I haven't posted much here, but I do have an update (mostly x-posted from my DDC)...
I lost one of the twins two days ago.
DH, DS, and DSS and I were on vacation with my mother. We'd rented a cottage near Lake Michigan and were just planning on sitting on the beach, eating good food, and chilling out for a few days. I'd still been spotting and having weird pains, but I talked to the nurse practitioner at my midwife practice before I left, and she had said there's really no reason not to go; we weren't sure why I was having complications, but I'm so early that there's not much to be done anyways in the event of problems. I figured a little R&R would be a good thing, and hopefully I'd get rested up and start to feel a little better. I just haven't felt good since I had that flu about 2 weeks ago.
We got there, and everything was pretty much business as usual til the second day. I had a big gush of fluid at about 6 pm. Looking back, it was amniotic fluid, but I'd been having so much discharge that I sort of dismissed that thought. But later that night I started bleeding more and had two small contractions. I passed Baby A at about 2:30 am on the 19th.
We went to the hospital and took the baby with us. They checked to see if they could determine gender, but he (I'm just going to call it a he) was so small that they couldn't be sure. They took little impressions of his feet and photos for us and put it all together in a memory box.
I had an ultrasound there, and Baby B appeared to be doing fine. There was still a heartbeat and plenty of amniotic fluid. My cervix was also closed, which was a good thing. I didn't appear to be in imminent danger of losing the other baby, but the doctor said that the prognosis just isn't good. I guess when you lose one and actually give birth to it, the chances for having a successful pregnancy with the second baby go way down. I'd heard of vanishing twin syndrome (and was oddly worried about it since finding out I was pregnant with twins), but I've not really heard of losing and birthing one but not the other.
We have an appointment with my midwife and ob this morning, then they'll decide whether or not they still want me to keep my specialist appointment that I had already scheduled. When I spoke to the nurse practitioner on the phone, she said that she has heard of a successful, full-term pregnancy after the loss of one baby, but we just have to be very careful about infection. I'm also worried because the hospital doc said I wasn't likely to lose the placenta until after I gave birth to the other baby (whether that be sooner or later), but I'm pretty sure I lost one piece on each of the past two nights. Last night, though, I didn't lose anything else, and it's just light bleeding now.
I feel so strange. I'm so sad about losing Baby A, but grateful that Baby B seems ok. I can still feel him/her moving occasionally. But I don't want to get my hopes up too much. Even if everything still looks okay at the appointment tomorrow, I know I'll spend the rest of the pregnancy paranoid. My weird pains are gone, but there was really no pain at all from the birthing process - not at all like my first miscarriage. I also feel better physically than I have in a while. Whatever was going on with Baby A, it was sucking the energy out of me. But I'm still just waiting for the other shoe to drop. *sigh* I hate being pregnant... I wish there was some way to know if my other baby will be okay.