I feel like I am hearing a lot of temporal answers. "Right now" the kids are our number one priority, etc ... when I listen to this question- I feel like it really asks for a "big picture" answer.
Which is our number #1 priority- marriage or kids?
That's a hard question for any parent to think about. Right now, my husband and I have a 6.5 year old, 3 year old and an 11 month old and we are not done having babies. We are definitely in the "kids attached at our hips" stage in our lives. We love it. We are happy. Our kids love it. They are happy.
BUT our kids will not be living with us forever- at some point, they will go to school and/or get married, possibly move far away (Please no! I want my grandbabies near me!!) ... and we will move onto a new chapter where it is just us (my husband & I). For the rest of our lives, it will be us.
I think this question's answer is really formed in the way you look at marriage. We married each other for life. So for us, our relationship is THE most important relationship we will ever give our energy to.
Do most of our time, energy, thoughts, prayers, advices, kisses, etc, go towards our children on a daily basis- YES! Eventually and realistically, however, our children will be adults someday. Because of this, our kids are OUR priority but our marriage is our number #1 focus. All other positive, heartfelt, life decisions and children come from this focus- not the other way around.
We DO go on dates when we can- usually with the youngest baby in tow (still feels like a date if you don't have all three!). Putting your marriage first doesn't have anything to do with dates and trips. To me, this life focus signifies: I will respect my husband despite disagreements, we will be a team (even when our 6.5 year old "slyly" tries to divide us), we will hold hands and even "make out" in public no matter how old we are, we will cuddle every morning for a few minutes before we face the day, we will maintain our sex life and our communication. This all can be done while still keeping our kids close ... but we will not lose our identity as a couple in the choas.
I want to come out the other side knowing we have grown older together and that we still know each other as well, if not better, than when we first fell in love.