i have a terrible crush on jake gyllenhaal. 
Hello! I've been on the cusp of single parenthood for a long time, lived with my mom for several months before reconciling with my ex, then we called it quits way last summer but still lived together (ie planned to split but weren't dating other people) until this spring. . I've been in my own place for about a month and a half now, and I love it, though I am on very rocky ground financially and just don't have solid footing anywhere in sight. So that's one strike against me being ready to date, but wow I need male attention! An acquaintance from college/ friend of a friend who is randomly now a coworker piqued my interest earlier in the month, but he is waiting around for someone else to make up her mind so I stepped right back down from that one. Then suddenly, this past weekend, an old flame was rekindled and wow was it intense as ever. I have no idea how to date, what to expect, how a relationship progresses, etc. Scary! lol.
I'm finally back. I've been super busy with wrapping up and presenting my research, college graduation (yay, biology!!), my 2.5 yr old not having daycare for the summer, being outside and enjoying this gorgeous weather with new friends....
SoccerCoach, the super incredible everything-in-common single dad who moved in with me 2 weeks ago is no longer in the picture. He put up an act that he couldn't keep up 24/7, so once he moved in the whole shebang came crashing down. He was a vegetarian (eats meat), he quit smoking last year (he smokes), he's super active (a chore to get him out of bed before noon), he's clean and neat (always left a mess in the kitchen), he loves gardening and growing his own food (black thumb), he prefers to ride a bike to driving a car (never once mentioned it, I had to suggest it or he never would have ridden a bike while here), digs attachment parenting (more like Hitler for children), a man of his word (rarely followed through with what he said he'd do) lol........ and the list goes on and on and on and on. This guy is addicted to arguing, but when we were dating he was always the person with the mask, so kind and easy going. Living with him I realized I'd never be able to have a functional relationship with him. And we had both agreed that it was going to be on a "trial basis." So this past Saturday he flipped out because he was loosing at Scrabble and he didn't have a word......that was the last drop. Such immaturity and lack of self-control.....really....Scrabble?! And he turned it into a full blown argument, well, he tried....I couldn't help but laugh. That night I handed him my laptop after I had made him a u-haul reservation to pick up a moving truck on Monday. I told him to fill in the payment section with his credit card info and that things weren't working out, and he should move out on Monday. He agreed. Sunday night the apologies and pleading, the promises of behaving better, accepting fault in having lied to me about what he was really like, etc. took place. But it was so blatantly obvious that we would never work out in the long run that it was easy to stand my ground. So he moved out yesterday. He came to get a few things that he left behind today and I didn't even give him a chance to talk. Handed him his things, small talk for 2 seconds to be cordial, and bye have a nice night. Weird thing is; he's staying in my little city. He had moved here from the big city (he has family there) and now he's staying here. It's a wonderful little city, but I wasn't expecting him to stay. He had registered in school here and is all set to go for fall classes, so he told me he's too lazy to start the whole fin aid process and paperwork at a different college. Whatever. I'm feeling great about having ended the relationship. But feeling really stupid and naive about not having been able to see through his bullsh$t. This hasn't been the first time someone has painted themselves out to be a certain way, for me to later discover it was just a front to get me to like them. A single Mama from here suggested "If the Buddah dated," and I read it a few months back. Now I'm thinking back on all the great advice in that little book. :) Thanks to whomever recommended it!
Does anyone have any practical advice on how to spot a liar/impostor?
Other than that, I'm keeping busy with my little one, working on my research, getting ready for grad school in the Spring (GREs, finishing the application, etc.), tending my plots at the community garden, volunteering for food not bombs....just going back to life as it was before SoccerCoach.
Does anyone have any practical advice on how to spot a liar/impostor?
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-12-signs-youre-dating-a-loser/
http://www.askapril.com/dating-tips-how-to-know-your-dating-a-loser-1025.html (this one is specifically about liars!)
http://www.firstloveyou.com/dating-a-loser.html (dunno how helpful this one is, but it's funny! includes "Ditch The Stalker Mini-Guide")
http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/loser/ (more serious, this is the one i was thinking of, although it is geared more toward abusive losers . . . which your guy may very well have turned out to be, so don't feel stupid - feel smart for ending it when you did!!!)
Back with an update. :) The flame seems to be sticking, on the way to something steady. We touched base on Monday and just exchanged a few nods over facebook during the week (both working full-time). I was itching to hear from him as the weekend drew near, finally initiated contact with a text on Friday evening and he later called me back; after a forty five minute conversation we decided to get together even though by then it was the middle of the night :P So we're pretty much doing the same thing this weekend that we did last... meeting again tomorrow night (when the little one is with her dad). I feel great about it, but let uncertainty and doubt creep in at times. It's so intense and pleasurable I'm scared, ya know? That I'll become dependent on it and get hurt, or make poor decisions, or just screw it up... some combination of the above. I guess it sounds pretty lusty. It is. But he's also a genuinely nice guy, and it's already clear that we are both way better at communicating than we were the first time around, five years ago (we're still young, we were very young then). So I have high hopes, but moderate expectations... as long as I can keep my head on straight, I will have no regrets even if this doesn't evolve into the long term thing I eventually want.
I definitely still need to work on loving and valuing myself, thanks for the links, doubledutch! 
Thanks ladies. Those links were helpful, Doubledutch! Mimim, I'll try to look at it that way so as to be a little kinder to myself.
I'm back where I was before him. Doing things with my friends, volunteering, growing food in the community garden....my little one loves to go and pick her own strawberries. <3
I found out through a friend that he's talking poop about me and telling my friends he dumped me because I'm crazy 
I honestly feel bad for him at this point. He sent me a very mean (curse words and all) email this morning at 5am. I think he's just trying to get a reaction from me. But he's wasting his time because I don't play games and he's never gonna get one. I saved the email in a special folder should I ever need it (legal reasons maybe? idk, something told me to save it just in case).
Anyway, I volunteered my kitchen today for food not bombs and all the food came out delish! Got to meet up with some new people and other friends. And Monday will put me back in the usual M-F work routine. My little one started with a new nanny and they've totally hit it off! 
Hope everyone has a splendid week!
Wow- so much going on here! Can you believe it is already the end of June? Soon we'll have to start a July thread!
I am still seeing Bad Boy. In fact we saw each other twice this weekend- unprecendented! I went to his house for the first time. And met his son- by accident- he didn't call to say he was on his way home like he was supposed to. Luckily we were decent by then. LOL. Surprisingly both days were very pleasant and involved many hours spent together. I still don't see this as a "forever" kind of thing but I am enjoying it in more ways than one now!
I do need to have a talk with him though. The night we had our "date" where I said I was bored and wasn't sure this would work out- he had asked me how the online dating was going. I said I wasn't on much- no time- which was true. But I didn't tell him that I had been talking to two other guys since around the time he and I started talking. He has made comments in a joking way about my other boyfriends- and he has talked about a woman he dated who was dating someone else at the same time- and how much he was hurt by that relationship. So I need to tell him where I stand very clearly. I have no problem doing that- should've done it one of the times he brought this stuff up- but honestly- it took me a while to realize that he is probably trying to figure out where he stands here. So now I just have to figure out how to bring it up. Or wait till he brings it up again.
Oh yeah- and I met respectable dad. We met for a late lunch and a drink. We have a lot in common. It was kind of funny. As we were talking I found myself saying me too or me neither quite a bit- and he did the same. It was a pleasant lunch. Not sure what's next with him. I texted him the next day to see how he was and we chatted a little. I think I am going to step back and wait for him to initiate next. If he's interested enough to maintain contact then I will continue- otherwise I may just let it go. That's how I'm feeling right now anyway. I can't juggle two guys- I'd have to start lying and that's just too hard!
Yep there is loads going on here! Lorena, I am sorry things didn't work out, that sounds really rough. Hugs to you! Turtle2who, sounds a bit complicated with the two guys thing...I've been in similar situations before and it was hurtful for all concerned in the end, but it can happen so easily! Think honesty is def the best thing....
Summer is turning out pretty good for me... I have met someone amazing and am really excited, as well as terrified! I actually met him a year ago and we connected a little bit (at a camping holiday), but for some reason I didn't think he'd be interested in me because he's 14 years older than me (this was before I dated LCG who was 25 yrs older than me, and realised this is really not a prob for most guys ;)) and because he lives 2 1/2 hours away. A month after we met last year, he contacted me on a dating site we were both on - we were a match on the site - and I replied but that was that. i thought he was just saying hi because we'd met IRL and still didn't think he was interested. Anyway at the same camping holiday last week, we connected again and it soon became apparent he really likes me... and before that, I realised how much I liked him when I saw him being affectionate with a female friend and wondered if she was his girlfriend, and felt my heart sink at the thought that she might be (she turned out not to be). Anyway I shall call him the Carpenter - and the freaky thing is, on my soulmate manifestation list I actually have something about having a yurt together,and he just happens to build yurts! He also ticks every other box on my list except living close by... but we've talked about how we are both looking for somewhere else to live and feel like where we are now is not 'it'...we've been in contact several times a day since I returned from the camping holiday (email and Skype), and we are meeting sort of half way in another city this weekend, where we both happen to be going for other reasons but have some spare time to connect. I'm both excited and nervous!
He is warm, affectionate, soft, funny, loving - I've seen him with kids, he has a lot of kids in his life although none of his own, and he's really loving and patient with them - and really into spiritual growth and being in nature, but also very grounded. A few people at the holiday know him well too and were singing his praises. He's been very honest and open with me about his feelings and I love that I don't feel that insecurity I had with LCG and others, of always wondering what's really going on... and I really respect him for the fact that he hasn't tried to take things further than kissing and cuddling despite our obvious attraction to each other, and opportunities to do a lot more....it makes me feel like he sees all of me and not just a sexual object. He confessed that he had looked me up on FB and looked at my pictures on there every now and then over the last year, (we weren't FB friends but you can see pics that other friends have posted), and I thought that was really sweet (rather than stalker-ish). It feels like the time is right...I'm so over 'bad boys' and LCG was such a catalyst to realising how much trouble I have letting love in. So this is scary...someone who is really 'there' and real and open and not just flattering me and saying the right things to get me in bed.
So....watch this space! I have a good feeling about this one ;)
Mimim, I'd give him a chance to mellow out. He might have been nervous, or he might have a lot to say at first, but might quiet down a bit once he gets all the main stuff out of the way. ? Or not :)
Devaya, Carpenter sounds great! I hope you 2 enjoy each other's company while you get to know each other better. He sounds like a great guy, from your description. :) Good luck!
As for me....I will be getting together with my friends on Wed evening and I'm sure they will ask about the whole SoccerCoach closing chapter. Some of them have asked to set me up on dates, but I'm really not interested at the time. I might be interested in a flipper, though...... 
if you're on the private dating thread, then you already know this, but . . .
i had lunch today with a guy friend. it was really nice, but i'm not sure if it was a date or not. even if not? i still kinda think something could happen there. i hope so - i need some fun. oh, we ate at a vietnamese restaurant, and my fortune cookie said something like, "your love life will be happy and harmonious." so that was awesome, lol.
Both! I crave so much attention. For a day or two before & after seeing him, it's like I'm wrapped in a warm blanket, ya know? Now it's mid week, I know I probably won't hear from him for a couple more days, and I just want to be held, lol.
I bring it up kinda early, I guess, casually.
He suggested that we have a picnic and late night swim at the lake tonight and I really can't think of anything I'd enjoy more. I've already changed my mind about 3 times on which swimsuit I will wear and it's been ages since I did anything other than pull on random clothes and trip on out the door at the last second for a date. Swooning a little. Hope I don't end up disappointed again.
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