teach him stuff but language is a barrier for him in the sense that all his education has been in English and he finds that his Chinese is lacking vocabulary and that in the end our son likely is going to function in English. It was important for us he could speak Mandarin and he is growing up thinking he is half Italian, half Chinese. Reality is a little different. We had a very tough time to get him speaking Mandarin, looked for a Chinese nanny. And it has been great.

If we were in an English speaking Country, I guess it would be no problem. We would like DS to keep his Chinese but I guess my DH is a little frustrated he is avoiding some conversations with DS because he doesn't want to say it in Chinese, takes too much effort from him to relearn Chinese to a different level....and our DS, likely, will not need that either.

How you get out from this?

[skreader]

Can your husband read Chinese? If so, how about buying kids book in Chinese that answer the sorts of questions your son may be asking (how does it rain? How does an airplane stay in the sky?).

Another thing you could consider doing (which may bother some linguistic purists) is to "code-mix". In that way, your husband could answer questions in Putonghua, but use English technical vocabulary.  Here in Hong Kong I'm used to listening to my colleagues and friends and husband mix in English technical terms into their Cantonese.

I also believe that it is very important for parents to feel comfortable in speaking to their kids. So, maybe you should just let DH decide what language he wants to use w/ your son. In our house, Cantonese has mostly become the language of "Have you packed your school-bag yet?" and English has ended up being the language of  more complex thoughts and ideas.

[IsaFrench]

yes, now that your son is older, you can move away from the one parent/one language idea

towards the

=> this language used in this context, (Chinese)

that language used in that context/to discuss this other topic ... (English)

... since you don't speak French yourselves, I would thing that in the next few years, as English gains advantage for your son, you might want to find other ways to make sure that French doesn't slip too much away ....

it's a bit like this chinese circus act when one person balances a plate at the top of a row of poles, running back to the end of the line every few minutes to make sure that each pole along the line turns the right way for the plate to keep balancing high up in the air ....

the situation changes, you son gets older, how & what for he uses his main languages changes, his schooling needs will change in the future as well, so it will be a forever tweaking of the situation and of how things are done .... to find the right balance

good luck !

[mambera]

I would probably code-mix as skreader suggested for the vocab in this situation.  As stated above, code-mixing with English technical (and non-technical!) terms is enormously widespread, including many countries where the majority do not speak any English at all (but still use the words 'hamburger,' 'weekend,' and 'computer' instead of the equivalents in their own languages).

An alternative is for your DH to keep track of the terms he needs and make it a habit to look them up.  This is pretty laborious though, and up to him whether he wants to do it.