If one more person tells me... - Page 2
eh, it doesn't bother me so much (though its only been a short time)...i mean, i actually like the adult conversation...and its nice to be doted and marveled at for 'all my hard/omg impossible/hands full/busy work'...
and lately ive been getting more 'you're so blessed' comments and not as many 'holy crap you're insane' comments...though, sometimes i probably reply to their inquiries like i find myself crazy for the wild family i have and they feel like they have to console me. :)
in any case, i truly do love having twins and i'd probably be one of those looky loos if i saw a pair around.
my favorite though is when other PoM's approach me. :)
And, my standard behaviour that really is about getting revenge on all the stupid comments (even though I know better, I can't help myself) comes when I am out without all my kids in a group that is talking about kids.
The Other Person: How many kids do you have?
The Other Person: How old are they?
Me: 7 and 4.
Always gets a reaction, and I have to say I enjoy it way more than is healthy.
I love you. A lot.
I still find it baffling how half the population insists my twins are the most identical identical twins they've ever seen, and the other half of the population is just as certain that they are not identical at all. The other day they were walking side by side and actually wearing the same outfit (their choice, I don't dress them anymore!) and some woman asked me how far apart in age they were. She was totally baffled by "thirty-five minutes" and I had to actually use the T word.
OMGoodness... these made me giggle!! :o)
My personal favorites thus far with my little twinkles who are newborns...
The staple fave among this group... when I say that I also have two older children that are 4 and 2: "oh you're going to have your hands full!" mmmmhmmm. Thank you Captain Obvious.
When I was pregnant: "maybe you'll have a boy and a girl" me: "no, they're identical" others: "well, can't you still have a boy and a girl?" Not so much.
Since they're identical: "can you tell them apart?" "are you going to dress them the same?"
While pregnant and post-delivery: "so are you finished having kids now?" you know, because we have four. And when I reply that I'm open to more, most people pause for a few seconds not knowing how to respond because they assume that I'm at my maximum family capacity.
And my most favorite is when people ask if our twins are "natural". Yes. Although many people have twins via IVF, God chose to bless our family with our little mono/mono twins. And frankly, I think it's somewhat rude of people to ask!
Thanks for the laughs ladies!! Twin motherhood is going to be a ride I'm sure!! :o)
Although I am not a Parent of Multiples (I am a godmother to triplets, if that counts....), I want to share my "but they sure look like twins!" stories.
the first - when DD1 was a toddler, we became friends with a little girl her age and her mom. Had lots of playdates and outings together. I had a double stroller, so I would put them both in that. People would stop to comment on "your adorable little twin girls". the kicker - my DD is white/asian mix who looks very asian and her friend was white/african american mix who looks very AA, and they did not even look one iota related, let alone any sort of twins.
the second - DD and DS1 are almost three years apart in age, but have been close to the same size for the past 7 years. (She's petite, he's quite tall). One evening when I was pregnant with DS2 we were out to dinner, and waiting for our table. An older lady looked at me and my kids and said "Do you think you are having twins again?". I said "I've never had twins". She said - "Oh, are they adopted?" (Which I actually used to get a lot because they look very asian and I am white). I just said "no, they are brother and sister, but not twins". She said "Are you sure? Because they sure LOOK like twins!" Um, yeah, I am pretty sure I'd remember that detail.
I am so happy to find this thread. I am 12 weeks pregnant with twins and the multitude and depth of stupid questions/comments I am getting already is weighing on me heavily. I am on the verge of tears all the time it seems.
It seems none of our family is happy for us. The common comment is "Well, you are going to have your hands full". I feel like saying, "Well, please...don't inconvenience yourself by offering to help in any way...." Not that I EXPECT their help, but my nearest/dearest friends had such different reactions. They basically were saying, "Wow! How magical! Double blessings! You are a wonderful mom! I'd want you as a mom...." and they've already offered so much help and solutions and encouragement.
I think I have to develop a tougher/thicker skin and practice saying (in response to the negative comments," Thank you for that observation...but we are really inviting SOLUTIONS right now."
I had twins and could never leave the house without hearing how full my hands were at least 3 times. Then I had another one almost 3 years later. A boy after girls and it was not only how full my hands were, but asking if they were ALL mine, how happy we must have been to have a boy after 2 girls, etc.
Last fall the girls went to school after being home full time so I never went anywhere without 3 in tow. So now I do most of my errands with just a 3-year old boy with me. No one ever says anything to me. It's kind of funny.
I just remembered a great one. We were at a toddler music class when the girls were about 15-months. They were running every which way, never the same direction, you know doing lots of things, none of which was singing with the other kids and Moms in the circle. A Mom with kids 2-1/2 years apart, her baby clipped into a baby car seat in the snap & go told me that it was much harder to have a toddler and a baby than two toddlers. It was such a preposterous comment I didn't even know what to say.
I do think having babies 11 months apart would be very hard, but not the same thing as twins for sure. I'm not sure why other people want to make it a competition anyway? I hate comments like that.
I was surprised: My twins are 11, they are B/G, they have different hair color, dd is half a head taller than her brother, you know about as fraternal as it gets but still similar in the face--like any fairly different siblings. So the postal worker at the desk was chatting with us and found out they were twins and scrutinized them for a short while and then said "You're right, they sure DO look alike!"
My older child was 3, but was still in diapers when the younger was born, so really it was just like twins.
Sorry, forum crashing, but I saw the title, and I couldn't resist the set up line!
So maybe I am crazy but I actually might think that having a two year old and a baby might be just as hard as twins? I've always felt like I was kind of lucky to do the same thing twice than tend to two totally different sets of needs (obviously I don't mean neglecting preference or individual needs, just general phases of care-- diapers, food prep, etc.) Also, I LOVE that they play together all the time. My nephew is reliant on my sister to play all day and it sends her into a guilt/crazy cycle that I am not envious of. THAT being said, tomorrow is our block party and I remembered that last year I ended up crying with my two toddlers in my fenced in backyard because I could.not.keep.a handle on them. So wish me luck!
And yes, the comments slow waaaaaaaay down after they are running around. Wait, maybe that is because they are never in the same place to compare them?
Finally, my favorite comments come from the elderly gentlemen at the grocery store who tell me they have a twin brother with whom they are very close. Seriously, it has happened three times or so and it is the BEST.
No, Annette, I think you win. Seriously. I only had the two year old...
No, Annette, I think you win. Seriously. I only had the two year old...
I'm going to start telling everyone I win because I got heart failure.
But what I always think of that is, I never said anything about how hard it is so why the comparison?
I have never said "It's so hard!" or tried to show how much harder twins was to anyone. Never. And our twins were still 2yo when our youngest was born. Did I ever say or even think "This is as hard as triplets." No. I did ultimately think it was harder overall because one of our twins is on the autism spectrum and really really hard to deal with in addition to everything else. That was the thing that blew me away for years. That is still one of the most difficult things we deal with every day of our lives.
I don't understand what is behind that kind of comment, maybe the person is just answering their own thoughts? Are they assuming the mom of twins is automatically going around with the air of a martyr? What is it?
No twins here, but I saw the thread title and had to jump in...
I met a woman whose son is 3 weeks younger than mine at a baby-and-me workout. We had lots to talk about, since our boys were so close in age, and we laughed over the fact that we had identical stroller/carseat combos. Same color and everything. Her boy is half-Mexican and had thick, beautiful, black hair and dark eyes. DS is even more fair than I am, big blue eyes, and had NO hair at all. We were walking through the mall, she pushing her son, me pushing mine, and a lady stopped us to look at the babies. She looked up at us and asked if they were twins. We were baffled. Why, because they were in matching strollers? If they were twins, who was the mom? And then who was the other one of us? We decided she went on to meet her friends and tell them all about the nice lesbian couple with the twins, b/c after all, two women plus two babies just couldn't be two moms and their kids walking together. That would be too simple a concept.
But people do love to say - oh I had a 15/16/17/18 month old and newborn - it is the same/harder than your twins. BLAH. I hate that comment too... I just nod b/c what else can you do?