Ideas to stop screaming behavior!!

[janasmith]

Hi!

I have a 14 month old daughter and she recently started screaming about everything...all day!!  Not crying screaming, just a really loud shrill scream.  I've tried ignoring it, I've tried a firm "no" (but she just smiles at me..ugh!), I've tried using sign with the verbal "stop" or "no," but nothing is working!  She does it when she's mad, when she wants something, when I'm doing something she doesn't like (changing diaper), when she's tired and grumpy, and even when she's just playing by herself!  She has always been such a happy and laid back baby, so this is really not like her behavior we've been used to the first year!  I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to stop this very aggravating habit she's developing!!  This is my first child, so it's all new to me!  But, I've always loved the "Mothering" articles and views, so I am hoping someone can help!!!  Thanks!!

[alyadri]

I remember my daughter doing this too - and it's SO frustrating!

I find that behavior like this is purely because it's been given attention.  I think there are 2 things you could do - First, distract her.  Everytime she starts screaming say something like "ooooh do you hear that? oh my gosh, I think there's a bunny rabbit under the bed"  and then make it into a game.  Most kids are easily distracted and after enough re-direction she will forget about the screaming.

2nd idea: When she starts screaming you could say "That hurts my ears" and then simply walk away.  Any attention she thought she was going to get is gone.  At first it will probably make her upset and she'll scream for a while but eventually she'll realize that screaming will not get what she wants.

Hope this helps!

[janasmith]

Thank you for the ideas!  I actually tried the second idea this morning!  She was in her  highchair and started the screaming, so I just stopped what I was doing said that it was hurting my ears and walked away in the other room (she can still see me though).  My question now is what do I do when she starts crying?  Do I wait until she stops crying to give her the attention again?  Or do I console her?  This morning I let her cry/fuss, until there was a quiet moment, then I quick went over there and said "oh, you stopped screaming, thank you!" and gave her a kiss. I'm hoping this works for her, but not sure if I"m doing it right when she starts crying!  Any ideas about that?  Thanks so much for your help!!

[alyadri]

Originally Posted by janasmith 

Thank you for the ideas!  I actually tried the second idea this morning!  She was in her  highchair and started the screaming, so I just stopped what I was doing said that it was hurting my ears and walked away in the other room (she can still see me though).  My question now is what do I do when she starts crying?  Do I wait until she stops crying to give her the attention again?  Or do I console her?  This morning I let her cry/fuss, until there was a quiet moment, then I quick went over there and said "oh, you stopped screaming, thank you!" and gave her a kiss. I'm hoping this works for her, but not sure if I"m doing it right when she starts crying!  Any ideas about that?  Thanks so much for your help!!

Glad this helped.  I think you should do whatever feels right.  If you think she's crying to throw a fit perhaps waiting until she's done is the best answer but if she's truly upset I would go and console her.  I think it was awesome that you explained why you left.  "oh, you stopped screaming, thank you!" I couldn't have said it better myself.  I think rewarding her for stopping the behavior is also very important whether it's by giving a kiss, hug or a high five.  I absolutely wouldn't give her any treats or stickers though - that might only perpetuate the problem.

[Anandamama]

Yes, it might help to be dramatic to illustrate how it hurts your ears. Cjustover your ears with your hands and say, "oh! ow! ow! that really hurts my ears!" Make a pained face.  Then, just as you did, give her positive attention when she stops.  You could also try empathizing with her: "Did you feel frustrated when you couldn't get the ____ when you wanted?  Was that hard for you to wait?"  Helping to give words to her feelings is one step, then encouraging her to "use your words" (or signs) can empower her to have more tools than screaming.  Even if she can just say, "help!" or "no", that's far better than screaming.  When she does you can give her more positive reinforcement by being very responsive when she communicates in a better way.  Help her to get her needs met quickly and thank her for using her words or signs.  I know she's young, and I don't know how good her comprehension is, but if you are consistent she'll start to get the picture.  Good luck!