Site modeling, facebook and general concerning situation

[lilyka]

Does anyone know anything about this?  My dd friend has gotten into this.  She has .always loved putting pictures of herself on facebook and editing them and she is pretty good at manipulating images and such. I have noticed many changes on her over the last year and she has started posting some pictures that i found disturbing.  Slutty clothes (short skirts, skimpy tops, slashed leggings ), sexy, pin up style poses (Have I mentioned she was 12 when she started taking these shots.  I think she just turned 13), kissy faces, profanity etc.  Then the friend frenzy started, she was adding 50 people a day.  Finally, I saw a picture of her sitting in her yard holding a sign that says "Yes, I am real" with the address to her facebook page.  So i decided to check in on her and see what was up (I have known this kid since she was two.  I worry.  and my daughter is being exposed to this and to all the people on this girls page)  

She is on 25 modeling sights.  The focus on girls between the ages of 11 and 15 (they say 13 but all my dds friends are 13 on FB ;-)  because you have to be 13 to be on FB even if you are really 11 ).   They have to post a certain number of times per day, tag certain people, submit 6 - 10 new photos per week, enter every contest.  Under her pictures were people falling all over themselves about how beautiful she was (she is cute but average and pictures are heavily doctored - lots of heavy make up added, she is skinny but looks like she thinned her waist - she looks like she is going to.snap in two in some pictures).  She doesn't actually know the people on these sights personally.  For all she knows, their profiles and pictures are fake.  Someone has stolen her pictures in the past and posed as her.  

This seems like a pedofiles dream.  Am I over reacting?

I am also worried about the "look at me look at me"  culture where kids are posting hundreds and hundreds of pictures of themselves  Spend hours every day taking pictures and editing pictures...of themselves.  yuck.  It seems to walk a line between extream vanity and low self esteem (constantly throwing out lines to hook compliments.  hear people tell them they are cool/pretty/talented etc like they can't live without it).  Site modeling seems to feed all this.  They aren't modeling anything.  They aren't getting paid.  There is no end goal to this parading about.  I don't get it.

on the upside I talked to my kid and she was like "oh gees, its so dumb" LOL. Words of wisdom from Maddee.  We talked some more about vanity, self esteem.  We talked about clothing choices and why I think this is dangerous (6-10 pictures  day and not so careful posting.  The pedos won't have to work hard to figure out where she lives.  And it is not a small town, but it is not big either.)  I asked her about  if she was worried about her friend and she started to cry.  Which concerns me.  

If this was you friends kid would you talk to them (the parents) about it?  Her parents are facebook friends with her just like I am.  There is no way she is doing this behind their back.  I noticed.  They had to notice.

Would you ask your child to limit their online interaction with this person? (I don't care if they hang out in real life.)

She has pictures of at least two of my kids in her albums.  Should I ask her to take them off?  I am worried about the creeps who can see her albums seeing my kids.  She is a decent photographer and there are some stunning pictures of my daughters on her account.  Some of M in her jammies and swim suit, formal wear.  Seems silly, they are modest enough, but still.  (and there is no way you add 1000 people based on pictures of your body and get no creeps).

Thoughts?

[ewe+lamb]

Yeah - I guess this would be something that I personally couldn't let go of.  There seems to be something about 'drawing attention to herself' that is almost bordering on the unnatural, if she is a talented photographer then maybe pointing her in a different direction maybe interesting, there's so much more to look at than just folk! 

Depending on how good friends you are with her parents I would see if I could have a chat about it with them, they may be worried and need you just to open the door to a conversation like this.  Maybe approach it from a different aspect, an article in the newpaper or on the net, have you ever seen this site www.commonsensemedia.org you may get some ideas from there, they just did an article recently on children the amount of time they spend on the net and how much information they give about themselves - it maybe interesting for you to look into that.

It sounds as if your dd has her feet firmly planted on the ground and I wouldn't necessarily worry about their relationship, it seems from what you wrote she's not easily influenced by this sort of thing but, I would certainly keep a weather eye on the girls relationship and keep talking to your dd about self respect etc, how she wants others to see her, maybe have a conversation like that with the other girl as well, see how she sees herself as well you may get more of an idea from that, she may not even be aware of paedophiles etc, gavin de Becker comes to mind as well, his book Protecting the Gift https://www.gavindebecker.com/resources/books_by_gavin_de_becker_and_other_books/ you may find this link useful.

I'm sure other folk here will have some helpful advice for you too!  Good luck.

[Linda on the move]

Holy cow.

I wouldn't bother talking to the parents because they already know. If they didn't know, I'd give them a heads up. But what's the point?

I would ask to have the photos of my child removed. 

I would also have my child unfriend the other girl on facebook. Both my kids have facebook accounts and we generally don't monitor them. However, we've made it a point that your friends on facebook and being allowed into your circle of trust. This other child's internet activity is just a train wreck waiting to happen. I'd get my kid clear of the wreck. I have required my kids to unfriend certain people, and we do reserve the right to go through their friends list at any time.  Personally, I think it teaches our kids a valuable lesson to distance themselves from problematic people and situations.  Although I wouldn't ban a friendship with the kid, I would keep an extra eye on things. This is a child who is in a big hurry to be used for sex. I would treat the friendship with appropriate supervision.

I don't think you are overracting at all, but I think this is a situation where being really clear about what you control and what you don't control. You can do things to protect your own child, but you can't fix other people's bad parenting choices. 

[lilyka]

Just as an update...I do know it is site modeling.   Things I was worried about was using her body to get attention and basing her self esteem on how many "likes" she gets.  And the sexual nature of her poses.  She has gone from slightly sexual to just plain slutty.  My kids are no longer allowed to be her facebook friends because I think she is such a bad role model.   I also worry about the quality of people they are being exposed to by being linked to her.  But she is very successful and I would not be surprised if you had pictures of her on your site.  Your name sounds familiar.

Quote:

I wouldn't bother talking to the parents because they already know. If they didn't know, I'd give them a heads up. But what's the point?

Her parents definitely know and could not be more proud.  its all so very strange.  Seems so counter to their values.

And friendship with the kid is not a problem.  My kids are no where cool enough for her any more.  she has become vain and self focused.  And she gets really snotty if anyone does not agree that she is awesome or expresses any concern about her attitude/actions.  whatever.  It is sad but hopefully something she will grow out of without getting hurt.

[whatsnextmom]

It is really hard to watch kids you care about go down unsavory and dangerous paths. However, she's not your child. If the parents know what she's doing and are proud, then there really is no conversation to be had with them. Just talk to your own children.

This sort of stuff makes me sad. I see so many children and parents make mistakes trying to get into the "biz" (modeling, acting, singing.) There are SOOOOO many people out to exploit them and fool them into thinking this is the way to stardom. I have met seemingly sane and parents allow really terrible things because they "think" this is how people become stars. They really feel they are letting their children follow their dreams! Thing is, reputable agents aren't looking at these model sites for talent. They aren't sending agents to the mall to pick up fresh new faces. They don't have to look. They have stacks of quality submissions to weed through in their mailbox every day. They certainly don't want to hire a kid, set them up for a national Gap ad and then find all these provocative photos of them on the internet. It can destroy a child's career before it even starts.

I would ask your children's pictures be removed.... report them for facebook to remove if she refuses. I would want your DD to unfriend her online and tighten your DD's security so that only her "friends" have access to her pictures and posts. Plus, with the new style Facebook has taken, you can see all your friends posts to people you don't even know on the right hand column. Your kids don't really need to see that. Yuck.

[lilyka]

This thread is really old so I know stuff now I did not know last year.    also they do not hang out any more and are not friends so nothing really comes up.    My dd has moved on (you can only get the condesending blow off so many times before you get the clue) and has some great friends.    I think all the pictures of them together were taken down to make more room for her modeling pics (after all it is super uncool to be seen in a natural state - no heavy make up, no big dyed hair, no sexy pouty lips - making cookies and hanging out in your pjs watching the snow fall.  People might think she is a normal little girl) or maybe it is just because she didn't want to be associated with  my nerdy daughter.  who knows, who cares.  The important thing is my dd is not subject to creepers anymore.  

[lilyka]

oh, but my dd confront her on her attitude and why she thought she was being unsafe on line.  Go baby girl!  it was hard for her and she knew it would end the friendship but she wanted to say her piece because she felt she owed it to her friend to share her concern.  friend rolled eyes and said she was sorry M was so repressed....whatever.  I am proud of m. for taking such a big risk and showing her love and concern. She valued her friend over the friendship.  And she did it without any prompting from me.

[Linda on the move]

I didn't realize that this was an old thread resurrected by someone with just one post.

How....odd.

[Brookiegogir]

HI, im a site model as well. As for some of the things mentioned in your artical, as for her clothing not all models do this, in fact most sites when "applying, say specifically to keep covered up. as for the people that friend her. most people that are into site modeling are friends with every one. Thats just the way it works, when your pictures are out there you get friend requests from people you dont know. But no one usually pays much attention to you, every one is friends with every one. The goal of site modeling is fun, although the compliments are nice, the reason me and any one i know that site models does this is because its fun. You post your pics than you can enter the contest. Its mainly just fun and for the status of saying im a site model. It may seem silly but its quite harmless. Im sorry if my gramer is flawed but im a bit tired.