My mom came for a visit and my confidence is now gone... - Page 2

[demetria]

As a mom who has unschooled 2 boys since birth, you sound like you are on the right track.

People don't always get it, but trust yourself and your children.

You can't learn more about the world that when you live in it.

I couldn't pay my kids to go to school, as teens all of their friends wish they were unschooled and all the parents say how smart, sweet and happy my kids are.

You can do this. I would love to be so close to the beach especially when my boys were little.

Originally Posted by mamamoogs 

I am feeling a bit alone and confused after a visit from  my mom out of state (we were are orginally from), we unschool our 6 year old almost 7 DD and 4 yr old DD we live in an area where there arent many homeschoolers around and my DD is very shy about playing with schooled children, we did go to a co-op one day a week but that is over till sept and it is quite far away so we wont be going much this summer which means we may not see her friends she has made in that group, we have lived in this area for three years and I myself havent made much friends at all, a few moms we see here and there but not many... My oldest takes art class for two hours every monday so she is with kids then. Our days consist of going to the beach a couple of hours taking walks and going to the playground and a few trips to the store  thrown in here and there, but my children spend their days with me...

Mom comes to town and tells me we do not live normal lives kids should be in school where they will have friends ( my girls dont want to go to school they are quite happy being schooled at home by me) I mean we arent super social but my kids do play with others at the playground art class swim lessons ... they were both in ballet last year, so we arent exactly isolated.

our 6 yr old isnt reading yet and doesnt seem to be ready at this time, she knows her letters and all the sounds and a ton of sight words but wont sit down and read a book, she says she cant, so we dont push she does a bit of addition and subtraction each day, she can write beautifully, she loves to draw and make art projects and loves to color she is a wiz on the pc...  my 4 yr old loves to color and watch a bit of tv and she too is a wiz on the pc... she is learning her numbers knows her alphabets and can recognize a few numbers and letters on paper.

I felt we were doing great until the horrid visit from mom now I am starting to wonder if this whole homeschooling is going to work, and I am questioning why my DD isnt reading yet and doesnt show any desire to learn to.  I dont know what to do I am very upset so I figured I would come here and get some advice from all of you.  If I have to hear one more time from my mom how my 6 yr old niece is reading and has tons of friends I am going to scream!  I love where we live it is beautiful and freeing and I so dont want to be back into a boring get up go to wrok drop kids off at school lifestyle but at the same time I am afraid I am doing the wrong thing..  thanks for reading.

[riversmommy]

It's so wonderful to see that others also don't want to go back to the "boring get up to go to work, drop them off at school lifestyle" !!!!! I need to hear someone say that to keep MY confidence up!

Also, the article at Homefires.com on My Homeschooled Children Are Odd and Yours Will Be Too, is amazing! I was homeschooled my whole life and I STILL question homeschooling from time to time, like I still wonder if I'm properly "socialized". Haha! I've been dealing with that word since I was 6 years old. It's a lifestyle choice that's swimming upstream pretty much...er, forever. But I got to do so many amazing things with my life without living in a box, and I can only hope my children get some of that too.

BTW, we believe in beach time in a big way in this family also! :)      

[queenofchaos]

There's a really good book about why it's better to let kids learn to read at their own pace "Better Late Than Early" by Raymond Moore.  If you haven't read it already, it will give you solid reasons for the path you are choosing for your children. 

Taking criticism from a parent is difficult.  Just remember the reasons why you are doing what you are doing.

[lightinmyhands]

My mom is a teacher and it's impossible for her not to tell me that I'm doing my children a disservice by unschooling.  But she's got no trust in a child's desire to learn because all she knows is school and school kills that desire.  At the beginning I did a lot of reading, John Holt is my personal favorite.  For awhile I told myself that I just had to trust him for a little while and see what happened.  And before I knew it my seven year old did start to read (with hardly any instruction from me) and I've just been watching her open up recently.  Turning 7 was her turning point, she wants to know about her world, interact with it on a more grown up level.  She still plays, but not the same way she once did...she now incorporates reading and math into her play :)  (joseph chilton pearce talks in his book "magical child" about the transition that happens at 7).  Anyhow, she's just as bright as can be, always asking questions that if I can't answer she asks me to google for her.  And I'm finding that all of a sudden she does 'know' a lot of stuff and i've 'taught' her hardly anything at all.  We just share in this life experience together, and some days that looks like trips to aquariums and children's museums and other days it looks like a couple of phonics or math worksheets, but mostly it looks like playing and reading and cooking and cleaning.  And all the while she really is learning! I say, thank your mom for her care in concern but listen to your heart and trust your children (and the amazing evolutionary process that brought our species here...... if we didn't want to learn, we'd still be single celled organisms!   Happy unschooling.

[hildare]

you know, no matter what you do with your kids, and how well you feel they're doing, your parent or anyone else who is heavily invested in the public school system (or private school for that matter) is not going to see the results as positive.  it's important to maintain their faith in what they do, why else would they teach? 

having worked in a school system, and having observed people in denial about the very obvious failures in the system, i really believe that teachers-- while they mean well-- have to have a great amount of buy-in, and therefore denial when it doesn't work.  that also means they have to convince themselves that methods that don't involve schooling aren't effective.  i REALLY wouldn't take it personally.  if your mom saw things your way (and correctly ;)  ) she'd have to think about whether her education and career have been worthwhile; it's much easier to deny reality than to question one's reason to keep going, you know?

op- sorry, i thought i read your mum was a teacher too.. sorry... but it sounds like your family is wonderful, just ignore the naysayers and keep on keepin on....

Edited by hildare - 8/16/11 at 8:25am