I am actually posting this for my sister. She has 4 boys, eldest will be 13 in September, then 10, 6 and 2, the eldest boy, I think is just going through all things teenage - but as I don't have a teenager then i could be completely wrong!
This weekend they went to stay with my parents, he sulked about saying that everything was boring etc (his gran didn't help by telling him that if he thought everything was boring then he must be a boring person - I did point out that this probably wasn't the most helpful and confidence boosting information he could hear - she took the point - better late than never!), not unusual for a boy of his age - or that's what I thought, but then later on my sister went on to say that whenever he doesn't get his own way he starts to hurt his brothers, not the youngest mind you, but the 10 yo especially, he waits till he thinks no one is watching and then lays into him, really hurting so much so that the 10yo has had bruises and marks from him. I remember once when I was driving with my kids in the car and sis's three eldest boys, my ds had a real anger burst, furious - I've never seen him like that before - he was nearly two, he climbed out of his car seat and screamed and yelled, I had to change all the seating over and found out that 13yo had bit ds's finger - he denied - swore blind it wasn't him it but then the teeth marks were there and my ds's raction was proof enough, I made it very clear that that sort of thing was never to happen again and for the rest of the 7 days I don't think that there was a situation - but then now I'm not sure; if the 10yo doesn't say anything - in fact it's very similar to my childhood with my sister, hmm that's now made me think .....
The thing is when he wants to be good he is the sweestest kindest boy on the block, really an angel, at school he has nothing but fantastic reports, but at home; and I know that at home we feel safest to let our feelings go etc, she's tried the Faber Mazlish techniques, she's tried time out, this weekend she put in time out in the car so that he couldn't hurt the other kids he put the lights, radio etc on and ran the battery down, her response now is 'but what can I do?' it's almost as if she has given up completely with him.
Just to expand a little, she and her dh who suffers from depression went through an extremely difficult period last year, his depression, not working for 6 months (sick pay) money being tight, the house needing doing up, fighting, disinterested father etc obviously the boys went through it too, but how to get the wonderful kind boy that we know to come out more ad leave the nasty one behind - I wonder.
Sis is worried that later on he would be the sort of man who would marry and then hurt his wife and kids - I'm not there yet, but then again I don't live with him all the time either, obviously there are more situations that have come up but it would be a really long post and this is long enough!! If anyone has any information or thoughts or advice both sis and I would really appreciate it, psy? therapy? let us know your thoughts.
And if you've got this far thanks - it was a bit of a mega post!