If one more person tells me... - Page 4

[Maryan]

- "Do twins run in your family?"

Yes, they never walk.

Well, I have forgotten a lot of the comments. But we had the indeed. I was thinking about making myself a t-shirt that says something like this:

"Yes, they are identical.

They are both boys.

There are no other twins in our family

I do nurse them both

I can tell them apart

They have different names

They are a great blessing to us

They give us more than double joy

I am proud to be a mother of twins."

My kids are half black, half white and I often get the question whether they're adopted. But the best one was this old lady stopping us in the grocery shop saying: "You haven't bought them here!"

And I answered her: "No, they don't sell babies in the grocery shop."

[nktigger99]

Originally Posted by texmati 

I also get asked if they are twins.

um... my son is twice the size of my daughter?

LOL...get used to it.  I get asked ALL the time if my two older kids are twins...even when my daughter was tiny and my son was close to 30 pounds...umm ya they are twins...one just happens to have really-really stunted growth..and one can't even sit up while the other can run everwhere.  We still get it...actually happened last night when we went out to eat...but I will give the people some credit now though...the kids are very close in weight and height even though there is 13 months between them.  Of course now we just say No but the two babies right there are twins...lol 

[Llyra]

i know that folks are just asking things becasue they want to "connect" or some crap like that, but i dont owe them a twin "experience".

Yeah. Yeah, that's it exactly. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I enjoyed the attention. Especially at first. But it got so that every single time we went anywhere at all, we had to stop and let somebody else get their chance to glow in the reflected light, and it was damn irritating. I wanted to be able to go buy milk without having to put on a show. Even now, we get way more attention than the other families with children I see around us, and I get so tired of it.

I think I deserve the chance to talk about how hard it was, as payback for all the time I've spent standing around in public being everybody's entertainment for the day.

Which is probably not the happiest, most cooperative and generous attitude. I didn't have my kids so I could be a celebrity.

[Tigerchild]

Also annoying is when people come on a parents of multiples board to scold the parents of multiples for being annoyed at the dumb things people say to parents of multiples while simultaneous claiming a connection with them.

Just sayin'.

Look, the whole purpose of the thread was to express frustration at the idea that "I have closely spaced kids, that's just like having twins!";  when you come on the thread to say "that shouldn't be annoying, 'cause I do think it's similar and not annoying", you probably shouldn't then get miffed when someone says, "Yep, that's annoying."

That's like someone saying on the only child support thread, "I know what it's like to parent an only child and deal with people making comments--I had an only child for 18 whole months until I had my second!".  and then being surprised that people are mildly irritated by that!

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild 

Also annoying is when people come on a parents of multiples board to scold the parents of multiples for being annoyed at the dumb things people say to parents of multiples while simultaneous claiming a connection with them.

Just sayin'.

Look, the whole purpose of the thread was to express frustration at the idea that "I have closely spaced kids, that's just like having twins!";  when you come on the thread to say "that shouldn't be annoying, 'cause I do think it's similar and not annoying", you probably shouldn't then get miffed when someone says, "Yep, that's annoying."

That's like someone saying on the only child support thread, "I know what it's like to parent an only child and deal with people making comments--I had an only child for 18 whole months until I had my second!".  and then being surprised that people are mildly irritated by that!

*smooches you*

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by Llyra 

i know that folks are just asking things becasue they want to "connect" or some crap like that, but i dont owe them a twin "experience".

Yeah. Yeah, that's it exactly. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I enjoyed the attention. Especially at first. But it got so that every single time we went anywhere at all, we had to stop and let somebody else get their chance to glow in the reflected light, and it was damn irritating. I wanted to be able to go buy milk without having to put on a show. Even now, we get way more attention than the other families with children I see around us, and I get so tired of it.

I think I deserve the chance to talk about how hard it was, as payback for all the time I've spent standing around in public being everybody's entertainment for the day.

Which is probably not the happiest, most cooperative and generous attitude. I didn't have my kids so I could be a celebrity.

*smooches you too*

[hergrace]

Originally Posted by texmati 

I also get asked if they are twins.

um... my son is twice the size of my daughter?

A friend of mine has boy/girl 3-year old twins and the boy is twice the size of the girl. Let me tell you, she gets fed up with people telling her they can't be twins because he is so much bigger.

I also have a friend with twins who don't share a birthday and she gets fed up with the "well they can't really be twins" comments, too.
 

[mom_of_steele]

UGH! Sadly, I have heard this comment from my own MOM a ton! Me and my two sisters are 18 months apart to the day (except I'm one day off haha) and she swears my 2 year old and newborn twins couldn't have been any harder than her 3 year old, 18 month old and newborn! I have always wondered...I dunno. She must be a much better mom than me if that's the case cause I can barely handle thing right now with them being 20 months and my daughter being 3. She is always freaking out because they are into this thing or that thing at her house and is CONSTANTLY saying "well when I had you 3...I never let you out of my sight...you guys knew better, I had more control..." blah blah blah. I love my mom to death, but I swear...it just makes me feel like a bad mom!
 

Originally Posted by mauri456 

I do agree that folks are just trying to chat and relate.   It's just frustrating b/c with babies it's hard enough to even get everyone dressed, fed, happy, and out!!! You know you have a small window to do what you need to do!  And then you get stopped every 2 seconds by people saying the same thing over and over again.  The spectacle part really is  annoying. I feel like I've gotten better with it and am starting to try and take it more as a compliment/amazement in my sweet babies than anything else.   But I also really feel bad for my poor three year old too who is SO TIRED of the comments.   She acts up now when someone says is it twins and I know it has to hurt her a bit that everyone is so interested in the babies and then the second thought is her :(  I always try and bring her up quickly so the attention can be redirected to her a bit.

Originally Posted by mauri456 

But people do love to say - oh I had a 15/16/17/18 month old and newborn - it is the same/harder than your twins.   BLAH.   I hate that comment too... I just nod b/c what else can you do?

[~bookcase~]

ok, don't smack me, but my first two were 10 months apart, then i had just under and just over a two year gap for the next two, then a 4 year gap before twins - and the 10 month gap was pretty similar to the twin thing. the main difference has been the feeding. i bottle fed my first child after a while as my milk quickly returned to drops of colostrum (due to preg) and wasn't sufficient to nourish a 4 month old (picture constant crying for 3 weeks before realising it just wasn't going to work!!!) with the twins i b'fed them which is HARD WORK! but other than that, in both situations, i had about 3 years of really, really hard work with very similar needs from two children at a time, and sometimes it *was* harder with the 10 months apart gap. (we're not quite at 3 with the twins but can see it's following similar pattern of easing off as with the first two iyswim)

i personally feel really compassionate towards mamas who have children under a year spaced because they don't even get the sympathy that mums of multiples do from time to time. it's just like, WHY did you have another baby so SOOON - like some kind of accusation about how screwed up we are. lol. at least with twins it's easier to blame 'fate'

[ChaoticMum]

I'm with ~bookcase~ - I had 3 babes in 3 yrs - and then a gap before the twins came along.  I would take the twins over the 3 kids in 3yrs in a heartbeat. So similar in everything - you are torn in many different directions - Child 1 needs her bum changed just as Child 2 puked and Child 3 is starving and needs a boob RIGHT NOW - but honestly for me much more difficult since I could put the twins on the same schedule and I was blessed that they pooped and slept and ate at the same times. Still do at 22mths of age.

That being said, its not up to me, or Miss J down the street, or the church secretary to compare what THEY went through with twins to what I went through with 3 kids in 3 years, or for me to compare my 3 kids in 3 yrs to someone else's experience with twins.  We all have different experiences and we are all entitled to our own opinions on what bothers us.  And we're all entitled to express that opinion - as long as we realize that it is just that - an opinion. Just because we feel it doesn't mean its the be all to end all.

[Super~Single~Mama]

This is OT slightly, but me and my brother are 6mo apart (he was adopted and came home at 3mo, and I was born 3mo later).  My mom got so sick of people asking her if we were twins that she just started saying "Yes!" - and then the person who asked would get puzzled b/c my older brother is Korean, and I am white.  LOL

Also, Annettemarie - they just keep getting cuter!!  Seeing your avatar of them makes me want twins.....but not right now, maybe in a few years when things have settled down a bit!

[mylilmonkeys]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

This is OT slightly, but me and my brother are 6mo apart (he was adopted and came home at 3mo, and I was born 3mo later).  My mom got so sick of people asking her if we were twins that she just started saying "Yes!" - and then the person who asked would get puzzled b/c my older brother is Korean, and I am white.  LOL

THAT is just hilarious!  LOL
 

[Spring Lily]

A friend of mine has kids who are 15 months apart, and she was always annoyed at the attention I got for my twins when they were babies. She said more than once that her situation was harder (despite the fact I had a 2 yr old as well!) and that having babies 15 months apart "trumps" parenting twins and a toddler. Yeah....we're not really friends anymore. I think for some people it is a contest. the "Who Has it Worse Martyr Game".

Originally Posted by Llyra 


Yeah. Yeah, that's it exactly. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I enjoyed the attention. Especially at first. But it got so that every single time we went anywhere at all, we had to stop and let somebody else get their chance to glow in the reflected light, and it was damn irritating. I wanted to be able to go buy milk without having to put on a show. Even now, we get way more attention than the other families with children I see around us, and I get so tired of it.

I think I deserve the chance to talk about how hard it was, as payback for all the time I've spent standing around in public being everybody's entertainment for the day.

Which is probably not the happiest, most cooperative and generous attitude. I didn't have my kids so I could be a celebrity.

This is sooo true. And I think it's one of the major differences between having twins and kids of different ages. It's hard for parents of singletons to understand what it's like to get that kind of attention every time you go out. I remember a good day would be only getting stopped once or twice in the grocery store. It was more normal for people to block my path so I couldn't get by, so they could interrogate me. The worst day was when I was just trying to buy some eggs and a crowd gathered around the stroller and it actually fell down on top of my 2 year old, with the babies in it. That still upsets me to think about. My singleton mom friends were stunned by the story, my twinmom friends were not shocked. The issues are just...different when you have twins.

The comments have slowed down, I'm not longer getting accosted in the grocery store about whether I did IVF and how many drugs I took. Or having people make rude comments from people walking by about fertility medicine being selfish. Or having to explain over and over that you can't have boy/girl twins who are identical. It is so nice to go out now without having to answer questions every time. I did get much better about not making eye contact and just smiling and continuing to walk, instead of getting pulled into conversation.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

This is OT slightly, but me and my brother are 6mo apart (he was adopted and came home at 3mo, and I was born 3mo later).  My mom got so sick of people asking her if we were twins that she just started saying "Yes!" - and then the person who asked would get puzzled b/c my older brother is Korean, and I am white.  LOL

I got asked THREE times the other day by strangers during one restaurant meal if my boys are twins. When you have adopted kids (or one bio, one adopted) it really puts you in a weird spot. I want to start saying "yep, twins!" just to not have to field more questions. But it feels weird to outright lie like that, esp since we never refer to them as twins, and they dont look alike at all. But if i say "no" the next question is invariably "Oh, how far apart are they??" and a look of confusion when i say "two weeks!" I dont feel like a "mom of twins" (one of my sons joined our family at three weeks old, the other at nearly 17 months old so i didnt have to deal with two babies in the middle of the night, etc) and yet have many of the same issues as well. I think this issue is similar to any issue that makes you stand out (my oldest son has very red hair, we got comments every.single.time.we.went.out about his hair, do these people think they are the FIRST to notice he has red hair??? grrr), i've got three children adopted transracially, so im used to nosy strangers. Whether your child is a twin, or has a disability, or is strikingly beautiful, or very tall, or very small...whatever...people are just nosy. I think some are just trying to be friendly, some are intrusive, some are rude.

That being said the comment "its just like...." is weird. No two experiences are the same. Maybe if a mom said "mine are 10 months apart, its hard having more than one little one at a time isnt it?!" or some such thing it might be less irritating to twin moms than saying "its JUST LIKE having twins!" because no its not. Before my last son came home i had a little girl who was about three or four months younger than my son, and at a different dev. stage, and i found it much harder than having the two boys who can play well together and relate to one another. But so much could account for that other than age (such as personality), so why even compare.

Do people really ask twin moms if their babies have the same name?? that is so bizarre! People are weird!

[~bookcase~]

Originally Posted by ChaoticMum 
We all have different experiences and we are all entitled to our own opinions on what bothers us.  And we're all entitled to express that opinion - as long as we realize that it is just that - an opinion.

Yes this

and I guess what we ALL want is - recognition

[J's Mombee]

I had to :lol when I read your post, because I actually thought this 2 years ago when I visited a friend.  I was so excited to meet the new babies, but after visiting my sister in law 2 years prior, I did not think that I was cut out for twins.  I wanted to help and offered as much as I could during the visit.  I only thought the words, "better you than me," but I didn't say a world.  In retrospect I told her that I was her biggest fan for holding it all together so well.  DH and I had been TTC, but for some reason, it never occurred to me that I could be carrying twins.  We have over 13 sets of twins in my family, but I never thought about it as a possible outcome, :lol.

I am now a mom of 3 month old amazing twins and a brilliant little 5 year old.  I hadn't clue that parenting my party of 3 would be so much fun or so humbling.  I am happy that I got the opportunity to see for myself and I am so thankful.  Sadly, I am also annoyed by people actually verbalizing the "better you than me" statement too... at least I kept my mouth shut.

Originally Posted by teamla 

- "Better you than me..."

I guess so, since you have that attitude about it, jerk!

[OGirlieMama]

This is sort of random but falls in the "stupid things people say" category, so I'm throwing it in. I've had a lot of people comment to me on how they see a lot of twins these days, and I've heard more than a few times "twins are really popular these days." 

I know what people are trying to say, but there's something hilarious and very very wrong about the implication of that word!