want to teach 14-y-o value of hard work, but he doesn't see reason for it

[Dancianna]

Any ideas on why he should work hard?

[whatsnextmom]

I don't think you can just tell a kid they have to work hard in life. They have to fine their own reason to work hard and then experience the feeling you get from accomplishing your goals that are meaningful to themselves. Once they understand motivation and work ethic in areas of their own interest, they can more see the value of working hard in areas they don't have any internal motivation for. Help you child explore different activities and interest. Encourage them to really pursue something.... preferably in a manner in which they are not only responsible to themselves but to their peers. That will help develop a good work ethic. It may not make them clean their room but having a passion and goals, working towards them, achieving... that is the best way to instill the value of hard work. Start with something he loves.

[Linda on the move]

just saw your post on the summer things to do.

He's old enough to be volunteering. Both my kids are required to do some volunteer work in the summer because:

1. its fun

2. its a chance to learn something new

3. its a way to make a contribution to our society

4. because you being here matters, but it's up to you to decide *why* it matters

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

I don't think you can just tell a kid they have to work hard in life. They have to fine their own reason to work hard and then experience the feeling you get from accomplishing your goals that are meaningful to themselves. Once they understand motivation and work ethic in areas of their own interest, they can more see the value of working hard in areas they don't have any internal motivation for. Help you child explore different activities and interest. Encourage them to really pursue something.... preferably in a manner in which they are not only responsible to themselves but to their peers. That will help develop a good work ethic. It may not make them clean their room but having a passion and goals, working towards them, achieving... that is the best way to instill the value of hard work. Start with something he loves.

O.k., I totally agree with you here.  In fact, I think a writers' group would be perfect, although he has not wanted to join one, as he feels shy about sharing his writing (which is a lot of fun to read but really unpolished.)  Not sure what else I can do.  Would like to see that room clean!

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

just saw your post on the summer things to do.

He's old enough to be volunteering. Both my kids are required to do some volunteer work in the summer because:

1. its fun

2. its a chance to learn something new

3. its a way to make a contribution to our society

4. because you being here matters, but it's up to you to decide *why* it matters

I think that's a great idea.  I want to present it to him.  I don't think he'll want to agree - and I'm not sure whether I want to "require" it, because I do require a minimal amount of work every day and he tries to tell me that that is overwhelming. 
 

[Linda on the move]

What do you require him to do? How much control does he have over what he has to do?

I pick my battles carefully. Bed rooms bring tidy isn't important to me. Its not my room.

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

What do you require him to do? How much control does he have over what he has to do?

I pick my battles carefully. Bed rooms bring tidy isn't important to me. Its not my room.

He has less than an hour's worth of chores each day, depending on the day; lawn mowing one day, emptying dishwasher and garbages another.  He's also homeschooling but we'll be done for the summer soon.  My concern is that he has had a friend over a few times recently and complained that it was so boring because there was "nothing to do" when he'd used up his screen time.  I feel his creativity has been thwarted by the computer being so much more exciting than anything he can think of to do on his own.

[karne]

Originally Posted by Dancianna 

He has less than an hour's worth of chores each day, depending on the day; lawn mowing one day, emptying dishwasher and garbages another.  He's also homeschooling but we'll be done for the summer soon.  My concern is that he has had a friend over a few times recently and complained that it was so boring because there was "nothing to do" when he'd used up his screen time.  I feel his creativity has been thwarted by the computer being so much more exciting than anything he can think of to do on his own.

I'm not sure what that has to do with your son seeing the value of hard work?  Chores in our house are really more about being part of a community together, and keeping our family community running smoothly.  I would not say that they are approached with great vigor and an ethic of hard work though!  There are definitely grumblings, but we dn't really pay that much attention to it as long as everyone is pitching in.

My dd also does volunteer work.  My feeling is that "real work", and doing a job well can be much more inspiring than at home chores.  Sometimes kids will see the value of what they're doing very differently when they are outside of the home and the responsibilites, and feedback, are coming from others.

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by karne 

I'm not sure what that has to do with your son seeing the value of hard work?  Chores in our house are really more about being part of a community together, and keeping our family community running smoothly.  I would not say that they are approached with great vigor and an ethic of hard work though!  There are definitely grumblings, but we dn't really pay that much attention to it as long as everyone is pitching in.

My dd also does volunteer work.  My feeling is that "real work", and doing a job well can be much more inspiring than at home chores.  Sometimes kids will see the value of what they're doing very differently when they are outside of the home and the responsibilites, and feedback, are coming from others.

I was just answering a question from a previous poster in terms of chores.

What you say about doing a job well done makes good sense to me.  Seeing the value of what they are doing could help with him learning that working hard is a good value to have.  Thank you.
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Dancianna 

He's also homeschooling but we'll be done for the summer soon.  My concern is that he has had a friend over a few times recently and complained that it was so boring because there was "nothing to do" when he'd used up his screen time.  I feel his creativity has been thwarted by the computer being so much more exciting than anything he can think of to do on his own.

He can't go anywhere and you aren't there to do things with him, right?

I think boredom in that situation is REALLY normal, and that seeing that the situation is a tough one to be in might help you communicate with him. I also don't think the real problem has anything to do with liking hard work.

When my kids have friends over, they like to play games like Magic the Gathering or D&D. They like to cook with their friends (pizza from scratch and chocolate chip cookies are favorites). They do spend time on line with friends, mostly showing each other stupid you tube videos. They like to play Wii, and I'm amazed at how many hours they can play Super Mario Cart with a buddy.

Finding and supporting a hobby for your son would help with blocks of time when he is alone. Building models is fun for lots of kids (like model airplanes). Both my kids like to draw, and we have art supplies. Our library has a summer reading program for teens, and they are both doing that, which is mostly an alone-at-home-activity.

We also went through our book collection and gathered all the stuff they are done with, and then traded it in at a used bookstore for new stuff, which is also helping them stay busy.

[Dancianna]

I really appreciate these great, practical ideas!  btw, my guy also loves to share stupid youtube videos with his friends.  It is fun to hear them laughing in the next room.  I like the other ideas, though, because anything on-screen he's fine with - but I think that has to be limited, because there are so many things to do and learn in the real world.  I'm going to give him your suggestions.

[karne]

If you do end up looking at some volunteer work this summer, it might be helpful to do a little prep work, ie at least be aware of what opportunities might be available, esp. anything that might tend toward a particular skill, strength or interest of his.  You could  let him do all of the research on his own, but I find that sometimes a few "ideas" jump start things.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by karne 

  You could  let him do all of the research on his own, but I find that sometimes a few "ideas" jump start things.

My kids needed help (and lots of it) to find places to volunteer. Many places don't allow those under 18 to volunteer, and the thankless task of making those phone calls was mine.

There are weekend things, such as helping with an pet adoption day. And our library uses teen volunteers on Sat and Suns.

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by karne 

If you do end up looking at some volunteer work this summer, it might be helpful to do a little prep work, ie at least be aware of what opportunities might be available, esp. anything that might tend toward a particular skill, strength or interest of his.  You could  let him do all of the research on his own, but I find that sometimes a few "ideas" jump start things.

Thank you - great thoughts.  We're trying to get our dog certified as a therapy dog, so he may be able to do that, but one of us adults in the family will need to accompany him due to age restrictions.
 

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

My kids needed help (and lots of it) to find places to volunteer. Many places don't allow those under 18 to volunteer, and the thankless task of making those phone calls was mine.

There are weekend things, such as helping with an pet adoption day. And our library uses teen volunteers on Sat and Suns.