I'm in the "potty learning" tribe in the toddlers forum but I thought I'd post over here too, because it seems everyone there is just starting out the potty training journey, and we are in need of some remedial help.
My daughter was doing pretty well with using the potty and was going at least a couple of days or so without having any accidents. Now in the last, oh, month or so, I'd say, she has decided to poop and pee in her pants. And I say "decided" because she mostly does it at home. Most of the time (though not today!) she lets me know when she needs to go while we are out. I have quit carrying "back up" because the only way to motivate her to use the potty was to tell her "let me know when you have to go, because we don't have any 'extras'" and that had been working fairly well. I tried going back to M&Ms to motivate her to use the potty again, but that didn't work at all. So I read in the Positive Discipline A-Z book that at this age, I need to disengage from the situation. According to the book, if I have a 3 yo with issues using the potty, then I have created a power struggle and the only way to correct the issue is to disengage and let her make her choices. If she chooses to use the potty, great. If not, great, but she gets to do the clean-up.
So that's where we're at right now. She pooped and peed her pants here at home, so I sent her into the bathroom to clean up. There is now poop all over the floor because when she took her undies off, the poop fell off her bum and then she stepped in it. I have given her a bucket to put the dirty stuff in, and we have reviewed how to dump the poop where it belongs, but honestly it is a way bigger mess now than it would have been had I done it for her. I guess I just need to know, where do I draw the line? I just don't think she is able to clean herself up on her own. She now has poop on her hands, on her feet, and from front to back (bum to belly button). I gave her some cleaning wipes to wipe up the floor because she tracked poop all over the floor.
I really am just at a loss. I don't know what to do. I guess I'm just looking for some advice and help. Probably being 36 weeks pregnant is making me especially emotional about it.