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If one more person tells me... - Page 3

post #41 of 77
Why can't people just say what they mean? "I had babies X months apart and nearly died of it. You rock for keeping your twins from playing in traffic."
post #42 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane View Post

Why can't people just say what they mean? "I had babies X months apart and nearly died of it. You rock for keeping your twins from playing in traffic."


thumbsup.gif

post #43 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane View Post

Why can't people just say what they mean? "I had babies X months apart and nearly died of it. You rock for keeping your twins from playing in traffic."


Because that is way too simple and makes MUCH more sense. 

post #44 of 77

Very few people have the guts to say anything to me.  My DD was only 18 months when my twins were born.  I think that most people must just assume that I am at my breaking point because their eyes just get kind of wild.  I think that I can also definitively say that a toddler and newborn is nowhere near as hard as the two twins.  In every bad moment I think "This would be so easy if it was just a toddler and baby, or even just the babies." 

 

The best comment I have gotten, though, was that I had an "instant family".  Even though we were already a family before we had the twins, the guy who said it seemed so awed and happy with the idea it really touched me. 

post #45 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by nwatt View Post

The best comment I have gotten, though, was that I had an "instant family". 


It's funny how everybody takes things differently.  I HATE this comment and don't think any delivery of it could change my response.

 

post #46 of 77
lol.gif I'm LMAO at some of these! So this is what I have to look forward too? Oh dear eyesroll.gif.

I'm expecting boy/girl twins, and I got asked once already if they are identical eyesroll.gif . Some people are just really, really dumb.
post #47 of 77

The whole hands full comment never really bothered me because I really do have my hands full. A lot. My respose as I continued on my way: Yes I do, isn't it great/a blessing/thank god we have been so blessed. Totally baffled the people and I got left alone. Most of the time. My boys were two when we had Little Princess and the comments were more of the hands full type which I ignored most of the time (nod and smile), but my favourite was: isn't it great to just have one baby this time? My answer was I don't have one, I have three. Again, baffled looks and continue on my way. Such a difference when I just take Little Princess by herself anywhere. Although, I have been a little guilty of this myself. When we are out with the boys, I'll point out other twins and say to my boys look, they have the same birthday, just like you. shrug.gifbag.gif

post #48 of 77
Not trying to be the crasher here but I wanted to chime in from the other side. My kids are 10 months apart and no, it's not *quite* like having twins. Obviously. smile.gif But a lot of times it was very difficult, because while a 10 month old and a newborn are not the same developmentally, they both are still babies. I still had to triage the two of them when they cried, nurse on demand, try to get them to nap at the same time, carry them both around instead of one walking, etc. My son (the older one) was developmentally delayed so the two kids did everything almost together. They were also the same size so they swapped clothes all the time. They learned to talk at the same time, for example. (My daughter actually had her first words a few months before my son did.) They're still developmentally at the same level although my son is starting to catch up a bit with his age-mates and leaving DD behind on some things, but oh well.

I think it's a bit like the whole "I'm a married single mom" ladies don't know what it's like to be a "real" single mom. I've been both and I can say that the experiences are quite similar. I've never had twins and thus don't know what it's like, but I imagine that each has its own challenges. I for one can't imagine having TWO babies to carry when you're pregnant. On the other hand, it also sucked to be pregnant for like a year and a half straight! Or, it must be nutty hard to carry around two babies for a year. On the other hand, it's also pretty hard to tandem carry a heavier toddler and an infant - even if one will only be carried around for a shorter time.

I dunno, I'm just rambling. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I hope I haven't. redface.gif
post #49 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by seawitch View Post

Not trying to be the crasher here but I wanted to chime in from the other side. My kids are 10 months apart and no, it's not *quite* like having twins. Obviously. smile.gif But a lot of times it was very difficult, because while a 10 month old and a newborn are not the same developmentally, they both are still babies. I still had to triage the two of them when they cried, nurse on demand, try to get them to nap at the same time, carry them both around instead of one walking, etc. My son (the older one) was developmentally delayed so the two kids did everything almost together. They were also the same size so they swapped clothes all the time. They learned to talk at the same time, for example. (My daughter actually had her first words a few months before my son did.) They're still developmentally at the same level although my son is starting to catch up a bit with his age-mates and leaving DD behind on some things, but oh well.

I think it's a bit like the whole "I'm a married single mom" ladies don't know what it's like to be a "real" single mom. I've been both and I can say that the experiences are quite similar. I've never had twins and thus don't know what it's like, but I imagine that each has its own challenges. I for one can't imagine having TWO babies to carry when you're pregnant. On the other hand, it also sucked to be pregnant for like a year and a half straight! Or, it must be nutty hard to carry around two babies for a year. On the other hand, it's also pretty hard to tandem carry a heavier toddler and an infant - even if one will only be carried around for a shorter time.

I dunno, I'm just rambling. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I hope I haven't. redface.gif


I'm intrigued that you've found the "married single Mom" and "really single Mom" experiences so similar. I'm the first during the week--my husband rarely gets home before the kids go to sleep, and usually long after. I seriously thought I was going to die some days the first few years with twins! 

 

Whenever this subject comes up, I just say something to the effect of "Every parenting situation has its unique challenges, and we are all entitled to complain sometimes." Because it's true. :)

post #50 of 77

The worst comment I ever got came from a cashier at Target, who looked down at my 8 month old boys smiling up from their stroller and asked which one was the "bad one." 

 

If anyone listens to the NPR show This American Life, there was a really funny story on their recent Father's Day show about an incredibly neurotic, totally overwhelmed, father of toddler twins. He made the remark that we need to get rid of the term "twins" and just call them what they are: "two f**kin babies." lol.gif

post #51 of 77

I also had a 2yo when mine were born.  Now I have a 3yo (who is 35lbs and 39" tall) and 7mo twins.  If I walk all three in the triple stroller I get comments EVERY STINKIN TIME about my triplets.  ACK.  Are these people blind?  Does the walking, talking,over three foot tall girl in the middle look  even remotely the same age as the not-yet-sitting infants on either side? 

 

I also get the "hands full" comment about 20 times a day but it really doesn't bug me that much.  I do have my hands full.  It's unoriginal, but it is a statement of fact.   The "identical" question is less annoying with boy-boy twins, especially since we don't actually know.  It only bugs me when strangers on the street claim to know FOR SURE that they are OBVIOUSLY identical.  'cause  you can just tell by looking, after all.  

 

No one has asked me if we're done yet though.  Interesting. 

 

I also find "Now THAT is a big family" to be weird.  Because, 3 kids don't make a big family.  I mean, they're close in age so it's hard sometimes, but a family of 5 is not like super-huge enough to comment on, in my world.  

 

We're thinking of another, probably in the not-too-distant future.   I wonder how that will change the reactions.... 

post #52 of 77

Love this thread.

 

I'm so far pretty tolerant of the comments, but it's all so new.  I'd rather not be such a spectacle, I have to say - I hear people talking about us, even if they don't make comments directly to us.  But I try to make myself deal with it by considering that people just think twins are special.

 

Our most common comments:

 

- "Are they twins?"

My husband is threatening to start answering this with "no, one is a baby and one is a very short three year old"

 

- "Are they both boys?"  

Yes.  (Twice now when they've both wearing newsboy caps, which puzzles me slightly, especially since one said "Oh I couldn't tell, I couldn't see his eyes".  Right... because of the newsboy cap!  Plus, he's a baby, they look sort of unisex at this point!)

 

- "How old?"

I answer with their adjusted age to avoid a big discussion.

 

- "You must have your hands full."

I guess, but I prefer not to focus on that, as I think they're well worth it.

 

- "Oh, double trouble!"

I once just said "They're really good actually" to which I got "Oh, just wait!".

 

- "Are they always this good?"

Usually.  But see above - might as well make me depressed about the future.

 

- "Are they identical?"

Yes, and this one doesn't bother me.

 

- "Do twins run in your family?"

No, identical twins aren't generally genetic, so either I explain this or wonder whether they are just asking whether we used fertility treatments.

 

- "Better you than me..."

I guess so, since you have that attitude about it, jerk!

 

Anyway... now I have that off my chest!  Thanks!  :)

 

post #53 of 77
OGirlieMama -

Not to go too far off tangent, but as far as the real single mom vs. married single mom - I think what made the difference in my case was when I was a real single mom nothing really changed for me. Instead of H sitting in the basement while I did all the work, he was sitting in his own apartment with me doing all the work. I was already doing everything with the kids, and he didn't contribute financially before or during our separation. I had sole custody and he didn't pay child support. So, my life didn't really change. I know for some people it's a very different experience. I *definitely* feel for any mom, whether of twins or otherwise, who has to shoulder it all! Esp. moms with multiple babies in the house - whether born together or not. wink1.gif
post #54 of 77
Thread Starter 
Honestly seawitch? It's not the same, and as a mom of baby twins, I am telling you this. I am not saying having babies close together isn't difficult or doesn't have its own challenges. What I am saying is that it's annoying when strangers come up to me and say that their close together babies are *just like twins*. It's annoying to me when people do it online as well, to be honest. It doesn't even matter if it's true or not, it is really, really annoying.
Edited by annettemarie - 6/24/11 at 7:15am
post #55 of 77
Um. Sorry you're annoyed?

I would never go up to someone and say that I know JUST what it's like. Actually I wouldn't say anything at all. But I think a lot of people who do comment are just trying to find common ground.

Honestly I feel somewhat doubtful when people say that kids 20 months apart is almost the same as 10 months apart. It's not the same. But, it doesn't really *annoy* me if they say that...

I will say that I've had to seek assistance several times from Moms of Multiple advice boards because it was the only place I could find advice on how to parent my toddlers who were at the same exact developmental level... But again, sorry if my admitting that annoys you.
post #56 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smurfette2 View Post

LOL, are we talking about stupid "twin" comments?

 

I get this one a lot - ARE THEY TWINS? Uh duh nope. I just happen to have a double stroller and two infants of the same size and age with me. I've started being a smartass and now I answer this question with "no, they're sisters."

 

ARE THEY IDENTICAL? Do they look the same to you?

 

DO YOU HAVE TWINS IN YOUR FAMILY? We do now!

 

DO THEY CRY AT THE SAME TIME? Yes

 

DO THEY DO EVERYTHING THE SAME? Nope

 

WILL THEY BE IN THE SAME GRADE? I hope so

 

IS IT HARD WITH TWINS? Absolutely

 

DO YOU WANT MORE KIDS? I hate this question so much I never answer.

 

DO YOU NURSE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME? Such a personal question but I love the look of bewilderment that I always answer Yes.

 

Then I get Twin anedotes like "My cousin's boyfriend's sister has twins." "I live next door to twins." "Your twins should be baby models" "Make sure you don't refer to them as twins so that they have their own identities" and the list goes on and on...

 

I realize the morbid curiousity that occurs when you see two human beings that look alike so I'm patient and try to answer at least one question. But people don't realize we're asked these same questions all day long!



You should make them shirts that list these questions and the funny-snarky answers you can give. :D

post #57 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

Honestly seawitch? It's not the same, and as a mom of baby twins, I am telling you this. I am not saying having babies close together isn't difficult or doesn't have its own challenges. What I am saying is that it's annoying when strangers come up to me and say that their close together babies are *just like twins*. It's annoying to me when people do it online as well, to be honest. It doesn't even matter if it's true or not, it is really, really annoying.



The thing is you can ONLY speak from your own personal experience...your own personal frame of refrence. 

 

I have newborn twins...plus two toddlers..my first two little ones are 13 months and 1 day apart. I have a just turned 3 year old (he turned 3 2 days before the twins were born...June 11th) ...then have a 1 year old who is due to turn 2 next month.  Having twins is hard and having a newborn and twins is hard...but being a mom is not a pissing contest like you seem to think it is.  And for me personally the newborn and barely toddler was WAY harder. 

 

Honestly I could say the same thing to moms who only have twins and no other young children...they have it easy...How dare they campare what they are going through to what I am going through...but I won't do that because EVERYONES journey is different.   I have 4 kids 3 years and younger by choice so why should I get in a pissing contest with anyone...I made this choice and couldn't be happpier!!!

 

post #58 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nktigger99 View Post





The thing is you can ONLY speak from your own personal experience...your own personal frame of refrence. 

 

I have newborn twins...plus two toddlers..my first two little ones are 13 months and 1 day apart. I have a just turned 3 year old (he turned 3 2 days before the twins were born...June 11th) ...then have a 1 year old who is due to turn 2 next month.  Having twins is hard and having a newborn and twins is hard...but being a mom is not a pissing contest like you seem to think it is.  And for me personally the newborn and barely toddler was WAY harder. 

 

Honestly I could say the same thing to moms who only have twins and no other young children...they have it easy...How dare they campare what they are going through to what I am going through...but I won't do that because EVERYONES journey is different.   I have 4 kids 3 years and younger by choice so why should I get in a pissing contest with anyone...I made this choice and couldn't be happpier!!!

 


Actually, I don't think it's a pissing contest at all, which is why people making the initial comment bothers me. I'm trying to live my life. I don't walk up to random people and tell them how much harder my life is than theirs or offer unsolicited opinions of why our worlds are just the same. I'm just confused as to why having twins has opened this whole new world of people saying stupid things to me.

And FWIW, I say all the times that I don't know how moms with twins do it without older kids. I know how blessed I am to have my oldest two to help. Moms who do it without big kids to help or with younger kids deserve a freaking medal in my opinion. I would never even try to compare the situations.

ETA: Also, just to clarify, you kind of proved my point. I don't think I ever used the words easier, harder, etc. I said IT WASN'T THE SAME. And it isn't.
post #59 of 77

im sure this has been posted before, but it is so fitting for this thread it bears posting again

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE

 

 

i know that folks are just asking things becasue they want to "connect" or some crap like that, but i dont owe them a twin "experience". 

 

i admit to getting snarkier as time goes by

 

 

my least favorite comments:

 my best responses so far:
   
are they natural? not sure we haven't tested for that yet
double trouble twice as nice!
are they identical no that one has a penis
do twins run in your family? no we keep them locked up
a girl and a boy, how perfect! yeah cause 2 of either would have been such a bummer?
one of each, great your done! thanks for deciding that
are you getting much sleep? i go to bed dozens of times a day
twins? no i stole one

 

post #60 of 77


lol!!! Not a twin mom... but this comment drives me nuts as well. My kids are 16 months apart-- and NO it's not like having twins. I have 2 babies, but it is totally different than having twins. I dno't know if it's harder or easier-- but at least at this age, it's a completely different experience with different issues. Maybe as they get older I'll feel differently?

 

 

I also get asked if they are twins.

 

um... my son is twice the size of my daughter?

Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

how their two children who are close in age are Just. Like. Twins. I may have to get violent.

I can't believe I thought the hardest part about having twins would be caring for twins. By far, the hardest part is the stupid comments.


 

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