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Your experiences with a 3rd child

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

I'd love to hear about them...

 

We're thinking about a third.  I know I want one, but I just don't know if it's smart.  It's more important for me to be a good mama to the ones I already have.  I can make peace with that if I need to.  If we decide to go for it, I'd be aiming for fall 2012, when DDs would be 5 1/2 (starting kindergarten) and 3. 

 

How do you deal with the chaos?  Of balancing everyones needs?  The hardest part of 2 for me was not having that time with DD1 anymore.  Do you ever sleep? 

 

For some reason, even though I don't think I want it less, a third seems optional to me.  I already have a perfect family and my life is just starting to get easier.  I don't even know how to imagine or consider the older years, as my oldest is only 4. 

 

I'd love to hear how you did it!

post #2 of 14

My dd was 4 and my ds was 2 when my third was born.  He was the most content, easy going baby and now pre teen EVER.  He didn't cry until he was a month old (snorted when hungry), smart, funny, go with the flow kind of kiddo.  The only thing I wish we could have changed is he is pretty shy around people, although getting better.  He didn't talk to anyone except me until he was 5, unless he absolutely had to.  He started talking to some people at 5 and has gotten progressively chatty but when compared to his sister who is one of those teens who goes out of her way to be noticed and his brother who is a highly competitive athlete, he really prefers to be in the background.

post #3 of 14

My 3rd is a very happy easy toddler. I co-slept and nursed on demand. He learned how to find his way to a nipple and rarely disturbed my sleep. My biggest challenge was laundry. He was a huge spitter. He was a pro at missing the cloth getting every article of clothing including shoes dirty. I also vowed to never have two in diapers. My first was potty trained before I got pregnant with the second.

post #4 of 14

We needed our third. He brought an element of joy to our family that we didn't have, and didn't know we lacked.  Each kid is a totally unique individual, so while they bring their own needs and extra work, they also bring their own personalities and new facets to the family dynamic.

 

Yes it was chaos for the first year.  Just pragmatically, 3 small children is chaos.  But I don't regret it for a moment.  I didn't even regret it when he stopped being adorable and became an impossible 3 year old.

 

He's 4 and the others are 6 and 8, and life is so much easier now than it was then.  I am glad we had him, and I hope we'll have more, too.

post #5 of 14

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post #6 of 14

My 3rd was also my easiest baby, he turned into a regular toddler though! My other kids were 6 and 2 when he was born, my oldest was a HUGE help and honestly how we made it through every day. I could put on a movie, hand her the baby and go take a shower, eat, or put DD2 down for a nap, she'd sit next to him in the car and keep him happy.

 

It is chaos, they are 8, 4, and 2 now, I've got one more coming this summer. Someone always needs something, the fighting as they get older. Something always seems to be happening with at least one, illness, phase, etc... Balancing needs is hard, and frankly sometimes impossible, one might feel left out, but you just can't make everything right/fair for everyone all the time. DD1 started school a couple months after DS was born, I missed out on a lot in her classroom. Volunteering, class trips, I still rarely get do anything at her school. The older she gets the harder it has been to juggle the siblings, a 8y and a 2y can play together for a bit but she also deserves the chance to do older kid activities without always having a toddler that has to join in. 

 

My 3rd never seemed optional, I needed that child, my 4th was the optional one in my mind. In the end, baby decided to come before we had made a decision, one of those meant to be things I guess. I've enjoyed the dynamic of 3 children. It is different, we spilt up the family often now, and I do things like use sitters far more just to accomplish basic tasks or to help with that balancing act. I was watching them today at the beach, in a line, biggest to smallest on a treasure hunt. They looked like a flock of ducklings out there. Those are the moments that make all the craziness worth it. 

post #7 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

My 3rd was also my easiest baby, he turned into a regular toddler though!

 

My 3rd never seemed optional, I needed that child, my 4th was the optional one in my mind. 

Both of these are oh-so-true for me, though my 3rd is only 9m old. He was the easiest baby but is a mischief maker now that he is on the move. I desperately wanted and needed a third and couldn't be happier we have him. As someone said upthread, he brings us all so much joy. Is it crazy some days? Yes, it's crazy most days, and I wish they sold patience in capsule form. But that's what you get with three kids under 5!

 

My DDs were 4y2m and 2y8m when he was born, and it has been a pretty easy transition on them. Neither of them knows life without a sibling since they are less than18m apart. I firmly believe that each sibling relationship adds such richness to each child's life that it outweighs the further split of parental attention. The whole, "Love multiplies, not divides," thing.

 

post #8 of 14

You sound like me right before I got pregnant with #3. I could envision my life with just the four of us even though on some level I wanted a third. Plus, I was done with diapers and I could take them swimming by myself.  My boys were 3 and 5 when dd was born. For us, the third was easy peasy. She just goes with the flow. She was sort of a surprise and I was so worried about how I would handle three kids. It seemed like I could barely manage the two I already had some days. No doubt about it, it gets crazy sometimes and sleep and alone time are both scarce. I have a hard time finding a place on my lap for three kids and it is harder to find a sitter for three than two. I simply can't meet everyone's needs at one time and we just prioritze the best we can at the time. I miss the one on one time with my oldest especially.  None of that, outweighs the gentle spirit and the joy she has brought to our family. It is awesome when the three of them have a tea party or a lightsaber duel. They have each brought a gift to our family that completes us.  

post #9 of 14

I was just talking with DH about this yesterday.  I want another, but feel very happy with the 2.  If we have another, we want 4 so there is even numbers.  I don't feel done, but how do you know when you are?

post #10 of 14

My son is 6 and my daughter is 4, and we just had our littlest son 2 weeks ago. I was pretty worried about how the dynamic would change while I was pregnant, but now that he's here it's amazing - I am so much better at being a mama than I was with the first two, it's wonderful. Nursing was easier, diapers are easier, going out with a tiny one is easier. It's not as hard to share my attention as it was when we went from one to two.

 

We decided to have this third at a dicey time - money is tight and some might have decided that it was not a good time to add a kid to the mix. But I really wanted that third, and I'm not getting any younger. I also wanted my daughter to be closer in age to him - 4 years is far enough apart! 

post #11 of 14

I had a 8yo and a 21 month old when I had my third. She was a surprise blessing hence the close age. BUT it was wonderful and I could have not planned it any better! It was busy of course mainly because I still was nursing 2, cosleeping with 2 and parenting to sleep (the thing I was most worried about through the whole pg).  DH was working a lot and so I was on my own a lot. 

 

It is a different busy but just like going from 1 to 2 you just deal and it is really no big deal. I love watching them interact and they are so sweet together. I think that you learn how to make it all work. For my oldest we did "cuddle time" after I got the little 2 to sleep and we would read, or talk, or play a game during that time but that was her one on one time with me. We really looked forward to that every evening.

 

They are now 11, 5 and 3 and life is much easier then when they were babies but louder and busier in a different way. : )

post #12 of 14

I had twins first, and knew I wanted another when they were tiny.  I think what I knew I wanted was a chance to have ONE baby.

I got pregnant when they were just turning two, which means that they were not quite three when she was born. That was not easy, because I feel that I missed some of their preschool wonderfulness because I was preoccupied with being pregnant or with a newborn.

 

Now though, they are close enough to play together, and the boys really don't remember a time with out her. She was a very easy baby, or perhaps I was an experienced mother. I do think three is a nice size for a family, and I feel that it's the right size for ours.

 

Some things to consider:  3 kids usually means a minivan, since squeezing 3 car seats into a regular car is either impossible or difficult, depending on the seats in question.  And, you are now outnumbered.

post #13 of 14

my kids were 2 and 4 when my 3rd was born.  i must say, he was my hardest baby of all, and i wasnt expecting that.  he cried a ton as an infant, is very tempermental, etc.  i didnt get much sleep and he did take a lot of time away from my other 2.  after the first year, it got a lot easier though.  he has added so much joy to our family, and i cant imagine life without him.  and as they all get older (they are now 2, 4, and 6), life is getting a lot easier for us.  my life is chaotic, but i think that is true for most parents, regardless of the number of children.  and it must not have been THAT bad, because i am now expecting #4 (another planned pregnancy) :o)   

post #14 of 14

My third (and last) is seven years old. It all seems so easy and fun now, and life is generally pretty good. If I had written this seven years ago however, I would have presented a far different picture of what life is like with three!

 

My third was my most challenging baby by far.  I often say that if he had been my first, he'd have been an only child! But as Reebekah stated in her post, he too added so much to our family and he is definitely incredible.  I am sure that I would say the same should we have had three or four more, however. Once they are with us, you normally don't wish your children away. Heh.  I think the important thing to remember is that when they are little, the work sometimes seems endless and tiring, but our kids are always well worth the sleepless nights in the end. The trick, I think is to get through the exhausting part and get to the GOODS! LOL

 

 

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