Is nearly 3 yrs old an acceptable time to help toddler learn to fall asleep on her own?

[JanineRivera]

Hello Moms,

My dd will be 3 in August and has always fallen asleep with either me our my DH laying by her side.  I am now 6 months pregnant with twins and would like to see my dd be able to fall asleep on her own especially at nap time since I don't see how I can lay down with her and take care of twins at the same time???  Any suggestions?  Is this a reasonable expectation?  Here is some background that might help: She does sleep in her own bed in her own room as of a couple of months ago.  She sleeps pretty well until early morning then crawls in to bed with us.

Thanks for your wisdom!

[nextcommercial]

It certainly isn't inappropriate at all.   Most well adjusted adults were putting themselves to sleep long before age three.  In fact, I don't know a single adult who said "I would be a better person if my mother had rocked me to sleep til I was six".  (that sound like I'm saying the non well adjusted adults were having mom or dad lay down with them til five or six... that's not how I meant it to sound)

But, that doesn't make it easy to do.  She's been going to sleep the same way her whole entire life.  This is just how it's done.  I doubt it has occurred to her that there's another way.  

It's definately worth trying though, and not expecting too much at all... just be patient.

[APToddlerMama]

 I'm in your same boat with a three year old except expecting a single baby and not twins.  I wasn't really planning on dealing with it until the month before I'm due and hoping DH can step in at bed time, but with twins and nap time, I can see how it would be different.  My three year old quit napping a long time ago.  What about putting on a book on tape or something at naptime and coming in periodically to check on her until she falls asleep?  Or one of those white noise machines that does the projection on the ceiling like this :

http://www.amazon.com/Homedics-SS-3000-Soundspa-Lullaby-White/dp/B000QTSW64/ref=sr_1_4?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1307392410&sr=1-4 

I have only read the No Cry Sleep Solution for infants book (which was fantastic), but I think she has a No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers too that works on falling asleep alone. 

[Katico]

Oh gosh yes, it's okay!  DD slept in our bed until about 20 months and we moved her into her own bed.  She loved it and gets excited about bedtime.  Make it predictable, with lots of routine and pleasant associations and she will be fine!
 

Here's our routine,

bath (or just washing up a bit)

Jammies

Teeth brushed

hugs with Daddy

Snuggles with Mama

Into her bed with a rather specific lineup of stuffed animals, water bottle and several books 

Kisses and spinning her mobile

She took to it very fast and loves her bed and time in there "reading" books to her teddy bear until she falls asleep 

ETA: We did have a few tears the first few nights.  We were firm that it was bedtime and we tucked her back in every time she was up.  If she was crying, I went in every 7 or 8 min to tuck her back in and say goodnight again.  She quickly settled into it

[JanineRivera]

Thanks for the encouragement ladies.   I tried the no-cry sleep solution for babies when my dd was small without much luck but I will check out the one for toddlers ... I need some ideas.  I am thinking that it is only gonna get harder as she gets older.  I am just wondering if I should sit next to her at first while she falls asleep and slowly move my out the door or do I just say goodnight after our bedtime routine and walk out of the room coming back in as many times as it takes until she falls asleep?  I have a feeling she won't stay in her bed if I walk out before she is asleep.  I also should mention we have been experiencing some sleep issues the last few few days with naps getting shorter and waking again at night, ugh!   I am a mommy losing her patience:(  I know it is going to take some time and patience I just don't know where to start!?

[APToddlerMama]

One other idea-- What about dropping the nap?  Does she really need it?  Then you wouldn't have to worry about getting her down at nap time and could instead have some sort of quiet time, and she'd probably be a breeze to put down to sleep at night.  It took my son about a month to adjust to dropping his nap (around age 2), but it was worth it because no more bedtime/naptime battles.  A lot of three year olds really don't need their naps anymore, and while it seems horrible to not have that daytime break, quiet time can help, and for us the trade off of easy bedtimes and more sleep at night were worth it a hundred times over. 

[Katico]

Originally Posted by JanineRivera 

Thanks for the encouragement ladies.   I tried the no-cry sleep solution for babies when my dd was small without much luck but I will check out the one for toddlers ... I need some ideas.  I am thinking that it is only gonna get harder as she gets older.  I am just wondering if I should sit next to her at first while she falls asleep and slowly move my out the door or do I just say goodnight after our bedtime routine and walk out of the room coming back in as many times as it takes until she falls asleep?  I have a feeling she won't stay in her bed if I walk out before she is asleep.  I also should mention we have been experiencing some sleep issues the last few few days with naps getting shorter and waking again at night, ugh!   I am a mommy losing her patience:(  I know it is going to take some time and patience I just don't know where to start!?

I was at the end of my rope - I was lying with her for sometimes 2 hours every night before she would fall asleep and let me leave.  I was so frustrated and getting really resentful.  The move wasn't prompted by me wanting her out of her bed - it wasn't the WHERE she was falling asleep, it was the HOW.  I needed her to go to sleep on her own.

So, that's why I took the hard line of leaving when she gets put into bed.  I do snuggle with her for about 10 minutes and we talk about our day, etc.  But once I lay her down, that's it - I leave.  And I only come back if she won't settle and needs to be tucked back in.  

Honestly - she is usually happy to stay there when I leave because I have gone through the whole routine of tucking her in (counting the blankets as they go on), tucking in her stuffed animals next to her, offering her a drink from her water bottle, then asking which book she would like to look at.  Then, she is usually distracted and happy and doesn't mind that I'm leaving.

Maybe you could agree that you will sit there for 5 minutes before saying goodnight and leaving? 

[lifeguard]

What we did with ds was start about a week before we were planning to start the transition by telling him it was coming. Two more sleeps & you are going to go to sleep without mommy, etc.

Then for the first couple weeks I sat in the hallway where he could see me reading or playing on my laptop (I won't lie - this was not fun). Every time he got out of bed I reminded him he needed to stay in bed but if he was playing quietly in his bed I ignored him. If he got upset (which he did a few times) I would go in, retuck him & give him hugs & kisses. I would also tell him I loved him & that I was proud of him for going to sleep by himself, that I knew it was hard & uncomfortable to do something new.

We would have done that for only a week but he got sick in the middle of the transition.

Then we did a couple weeks of dh being in his office (right beside ds' bedroom) while he fell asleep.

Then we were able to switch to both of us being in the livingroom. It took about a month in all but we are very happy we did it. Most nights now he happily goes to bed & although he sometimes plays in his room quietly for quite some time us not having to be in there for hours (literally) has saved our sanity.

[mkksmom]

I did with my dd around that age was "forget" to do certain things and tell her I'll be right back. I'd have to go get a drink of water or brush my teeth soon it became, I'm just going to put this laundry away and I'll be back. I gradually increased the time I was gone. She started seeing that she could read her books and fall asleep on her own.
Edited by mkksmom - 6/8/11 at 7:07pm

[Honey693]

We moved DD to her own mattress (crib one) on our floor around 20 months.  She'll stay there as long as I'm in my bed.  We read stories, I tuck her in and do hugs and kisses then go read on my bed until she falls asleep.  If she's not tied but I am, I'll give her a few books to read in her bed until she gets tired.