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Registry etiquette question

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

OK.. this is my 3rd baby, but my first with DF and I. I got rid of just about everything newborn related because I thought I was done having babies.. but then DF and I met, fell in love, wanted to have babies together, and here we are!

 

Anyway.. so, I am thinking about a registry, but wondering if it is OK to have one with my third baby- but our first together. Also, would it be OK or bad taste to register for a convertible carseat that my older DC could use while baby is in an infant seat? (His seat is about to expire, so I need a new one for him, and will need to get 2 with the new baby coming) Would it be different if I am having a different sex than my older 2 (not that I know yet, but I have a feeling its a girl)?

 

Thoughts?

post #2 of 18

I'm in the same situation, I have two kids from a previous marriage, but it'll be SO's first.I don't think there'd be any harm in setting up a registry, but I'd only give the info to people who ask. I wouldn't register for something as expensive as a car seat, regardless of whether the baby would use it right away or later. For that sort of thing, I'd wait and see if DF's parents or grandparents offer to buy a larger-budget gift and tell them you need the car seat. With all that being said, I've never set up a registry, so I'm hardly an expert ;-)

post #3 of 18

I think you should register and only give the info if someone asks. I think it's rude to ask for gifts and to assume people will buy from the registry- but if someone asks you about what you need then why not? How old are your other kids?

 

I am registering even though I have a one year old because I want the discount coupon and I am using the registry as a list for myself. I wouldn't dream of actually sharing it with anyone. I am also adding a car seat for my older child but that is only because I am registering for the coupon and it has to be on your list in order to get the discount. If I actually planned on sharing the registry, I wouldn't put that on there.

 

 

 

post #4 of 18
Thread Starter 

Thanks for your input.. Yes, I am registering to keep track of things I need as I remember them, to only give out the registry info if someone asks (I set it on private so someone would have to have the registry number to access it), and for the discount coupon. I'm certainly not assuming anyone will buy stuff from it, but I like to have it handy if anyone asks what I need.

 

My older kids are 4 and 2.

post #5 of 18

I am of the opinion that it is perfectly fine to set up a registry any time you would like. I don't mind showers for subsequent babies, though I would expect the gifts to be of smaller value.

 

It's our first, but we will be registering for some high ticket items for several reasons-- A/ as people mentioned, it's the easiest way to keep a concise list... and B/ We're hoping the parents or siblings etc will go in together on some of these items, rather than bringing over dozens of cutesy outfits. 

 

I think bottom line, is that you should be free to do as you wish, as long as you're not say, advertising your registry on FB ROTFLMAO.gif After all, a registry really is just a wish list... there's nothing wrong with wishing for things. 

post #6 of 18

I've set them up with both my boys and will do so again...but, I only shared it with DS1  - it was put in the baby shower invitations (unless someone asked me), I mostly did it because of all the coupons etc that come with the registration! I also have next to nothing sense this one is a surprise, so I am hoping some people want to gift... So no, I think its ok. Oh, and we asked for a toddler bed for our 2 year old instead of a baby gift (from MIL) last time and she was really cool with it - we explained how his crib would go to the baby and that DS1 really needed the bed, and the best way she could financially help us would be to buy DS1 a bed. We would have asked for a carseat for our 4yo and rotated everything down this tiem around also, had we not stumbled on a super cheap (used) bucket seat recently...

 

I'm kind of hoping if this baby is a girl someone will throw a shower for me but I just don't see that happening....

post #7 of 18
I think setting up a registry is fine, and so is adding the more expensive items like carseats. Sometimes people want to buy gifts together and don't want you to know about it in advance. (My MIL and two SIL's surprised me with a larger gift with my first.)

I have had people set up CD and babywearing registries with me and then also include stuff like snack bags, floor cloths, and even cycle pads, which I think is seriously on the bizarre side (because they're obviously not for a baby), but, you know, you see everything.
post #8 of 18
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahtar View Post

I think setting up a registry is fine, and so is adding the more expensive items like carseats. Sometimes people want to buy gifts together and don't want you to know about it in advance. (My MIL and two SIL's surprised me with a larger gift with my first.)

I have had people set up CD and babywearing registries with me and then also include stuff like snack bags, floor cloths, and even cycle pads, which I think is seriously on the bizarre side (because they're obviously not for a baby), but, you know, you see everything.


On my registry for #2, I put some glass cookwear with lids.. I figured it was baby related so I could make a bunch of freezer meals for when baby came. I didn't get it though, lol. I think I will end up buying some anyway this time around because I know hardly anyone where I live now, so people bringing me food in the first weeks won't happen (with #2, my x-MIL set up a bunch of people from her church to bring us dinners every other day, and it was AMAZING!)

 

post #9 of 18

My DD was a June baby, and cooking after her was so easy! I got a lot of stuff to barbecue so all I had to do was open the bag of pre-made salad, rinse it & throw it in a bowl. I'd maybe boil some corn or rice, and XH would do the barbecue part. There's a lot fewer pots & pans to wash.

post #10 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by SierraBella View Post

Thanks for your input.. Yes, I am registering to keep track of things I need as I remember them, to only give out the registry info if someone asks (I set it on private so someone would have to have the registry number to access it), and for the discount coupon. I'm certainly not assuming anyone will buy stuff from it, but I like to have it handy if anyone asks what I need.

 

My older kids are 4 and 2.


I think if you're setting it to private, then it is totally okay.  I would never set up a registry with any baby other than my first, even if it was SO's first because I know that a lot of people would find it rude which would be embarrassing to me.  People who actually *ask* you for the registry info though obviously don't think it is rude and would like to help or they wouldn't be asking so in that case I think it would be fine. 
 

 

post #11 of 18



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by SierraBella View Post

so people bringing me food in the first weeks won't happen (with #2, my x-MIL set up a bunch of people from her church to bring us dinners every other day, and it was AMAZING!)

 


Have you all seen the website takethemameal.com?  I am really hoping someone sets that up for me this time around! 

post #12 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

Have you all seen the website takethemameal.com?  I am really hoping someone sets that up for me this time around! 



Wow, what a great site!!! I wish I knew more people in my town.. all my friends are 1 1/2 hrs away.

post #13 of 18

I agree with everyone else.  Totally okay to set it up and give it to anyone who asks!

 

Heck, many websites are encouraging you to set up 'wish lists' for no reason at all (Amazon comes to mind), so this seems totally reasonable, again, as someone mentioned, probably not something you proclaim to everyone you know, but since you're not planning to do that, no big deal.

 

Unlike others, I don't even know if I'd be offended if someone I knew were having a later baby and didn't set the registry to 'private.' As long as you don't tell people, if a person happens to go online and see you have one, I don't see that as 'begging for gifts' or anything like that. They were the ones who checked, you didn't tell them about it!  In fact, maybe you want to consider not having it as private, because maybe a friend doesn't want to ask about registries, but would prefer to get you something you really need instead of just another nb size cute outfit (which are adorable, yes! I'm always tempted, even when I know the baby doesn't need clothes!) so they would look online and see you've registered for something and be very happy.

 

anyway, if any of that made sense, I think you're handling this fine and no one should be offended!

post #14 of 18

Exactly my thoughts runner!

 

And if someone is online searching for a registry, they lose all rights to be upset if they find one. That just seems stupid, you know? 

post #15 of 18

I've totally already started my registry.. mainly to just kind of get straight in my head what we want or need... if someone asks I'll give it to them. I don't see the big deal at all.

post #16 of 18

I had baby showers with all of my babies, because my family sees it as a celebration of life, not a reason to collect gifts. I realize my family is not everyone's family, though.

 

With my 4th child, it was my SO's first baby, and so his family asked us to create a registry. Members from both sides of the family, as well as friends, bought lots of gifts for the baby. Of course we didn't expect them to, but it was nice. :)

post #17 of 18

Yes you should have a registry. And register for what ever carseats you need. At most babie stores what ever is not purchased off your registry you can get 10% off of all of it but it has to be listed. To me it is like saying well I went to your first 2 kids birthday parties so I am not going to do anything for the 3rd. If someone doesn't want to buy then they do not have to. The list is just showing everyone what you wish you had for new one coming. And I register for an infant seat and a toddler seat. But then again my family loves to blow money on babies! This is only my second time around but all the other women in the family are already done having babies and they all had a shower for every single one. One thing I am doing different this time is not only listing my stores of registry I am inviting gently used baby items as gifts. We are almost 5 years apart from DD and I have absolutely nothing except some spoons and sippy cups and since everyone else in the family has tons of babies I am grateful for whatever I can get!

 

I even had two people already give me high chairs and they both said pick out the one you like best and sell/trade the other for something you need!! Luckily our state has tons of really nice baby resale shops!

post #18 of 18

I agree with others that it would be fine to set up a registry and refer anyone who asks.  Mother blessings are becoming more popular now, too.  I like to have one with each pregnancy to connect with the pregnancy and celebrate each new life. 

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