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If one more person tells me...

post #1 of 77
Thread Starter 
how their two children who are close in age are Just. Like. Twins. I may have to get violent.

I can't believe I thought the hardest part about having twins would be caring for twins. By far, the hardest part is the stupid comments.
post #2 of 77

Hey, you have new babies! Congratulations!

post #3 of 77
Thread Starter 
Thanks. orngbiggrin.gif And thank you also for not asking me if they're identical.
post #4 of 77

You're very welcome. I will now specifically *not* ask that of any twin (or other multiples) mama. I didn't ask because it didn't occur to me to be something *too* ask, but now I won't ask it so they can have one person who doesn't ask.

 

 

post #5 of 77
Thread Starter 
I think it's OK to ask if the two are the same sex, both it's been really frustrating to explain to people-- including nurses-- that my babies can't be identical because she lacks a penis and he a vagina.

Sorry, it's been a day. bag.gif
post #6 of 77

LOL, are we talking about stupid "twin" comments?

 

I get this one a lot - ARE THEY TWINS? Uh duh nope. I just happen to have a double stroller and two infants of the same size and age with me. I've started being a smartass and now I answer this question with "no, they're sisters."

 

ARE THEY IDENTICAL? Do they look the same to you?

 

DO YOU HAVE TWINS IN YOUR FAMILY? We do now!

 

DO THEY CRY AT THE SAME TIME? Yes

 

DO THEY DO EVERYTHING THE SAME? Nope

 

WILL THEY BE IN THE SAME GRADE? I hope so

 

IS IT HARD WITH TWINS? Absolutely

 

DO YOU WANT MORE KIDS? I hate this question so much I never answer.

 

DO YOU NURSE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME? Such a personal question but I love the look of bewilderment that I always answer Yes.

 

Then I get Twin anedotes like "My cousin's boyfriend's sister has twins." "I live next door to twins." "Your twins should be baby models" "Make sure you don't refer to them as twins so that they have their own identities" and the list goes on and on...

 

I realize the morbid curiousity that occurs when you see two human beings that look alike so I'm patient and try to answer at least one question. But people don't realize we're asked these same questions all day long!

post #7 of 77

I remember getting those comments. Most annoying was from my MIL, when I was in the depths of early twin parenting, as she told me that she "nearly" had twins because there was less than two years between her eldest and my husband.  Ah, yes, of course.

post #8 of 77

I am still on the other sides things being 36 weeks preggo with twins but it has already started.  The most annoying thing is the fascination with my "due date."  It frustrates people to no end when I say Juneish when they ask about my due date.  I even got this yesterday, "when are they inducing?"    Crazy!

post #9 of 77

Ay ay ay... I even got it once from DH... he and his sister are one year apart, and he was all, My mom was home alone all day with two babies. Ooooooooooo I got so peeved! The difference between a one year old and a newborn is astronomical! It is NOT the same at all! (He's never mentioned anything like this again btw. Smart man.)

post #10 of 77

A fun one I get is this.  When out in the side-by-side stroller, I occasionally get a baffled look and the question, "What is the age difference?"  (My twins are not identical, but similar enough that they are obviously related. They are now 17 months old.)  My reply is "About 15 minutes".  The look sometimes becomes more baffled, until I say, "They are twins".  Sometimes, the look becomes even more baffled, until I say, "They are not identical".  Finally, all confusion has been swept away, and I get a big smile and an explanation of how their cousin's brother-in-law's employer is a twin.

post #11 of 77

My favorite is "You have your hands full".   I don't understand why people feel the need to say that.... I mean yes I probably do.  I have a three year old and almost 8 month twins... I am busy.  But the way "you have your hands full" comes out is just so negative, you know???   I love my babies and our life and hate that people seem so negative.    I dunno... maybe I am just sensitive.

post #12 of 77

At church this weekend, an older woman told me how her youngest two were 11mo apart...and that is worse than twins.  Yeesh.  We have a large family, but never seemed to draw much notice like some large families go through, until the twins arrived.  They have apparently turned our family into a sideshow.  

post #13 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by mauri456 View Post

My favorite is "You have your hands full".   I don't understand why people feel the need to say that.... I mean yes I probably do.  I have a three year old and almost 8 month twins... I am busy.  But the way "you have your hands full" comes out is just so negative, you know???   I love my babies and our life and hate that people seem so negative.    I dunno... maybe I am just sensitive.


 

I get this, too. And I feel the same way you do. I think people just feel like they have to say SOMETHING. I also dislike the "double trouble' comments. 

post #14 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mylilmonkeys View Post

At church this weekend, an older woman told me how her youngest two were 11mo apart...and that is worse than twins.  Yeesh.  We have a large family, but never seemed to draw much notice like some large families go through, until the twins arrived.  They have apparently turned our family into a sideshow.  


OMGoah, I would break a commandment if someone said that to me.

When we found out we were having twinsa, DH said "This is great! If it was just one, everyone would say oh yeah, pastor's family is having another baby, yawn, what else is new... but twins? Now that's news!" LOL!
post #15 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molliejo View Post




 

I get this, too. And I feel the same way you do. I think people just feel like they have to say SOMETHING. I also dislike the "double trouble' comments. 


Double trouble cheeses me off. I actually blogged about it... let me see if I can find it,

Here!
http://ourseasonsofjoy.com/twins/double-blessing/
post #16 of 77
Thread Starter 
I had a really sweet comment today at the grocery store. One of the clerks came up and said "Were you blessed with a girl AND a boy?!?!" in such amazed tone. It made my day!
post #17 of 77


The stupid comments are enough to drive anyone mad.

 

I have become pretty stern in my delivery of "It's a different kind of hard," when somebody suggests that their three kids being close together is "the same as triplets."

 

I get a slightly different set of comments since I have triplets rather than twins; I get a set of stupid comments from twin moms, but I get far fewer of the fertility treatment questions since everybody assumes that triplets must mean fertility treatment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

I had a really sweet comment today at the grocery store. One of the clerks came up and said "Were you blessed with a girl AND a boy?!?!" in such amazed tone. It made my day!


Love that!  My favourite comment ever about the triplets was the pharmacist who we saw once when they were about 6 months old.  He looked at them in the stroller, asked if they were triplets, and then said "Holy cow. I could never cope with all those diapers."

 

And, my standard behaviour that really is about getting revenge on all the stupid comments (even though I know better, I can't help myself) comes when I am out without all my kids in a group that is talking about kids. 

 

The Other Person: How many kids do you have?

Me: Four.

The Other Person: How old are they?

Me: 7 and 4.

 

Always gets a reaction, and I have to say I enjoy it way more than is healthy.

post #18 of 77
Take heart-- the comments made me hammer.gif for a long time, but once they're walking around, it seems like it eases up a lot.

I've shared before-- my favorite comment ever was the one where I was asked if they were twins, and said yes, and the person looked at me doubtfully, and said, "Are you sure?" Like maybe I was mistaken about having birthed two babies on the same day, maybe? Like maybe I was lying, for some crazy reason? Dunno.

I've also loved how once you get through the "mystified," and everybody understands that they're twins, all of a sudden everybody's got to tell you that their cousin's neighbor's husband was a twin. Like you really wanted to know.

I tried to be patient, to be kind, to understand that people are just trying to be friendly and relate. But sometimes I just wanted to run out and buy a gallon of milk without having to be the public spectacle-du-jour.
post #19 of 77

Our twins were not only a boy and girl, but my dd has red hair and ds blonde, and I was still constantly getting asked if they were identical.  

 

Of course now they are 11 and no one would guess they are even twins.  Dd is about six inches taller than her brother and boy there is nothing more different than these two, except for the fact that they are both generally introverted.  People are surprised when they ask how far apart they are.  "Eight minutes"  They look a couple of years apart right now, especially with that girls' head start on puberty.  Ds is disgruntled, dd gloats over her tallness, and I am just trying to figure out how to homeschool them next year at the same math level together.  The audience no longer flocks to us.  We are now boring.  La la la la life goes on...

 

 

post #20 of 77

I do agree that folks are just trying to chat and relate.   It's just frustrating b/c with babies it's hard enough to even get everyone dressed, fed, happy, and out!!! You know you have a small window to do what you need to do!  And then you get stopped every 2 seconds by people saying the same thing over and over again.  The spectacle part really is  annoying. I feel like I've gotten better with it and am starting to try and take it more as a compliment/amazement in my sweet babies than anything else.   But I also really feel bad for my poor three year old too who is SO TIRED of the comments.   She acts up now when someone says is it twins and I know it has to hurt her a bit that everyone is so interested in the babies and then the second thought is her :(  I always try and bring her up quickly so the attention can be redirected to her a bit.

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