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Where to socialize w/ vax's feel isolated

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 

 As we start looking for places that will welcome my child, I'm feeling like he unwelcome everywhere! Will I have to fight for an exemption every place we go? Anyone in No VA know of places to meet other no vax families? We might home school but right now our child is 1 year old but we don't want to stay home and have church nursery the only welcoming place he can play with other kids,... because they haven't asked yet! Even the church preschool looks daunting! Even the rec centers seem like they ask. If my child had HIV I think the'd be more welcoming!!! :( It's hard enough getting out with a small child but feeling unwelcome is very upsetting.

post #2 of 28

I'm not in VA, but my son is three and the topic rarely comes up.  We don't say anything and people don't ask...unless they are inclined to also not vax.  And if they're asking at school or wherever else, fine, but that is part of a child's private health info and shouldn't be discussed with other families or kids so it shouldn't become an issue that isolates you.  I wouldn't worry. 

post #3 of 28

Don't volunteer the information that your child is not vaccinated.

 

If someone asks if your child is vaccinated, say yes, unless it is a place that will be asking for verification, like school.  A lot of places that ask for vaccine status do not ask for proof. If you don't want to totally lie, you can say, "He is fully up to date on his vaccines." If you plan to never vaccinate him, he is up to date on your schedule, right?

post #4 of 28

no one has ever asked me and It typically doesnt come up.  people on my facebook i'm sure know, I've never had an issue with anyone caring but I hang out with  fairly crunchy or open minded bunch

 

post #5 of 28

My son is now fully vaxed (we were on a delayed schedule) but even so we have never once been asked about vaxes except for gov't run programs (ie: school). He has been enrolled in summer day camps, Y programs, church nursery, playgroups, story hours, etc etc etc. I am surprised it is coming up so often!

post #6 of 28

I live in AZ, a state as conservative as can be, and this has NEVER come up. My ped just shrugs when I say no to a vaccine. No other person or program has asked or said a word about it. How are you presenting yourself? Are you going out of your way to make an issue of it? Are you preaching about it, or telling other parents they shouldn't vax? Just curious as to why you are having so much trouble.

post #7 of 28

My kids are in all sorts of activities/programs and have been for years. The only places I've ever been asked about vax status is hospital stays and school, even our doc has never asked if I am delaying or refusing vaxs. I don't advertise or talk about our vax status with most people, I might even dodge a direct question depending on who and where it is coming from. Not vaxing has never been an issue with schools, I file the paperwork, and is the end of it. 

 

ETA: We did get a VPD a few years back, in our small community it was widely known at the time. I did have some people that refused to be around us for a while but it blew over. 

post #8 of 28


Quote:

Originally Posted by ma2two View Post

Don't volunteer the information that your child is not vaccinated.

 

If someone asks if your child is vaccinated, say yes, unless it is a place that will be asking for verification, like school.  A lot of places that ask for vaccine status do not ask for proof. If you don't want to totally lie, you can say, "He is fully up to date on his vaccines." If you plan to never vaccinate him, he is up to date on your schedule, right?


Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 

post #9 of 28

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by knitknit View Post


Quote:


Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 

 

The above response goes to show you how some parents who vaccinate don't even trust vaccines' effectiveness.  If I vaccinated my child (which I don't), I would hope I would feel confident that he could play with other kids, vaxed or not vaxed.  If I didn't feel confident, I surely would have to go back and reevaluate that decision.

 

To the OP, places like schools, etc, are always going to ask you for an exemption.  I'm not sure who else is asking you about vaccination status. I certainly wouldn't be ashamed of your decision to not vaccinate, but you certainly don't need to broadcast it to random people because it's no one's business. Your choice, your business.   It's not something that defines your child and shouldn't be what is required for children to be "socially acceptable," although realistically (and sadly) speaking, a lot of people choose to define it this way even after all of the controversy over vaccines, and even when their children are fully vaccinated they are still scared!  Go figure.

 

ETA: I would surround yourself with those who feel the way you do and ignore those you feel shunned by.  Maybe try Finding Your Tribe. There may be some parents in your area you can chat with.   There are more parents out there rethinking their vax decisions than you may realize. 


Edited by SilverMoon010 - 6/9/11 at 7:57am
post #10 of 28

It's not just vaxed kids... some kids (or their caregivers wave.gif) cannot be vaxed for medical reasons or are on immunosuppresive medications.  We choose not to hang around our friends when their kids are sick, because something minor (even chicken pox) can cause major problems in our household.

post #11 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by knitknit View Post


Quote:


Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 



If your kids are vaxed, you should have nothing to worry about.  That is what the vaccine is for, right?  Not to mention, do you know how many kids are not vaxed because their parents are lazy and negligent and don't meet any of their medical needs?  (Not saying vaccines are a medical need as we don't vax, but for a different reason than them).  Your kids are exposed to unvaxed kids all the time. 

 

post #12 of 28


Quote:

Originally Posted by knitknit View Post

Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 



OK, so you plan for your children to have play groups only with fully vaccinated children. Perhaps that's possible. Do you carry them around in a plastic bubble all other times? School? (The school isn't going to tell you, and are you going to go up to every parent and ask them individually)? Grocery store, movies? Trains? Planes? What about adults? Are you going to go up to every adult and ask them if they've either received every vaccine on the 2011 childhood schedule, or tested positive for immunity? Be realistic.

 

The OP wants to live a normal life, and there's no reason she shouldn't.

post #13 of 28

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautyful View Post

It's not just vaxed kids... some kids (or their caregivers wave.gif) cannot be vaxed for medical reasons or are on immunosuppresive medications.  We choose not to hang around our friends when their kids are sick, because something minor (even chicken pox) can cause major problems in our household.



That sounds like a good idea. Both vaccinated and unvaccinated people get sick. People vaccinated with live virus vaccines can shed and spread the virus even when they don't feel sick. If you don't do this already, I suggest you ask people to reschedule their visits if they've recently gotten a live virus vaccine. FluMist, rotavirus, chickenpox, and shingles vaccines are known to shed. There's also the possibility of MMR shedding, although I don't think it's as likely as the three other vaccines I mentioned.

post #14 of 28

My friends are all non-vaxers, and we selectively vax, so I'm not saying it's impossible for a vaxed kid to get sick.  I'm just saying we try to limit their potential exposure to anything in case they don't have full immunity.

post #15 of 28

I never said I shielded my kid from unvaxed kids. Where did I say that? I said that some parents (and playgroups) want to avoid unvaxed kids. There are social consequences to not vaxing and one should be prepared to accept them. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post





If your kids are vaxed, you should have nothing to worry about.  That is what the vaccine is for, right?  Not to mention, do you know how many kids are not vaxed because their parents are lazy and negligent and don't meet any of their medical needs?  (Not saying vaccines are a medical need as we don't vax, but for a different reason than them).  Your kids are exposed to unvaxed kids all the time. 

 



Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.



Quote:
Originally Posted by ma2two View Post


Quote:



OK, so you plan for your children to have play groups only with fully vaccinated children. Perhaps that's possible. Do you carry them around in a plastic bubble all other times? School? (The school isn't going to tell you, and are you going to go up to every parent and ask them individually)? Grocery store, movies? Trains? Planes? What about adults? Are you going to go up to every adult and ask them if they've either received every vaccine on the 2011 childhood schedule, or tested positive for immunity? Be realistic.

 

The OP wants to live a normal life, and there's no reason she shouldn't.


In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver. Non vaxxers by choice must go to private school. So yes, I can send my child to a school with a highly vaccinated population. 

 

post #16 of 28

 

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

If your kids are vaxed, you should have nothing to worry about.  That is what the vaccine is for, right?  Not to mention, do you know how many kids are not vaxed because their parents are lazy and negligent and don't meet any of their medical needs?  (Not saying vaccines are a medical need as we don't vax, but for a different reason than them).  Your kids are exposed to unvaxed kids all the time 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by knitknit View Post

Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.


Hmmmm, why are you on the I'm Not Vaccinating forum again?headscratch.gif

post #17 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by knitknit View Post

I never said I shielded my kid from unvaxed kids. Where did I say that? I said that some parents (and playgroups) want to avoid unvaxed kids. There are social consequences to not vaxing and one should be prepared to accept them. 
 



Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.




In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver. Non vaxxers by choice must go to private school. So yes, I can send my child to a school with a highly vaccinated population. 

 



*Please.*  People in the I'm Not Vaccinating board are not lazy and negligent.  They (and I) are making the choice we feel is best for our child given the circumstances.  You might consider that negligent.  Personally, I consider it negligent to blindly follow all medical advice without personally researching the benefits and risks for your particular child and family.  I am THRILLED that so many people vaccinate because as long as that continues, the chance of my kid getting a VPD are low, so I rarely even post on these boards.  Second, vaccines are mandatory here too, but I work in child welfare and can't tell you how many kids don't get vaxxed....and nothing happens.  I promise your kids are exposed more than you think to unvaccinated kids.  Why should those of us who choose not to vaccinate stand up and "own" our decision when there are tons of lazy thinkers out there who will automatically assume we are dangerous? 

 

post #18 of 28

 


Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post





*Please.*  People in the I'm Not Vaccinating board are not lazy and negligent.  They (and I) are making the choice we feel is best for our child given the circumstances.  You might consider that negligent.  Personally, I consider it negligent to blindly follow all medical advice without personally researching the benefits and risks for your particular child and family.  I am THRILLED that so many people vaccinate because as long as that continues, the chance of my kid getting a VPD are low, so I rarely even post on these boards.  Second, vaccines are mandatory here too, but I work in child welfare and can't tell you how many kids don't get vaxxed....and nothing happens.  I promise your kids are exposed more than you think to unvaccinated kids.  Why should those of us who choose not to vaccinate stand up and "own" our decision when there are tons of lazy thinkers out there who will automatically assume we are dangerous? 

 


clap.gif

 

I'd certainly rather do my own research and go against the grain than to be part of the "herd" and blindly take advice from groups/organizations that have no interest in my child's health and could care less.

 

Now that we were so rudely interupted by someone obviously trying to stir up trouble, maybe out of boredom, I wouldn't even waste anymore time on it.  Definetly no sense to be made theresmile.gif


Edited by SilverMoon010 - 6/9/11 at 11:22am
post #19 of 28

What country is this?  I'm kinda curious.  I didn't know there was a country that didn't allow at least religious and medical exemptions. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by knitknit View Post

In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver.

 



 

post #20 of 28
Thread Starter 

Ladies,I started this original thread. I didn't mean to "stir the pot". We have done a ton of research and we know they are putting dangerous stuff in the vax's. We aren't stupid and we will fight for the right health care for our son. Personally I haven't been the same since the Hep vax 's I got in the 1990's for my job. We just want to be proud of our research and knowledge and keep our son healthly and well socialized and not shunned. We have  our reservations about all the conventional parenting and we aren't liking the results in the children we see, so we are doing things differently. In VA we may have fewer rights than other areas of the US or other countries. I have issue with "informed consent" if we are informed and we DON'T consent and you force us, what kind of medical care is that?

 

My main question is were to find other children that aren't vaccinated OR activities that we can attend that don't require a vax history sheet before admission.  I just signed up for a AP MeetUp parents group. Perhaps they will be more welcoming than conventional groups.

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