Feeling bad for my ds

[waiting2bemommy]

I guess I'm just feeling bad for ds.....lately we having been having more and more issues with his rambunctiousness and his "off" behavior driving other kids away.

Granted, he still does have some positive interactions. I babysit for a very laid back, fun kinda crazy homeschooling family and their children seem to more or less roll with the punches regarding ds. They get annoyed from time to time but they don't shun ds or treat him cruelly, they just roll their eyes and tell him to QUIT IT. lol. We also have family friends who have known us for years since before ds was born, and theyir kids are older. They treat ds kind of like a little brother or nephew and tolerate his antics with love. I am deeply grateful for this and I don't mean to minimize it.

But other than that ds has so much trouble with other kids. He is highly intelligent but nothing I say to him seems to sink in. He is getting wilder and wilder and it just makes his odd behaviors and verbal antics that much more apparent. The nieghborhood kids tell him to go away becvause he's weird and makes no sense. SO was so mad about how they treated him but I told him that they are just kids, and there really isn't much that can be done. Ds hates when I interfere in his social interactions. I try to getly suggest, "ds let's all talk about trucks, since that's what C is talking about." Ds will reply "trucks? mucks, lucks ducks, shucks,...."etc and then run off sticking his tongue out and flinging spit everywhere.

I KNOW he's not a "bad" kid. I don't believe that this is a discipline issue. He is getting more and more impulsive and seems to lack any ability to stop himself or control his verbal "stims" I guess. He is dx'd with Asperger's and ADHD. But he also goes from happy to angry in zero seconds flat. He reacts with such force to being challenged and even when he's apparently happy will say with a smile things like "what if I hit you with this stick? Will you bleed? I want to see you bleed and cry and go to the hospital." It's so bizarre. Then 5 seconds later he is jumping all over the same person he directed that at, be it me, SO, or one of his friends, and wanting to play around and be silly.

A couple days ago someone asked me if I thought he was bipolar, because his behavior was so bizarre. I was upset and was telling SO about it and he admitted that he has wondered that too. How could a 3 year old be bipolar?

We are looking into social skills classes for him geared towards kids on the spectrum. I don't isolate him, ever, and I try to give him plenty of opportunities to interact with a vrariety of people. But even adults, who used to think he was cute/precocious, now slowly back away when he starts talking. He makes no sense. Or he rambles on about the same topic for ages, or asks infintie questions, often the same question over an d over and over, for hours sometimes if you let him. I feel so embarrassed and I want to shout that this is not my child, he is much smarter than this and he really knows a lot, and he knows how to talk and please don't judge him!

Today he was looking out the window at some kids playing and I asked if he wanted to go out and he said no. Usually he gets excited to see kids, and he calls any kid his friend, so I asked again, "don't you want to play amd make some friends?" His reply, "no, and don't talk to me anymore. You and Daddy are my friends, let's play." And he started slamming things and throwing himself all over the furniture. He doesn't want to be rejected. :(

I just feel so bad for him. I don't know how else to help him. And it's frightening to think that people are already labeling my child in their mind with a serious mental disorder.

[Emmeline II]

A 3 year old can show signs of bipolar, but iirc that is not the case here (this article explains the difference between bipolar and ADHD in young children http://news.wustl.edu/news/Pages/6244.aspx).  We had to watch ds at the playground like a hawk at that age, also with his cousins; Kindergarten was horrible. I actually avoided putting him in groups of children because I didn't want him to constantly experience that negative reaction (or that he might hurt them); he was more likely to succeed in one on one situations.

But a great thing happened this week--we were at the pool and ds (7yo) actually had children playing with him, and I didn't have to intervene; though he had showed steady improvement as school since spring break. We found an ADHD medication that works for him and since I realized it shouldn't be given with OJ, it is working perfectly for him.

You may want to work with a cognitive behavioral therapist while you are looking for a social skills class; a therapist can also help you figure out how best to work with your son within his abilities. With ADHD (and it may be true of Asperger's as well) your child is working with a maturity deficit of about 30%; so your 3yo is working with the skill set of a younger child.

Edited by Emmeline II - 6/6/11 at 4:34am

[BetsyNY]

ALL of that--all of it--sounds in line with Asperger-type behavior. My son is PDD-NOS (most likely Asperger's will be the final dx)--he spits and perseverates on words--he's also hyperlexic. 

Whoever asked you if your kid was BP doesn't understand either BP or Asperger's. I am BP and I'm concerned about my other son (the NT one). BP kids cycle much like BP adults do, only they can cycle many times in one day. That's kind of oversimplifying, and I'm not a doctor, but even before I saw your son's dx was Asperger's, I was thinking to myself "that doesn't sound BP, that sounds like Asperger's", esp things like word repetition, playing with spit, saying bizarre things, etc. So don't fret. 

[waiting2bemommy]

Thanks for the reassurance. Ds sounded out a word today totally on his own and we made a HUGE deal about it and got really excited, and he was clearly pleased with himself. I love moments like that. I just wish the world was kinder to people who don't quite fit in the box.

One other thing, which I will ask at our next appt but that is not for quite a while since he is on vacation: is it typical for the behaviors to get more pronounced as they get older? I was under the impression that kids with Asperger's showed signs of regression early, and that with intervention you could prevent it from getting worse.

I know we need to get stricter about his diet....he has been sneaking forbidden things lately and with the new pregnancy I've been too tired/sick to enforce it like I should. Just something else for me to work on. I am thinking about going back on meds myself.....I'm just not as good/involved/consistent a parent without them. :(