Almost 3 year hardly plays with her toys/on her own??

[JanineRivera]

Hi Ladies,

My question is does your LO play in his or her room or playroom pulling out toys and basically play on his or her own?  My dd does not do this and I am asking this question because I have observed in her 2 best girlfriends that they do this.  I am wondering if this is just a personality thing or did I do something wrong along the way that didn't encourage this kind of play??  She will play with a couple choice things for a short time on her own or will lay or walk around talking/singing to herself but this does not last long until she asks me what we are gonna do next?  She seems to need me for all things "play" ... to be more accurate she seems to need me for everything.  It gets exhausted to have to be "on" all the time.  Mostly she wants me to read to her which is great but I get tired of doing that and would love it if she would pull out her toys and play.  What do you ladies think?

Thanks in advance!

[springmum]

I think it's a combo of personality/parenting, but not in a bad way.

My 3 yrd old DS is an extrovert, and gets his energy from being around people. If there is no one around - it's me! He is similar to your DD - loves to sing/play and talk....all day long.....

i hear you on being "on" and being tired! So I've started to set some limits...it's a work in progress.

I make sure to "fill his cup" with something that he wants/likes to do with me (not my original idea...Ive seen it suggested before)

The more I fill his cup, the more he is willing to play independently. Sometimes I set up and activity for him (get blocks out, playdoh, train track etc.) then leave him to it. Sometimes his cup needs a refill, and I'm willing to give him some undivided attention when he seems to really need it. Sometimes I only need to give him 5 min's, sometimes longer.

We do lot's of social activities too - getting out of the house with new/old friends helps to fill his cup too. Even just a walk around the block can do wonders sometimes.

Hope it helps a little :)

[JanineRivera]

Thanks Springmum ... good point about being an extrovert.  I didn't mention that but that is very true about my dd.  She seems to thrive when there is more than one other person around.  She is very outgoing and likes to interact with other kids.  I totally agree with the fill her cup idea ... I just have so little energy these days with being 6 months pregnant with twins that I know she is not getting all that she wants and needs from me.   I need to make more of an effort to pull out her toys and maybe play with her for a bit then leave her to it.  I wonder how that will work.  We hardly pull out her toys because I just plain don't want to play.  I feel horrible about that but it is the truth.  

[crunchy_mommy]

My DS's OT suggested for this to play with the kid for a little bit, and then walk away and do something else for however long they'll tolerate (10 seconds, 10 minutes, whatever) and then COME BACK and play some more. And gradually increase the time a bit... but make sure to always come back and continue playing when you say you will! And make sure they have something to do while you're gone ('continue putting this puzzle together').

I'll admit I'm not sure if it works, because DS has little interest in toys and I don't have any interest in them at all so we don't have many opportunities to practice. We do play together, but not really with toys, so I keep wondering if I messed up and that's why he doesn't play??? And my DS is not an extrovert, at least not in the traditional sense -- he's quite shy, although he does enjoy being out & about...

On the plus side, our living room (playroom) stays very neat & tidy since he doesn't touch the toys....

[springmum]

I hear you on not wanting to "play" - it's not a whole lot of fun for me either (and I'm not pregnant with twins, so I can only imagine how tired you are!) Maybe compromise with an activity that is the least painful/tiring for you (puppets, dress up, crafts, bubble bath in the middle of the day, shaving cream in the tub, puzzles - I'm just throwin' out ideas)

It really does make a difference for us, so the 5-10 min's (usually) of the activity is worth the independent play I can get after.

Also, do you have any friends that have kids that would be willing to come over for a playdate? I know cleaning up before/after playdates is sometimes more work, but maybe play in the backyard/basement? (not sure if those are options for you) 

Even an hour at a local indoor playground where there are usually some other kids is really great to burn energy and let him be around other people. The ones around us even have lot's of room to be able to sit and just observe the kids, so I don't have to physically follow him anywhere. Anything like that around you guys?

I totally use other peoples kids when I'm too tired or out of ideas for helping DS stay busy! I'm on the hunt for a girl over the age of 5 to be a mother's helper (in other words I would totally pay to have her come and just play with DS) b/c he LOVES older girls.....anything like that available to you guys?

Hope you get some relief soon from your little energizer bunny :) 

Originally Posted by JanineRivera 

Thanks Springmum ... good point about being an extrovert.  I didn't mention that but that is very true about my dd.  She seems to thrive when there is more than one other person around.  She is very outgoing and likes to interact with other kids.  I totally agree with the fill her cup idea ... I just have so little energy these days with being 6 months pregnant with twins that I know she is not getting all that she wants and needs from me.   I need to make more of an effort to pull out her toys and maybe play with her for a bit then leave her to it.  I wonder how that will work.  We hardly pull out her toys because I just plain don't want to play.  I feel horrible about that but it is the truth.  

[Anandamama]

My DD also has never like to play by herself for long. She is very social.  I too got tired of her needing constant company (me).  What I've done is arrange a lot more playdates!  Now that she's 4 and has had some of the same friends for awhile playdates are a dream - much less work for me!  I also am starting to make it more clear that it is not my job to entertain her all the time and there are times when she needs to play alone.  At first she resented this and would go off on her own and do something destructive if I wasn't watching her.  Now she's more used to it and more willing to be on her own for 20 or 30 minutes. Usually I need to get her started with something.  In the warm weather doing something outside with water will usually keep her occupied for a while.  I give her two big buckets of water, a watering can, funnels, etc.   Water, sand, dirt, rocks, pouring... these are the things that will keep most toddlers absorbed!

[konayossie]

My lil guy is the same way (though only 26 mos). He's never been into toys unless someone else will play with him with them (and even then he's not so much into the "toy" part of it). I also think it's b/c DS is a super-extrovert. I am majorly introverted and definitely miss my "alone" time. I'm taking the same approach everyone else has mentioned--lots of out-of-the-house interaction/stimulation. He's definitely more willing to play by himself when he's been around other people earlier in the day.