dd just not interested in new little brother

[samstress]

our four-year-old daughter just isn't interested in her new brother (now 19 days old).  she was very excited while i was pregnant (always talking and singing to my belly and talking about the baby coming), but now that he's here, she has little to do with him.

is this common?  will she warm up to him?  if so, when?  i really don't want to push her and i want her to come to him in her own time, but i guess i thought it would have happened by now.  haven't even gotten the big sister holding little brother photo that i was so looking forward to yet.  makes me a bit sad. 

just wondering what everyone else's experience has been.

[mckittre]

Some adults aren't really baby people.  Some kids aren't either.  I have a brother 3.75 years younger than me, and I never really did much with him until he was old enough to interact and play.  A 19 day old probably isn't old enough to smile and laugh at big sis when she talks to him, or accept and play with a toy when she gives him one, etc...  Give it some time. 

[4evermom]

Seeing how... hmm...  interactive... some older siblings are with new babies, I'd count your blessings on this one.  I've seen older ones (3 and 4 yo) who just would not leave the baby alone.  I'm sure your dd will warm up to the baby once he's a bit older and can do more.

[Snowflake777]

I'm not quite there yet (due with my 2nd in a few days) so I can't speak from experience, but I'd venture a guess that it's a) very normal and b) that it will change as your son gets older.

Newborns basically just eat, sleep, poop and cry, so it's understandable that she's not interested at this early stage. I bet she'll be more interested as he becomes more interactive. Give it a few months.

Hugs though. I'm sure that would upset me too!

[jessica_s]

Yep, I bet she'll come around. My older son really didn't interact much with the younger one... cause there wasn't a whole lot for him to be doing! He held him a couple of times but was over that pretty quickly. Now that he's 4 months there's a lot more interaction. Also a lot more need for me to make sure he's not trying to feed him something (let him suck on a pretzel stick) or stick a stuffed Diego's leg down his throat (that was yesterday) or do something else that might call for some intervention! 

[chaimom]

My boys were 3.5 when my dd was born and they were curious the first few days, realized she didn't do much but sleep and cry, and decided they weren't too interested.  I couldn't really blame them, from their perspective.   I occassionally asked if they would help me with her, or feed her when she was older and that helped a bit.  It wasn't until she could actually play with them, though, that they were really interested, and they're all good friends now.  I think you might just have to let it develop on its own time.  

[AllisonR]

I don't think many kids are interested in a blob, and no matter how fantastic your newborn is, he/she is really sort of a blob. I mean the newborn can't play with logos, can't draw pictures, heck, can't even talk or even react to your 4 yo's actions. 

FWIW I have a 4 yo DD and a 6 yo DS and they are the very best of friends, and have been most of their lives. The older they get, the richer and more complex their bond becomes. But my baby DD was of zero interest to my DS as a baby. He was still a small child himself, with valid needs that were only being interfered with by the new baby, and the world revolved around him in his head at that age, which is totally appropriate imo. When DD was about 6 months, she could interact with him in a slight way, laughing at him dancing around or whatever. But the real bond happened at about 18 months she could start interacting with him in a meaningful way. They could actually play together at some things. He could tell her what to do and she could worship his every word. They have come a long way since those days, believe me, but it was a good start to a great friendship. So yea, it comes, but not with a newborn.

[Peony]

Exactly! None of my kids were that thrilled with a newborn, except DD1 who was 6 when DS came along. By then she was old enough to want to hold the baby, and liked it when he sucked on her fingers, but when DD2 was born she could of cared less and then same with DD2 when DS was born. They enjoyed their sibling when they were old enough to actually interact and play with them.

Originally Posted by AllisonR 

I don't think many kids are interested in a blob, and no matter how fantastic your newborn is, he/she is really sort of a blob. I mean the newborn can't play with logos, can't draw pictures, heck, can't even talk or even react to your 4 yo's actions. 

[Llyra]

DD1 was totally unimpressed and uninterested with her siblings arrived. She mostly ignored them, except when their needs were getting in the way of what she wanted. She didn't want to hold them, didn't want anything to do with helping to care for them. It wasn't until they started sitting up and crawling, that she started to warm up to them. Now, (they're 4 and she's 6) they are the best of friends, except when they're having huge raucous arguments. I used to worry about her reaction-- sometimes it was like she really didn't even notice they were there. It just took her some time.

[mtiger]

I had a little girl (~3) come into the store yesterday, with her Dad, Mom and baby sister (3-4 weeks old). I asked her if she liked having a little sister... She shook her head sadly and said "No. She's stinky and cries ALL THE TIME!" So, yeah... perfectly normal!

[HidaShara]

My #2 isn't born yet, but I can tell you that I have three younger siblings (sisters are 2.5 & 6 years younger than me, and a brother who is 10 years younger) and I don't remember ANY of them as newborns.  I remember the events leading up to them being born, a gap (in which I remember lots of things about MY life, but not theirs), and then they sort of re-emerged at maybe 6 months.

I figure this is because during those early months, a baby might as well be a piece of furniture to a kid.  They don't DO anything.  They sleep a tonne.  They don't really start acting like little people until 4-6 months. Any kid at any age is bound to find that at least a little uninteresting.

[SuburbanHippie]

Babies are boring.  I bet she was expecting someone closer to her age to pop out of there.  LOL.  Once the baby starts walking around I bet she will come around.

[jessica_s]

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie 

I bet she was expecting someone closer to her age to pop out of there. 

I know my DS was! He asked one day (when my youngest was about 3 weeks old) "Mom is Asher going to be 3 years old soon?" 

[Disco Infiltrator]

DD is nine months and DS is still not hugely thrilled.  It's totally normal.  We actually had a really sweet conversation with him a couple days ago where he asked us why we'd decided to have another baby and was sad that we had never asked him.  We have a friend whose daughter is a few months younger than DS, her second was born the same day as DD and her daughter is just the sweetest most loving sibling and always has been from the first day.  So yes, kids are all different and yes, your daughter is totally normal, and yes, things get better.  They're better here - at least we don't have screaming every day.  

[babydanielsmom]

TOTALLY normal. From their little kid point of view a baby is probably the most boring thing on Earth !!! They eat, sleep, poop, and cry ....and that's about it . 

[cdk]

My 3 year old DS hated his little brother!  I was terrified!  He was always trying to hit him, throw things etc..  I was so worried that I would never be able to have them in the same room!!  My DS is now 5 months and his big brother absolutely loves him!!  Now that he is smiling and laughing and he's figured out that he is person!  I think it's just when they are newborns and don't smile, laugh etc..that they don't get it!  Good luck, I'm sure she will come around!