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So did the mods really just leave us on our own here? - Page 2

post #21 of 71


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by P.J. View Post

Me too. A month after joining I made the faux-pas of saying how healthy it can (CAN, in certain circumstances) be letting a baby cry in loving arms (NEVER alone!). As you can see from my emphatic parentheses, I am still kind of paranoid about it. I got an official warning that those kinds of posts aren't welcome here. I am as anti-CIO as anyone here and was shocked that I wouldn't be welcome because I had a colicky baby and after weeks of trying everything I saw the value in letting him be colicky.

 


yes, I spent a month suspended from mothering for comments I made about how homeschooling can mask special needs. They were seen as not supportive of homeschooling, and the board was support only.

 

My kids homeschooled until they were 10 and 12 and some of the woo that gets repeated on the homeschooling board all the time isn't true if your child has LDs or SNs. Some other former homeschoolers with special needs kids have left mothering over this issue.

 

The party line in the homeschooling community is that when kids are developmental ready, the will just learn the things they need to very easily.

 

IMHO, it's true for some kids, but not for others. For some kids, buying into that just delays getting them the real help they need from professionals to reach their potential. Yet the party line gets repeated all the time on the homeschooling board here -- moms are told over and over not to worry that their child is obviously behind.

 

But the truth is the people saying that have never met the child, and don't have a clue if the mom should be worried.  Sometimes, moms should be worried and call in experts.

post #22 of 71
Thread Starter 
I agree with you linda.
post #23 of 71

Sing it sister!  I've been through this myself. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post


 


yes, I spent a month suspended from mothering for comments I made about how homeschooling can mask special needs. They were seen as not supportive of homeschooling, and the board was support only.

 

My kids homeschooled until they were 10 and 12 and some of the woo that gets repeated on the homeschooling board all the time isn't true if your child has LDs or SNs. Some other former homeschoolers with special needs kids have left mothering over this issue.

 

The party line in the homeschooling community is that when kids are developmental ready, the will just learn the things they need to very easily.

 

IMHO, it's true for some kids, but not for others. For some kids, buying into that just delays getting them the real help they need from professionals to reach their potential. Yet the party line gets repeated all the time on the homeschooling board here -- moms are told over and over not to worry that their child is obviously behind.

 

But the truth is the people saying that have never met the child, and don't have a clue if the mom should be worried.  Sometimes, moms should be worried and call in experts.



 

post #24 of 71

Mamita, did you report the name-calling? The mods here still do moderate but they tend to wait for a report, rather than reading every thread looking for violations. They were getting burnt out from the heavy moderation.

 

I prefer light moderation, myself.

post #25 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post




The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 


Can you please explain this to me. Maybe I really tired, but Im reading it as if you do think its CIO if they are in daddy's arms. Im confuzzled smile.gif
post #26 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamitaM View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post




No, it's not easy.  I've been chased out of forums before as well and it did hurt.  I learned a lot, but people were much harsher in their posts than anyone would have been in person. Sometimes you really do just have to accept that a thread isn't working out for you and leave it, never to look back (or at least not until your curiosity can reconcile with your hurt feelings).  When I first started homeschooling and frequenting the homeschool board, I said that I thought it was ok for social workers to monitor homeschoolers.  O.M.G.  the responses to that!  I've since changed my stance (with the help of some gentle posts on that thread and life experiences), but I was completely taken by surprise by those responses.

 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt worst of all"wink1.gif

 




I did my best to ignore them and to leave the threads they were in where the problem started,the followed me to other threads.


same here, i cant tell you how many people are on my ignore list lol 

 

post #27 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post




The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 




Can you please explain this to me. Maybe I really tired, but Im reading it as if you do think its CIO if they are in daddy's arms. Im confuzzled smile.gif

no she's doesnt think that, she's using that as an example because she was saying letting the baby fuss in your arms is not CIO and she got slapped on the wrist by a mod for it but other people were saying basically the same thing (daddy) and it was fine.

 

The old UA was very subjective, i've gotten warning several times over some ridiculous things that other people got away with all the time, very frustrating
 

 

post #28 of 71


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post




The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 

 

Oh I know, there are many such threads. Since my baby was colicky and we all suffered so terribly, I am the first one to jump in with a hug and offer advice when mamas lament about their crying babies.

I think what I did "wrong" was cite a controversial book (The Aware Baby) and say the specific damage it can cause if a child's emotions are always suppressed (for example, by shoving a boob in its mouth every single time it complains). I was told that it's not allowed here to suggest that a mother not comfort her hurting child. 

Since then I was always careful how I worded what I said. I never meant to say you shouldn't be there for a hurting child, just that sometimes we all need to express our pain. Sheesh! I guess I'm still upset about it.

 

Yeah, I am glad there's less moderation now!

post #29 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by P.J. View Post


 

 

Oh I know, there are many such threads. Since my baby was colicky and we all suffered so terribly, I am the first one to jump in with a hug and offer advice when mamas lament about their crying babies.

I think what I did "wrong" was cite a controversial book (The Aware Baby) and say the specific damage it can cause if a child's emotions are always suppressed (for example, by shoving a boob in its mouth every single time it complains). I was told that it's not allowed here to suggest that a mother not comfort her hurting child. 

Since then I was always careful how I worded what I said. I never meant to say you shouldn't be there for a hurting child, just that sometimes we all need to express our pain. Sheesh! I guess I'm still upset about it.

 

Yeah, I am glad there's less moderation now!




You know, my first was the baby to shove the boob in her mouth because that almost always fixed what was wrong. (She still eats a ton today at age 6) My DS (16 months) really just needs to complain sometimes. He gets angry when he wants to complain and I try to boobify him. LOL Different personalities and all that.

post #30 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post




The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 




Can you please explain this to me. Maybe I really tired, but Im reading it as if you do think its CIO if they are in daddy's arms. Im confuzzled smile.gif


I don't! In fact, I'm one that says "My son just needs to cry it out sometimes and we do it in arms...he's been like that since birth." 

 

 

 

I think the current moderation level is closer to real life. Well, as close as the internet can be. When you say something IRL and people disagree there isn't a mod there to step in and say, "Now take that back!!"

post #31 of 71
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post

Mamita, did you report the name-calling? The mods here still do moderate but they tend to wait for a report, rather than reading every thread looking for violations. They were getting burnt out from the heavy moderation.

 

I prefer light moderation, myself.


I did report everything that happened and I got warnings from the mods. I was called names that were really hurtful and untrue. I also asked the people nicely to stop following me (I didn't know about the ignore feature then) and had quite a few e-mails back and forth with abimommy to get the issue solved,but it didn't do anything.
post #32 of 71

I am not sure how I feel about it, but I have never been banned before.  My only reasoning is that I have been following the VERY heated "Should we pay welfare mom's to stay home with their kids" thread and someone called someone else a twit and basically said they don't know what they are saying and only repeat things they heard from Glenn Beck.  Super disrespectful IMP and nothing was done about that even though the moderator is watching the thread.  I thought that was pretty crappy.

post #33 of 71
MamitaM, if there are posts here calling you names, please PM me with a link (or just post here) and I'll take care of it. That's still not okay, and we are still here moderating. We're just hoping that more things can be taken care of without our help...

And I just want to broadly state, not aimed at anyone in particular, that oftentimes, it seems to me that what members think happened to them as far as interactions with moderators is substantially different from what our notes (copies of PMs and posts, generally) show happened. Sometimes that's because the members wasn't aware of other moderator actions on that thread, because of course we don't tell Member A what sort of infractions Member B got... so A may feel like everyone was name-calling and being mean but she was the only one who got in trouble. Other times a member may have received repeated warnings for the same thing, and perhaps the one for the time that finally leads to suspension (the 9th one, I believe) didn't seem so bad... but it was the 9th time (probably more, because we would usually just give reminders for the first couple of times) that member said something in a way that was mean or sarcastic to another member, and by then we figured she knew what was and wasn't allowed. To the member, though, it may have felt like she got suspended for something pretty minor, not for the accumulation of things.

Anyway, I hope things are better now, and we can find the right balance...
post #34 of 71
Thread Starter 
Oh Dar!!!! You never took are of it! Neither did any of the mods or admins that I talked to about the issue. I fucking LEFT and dealt with it on my own and came back when I felt a little stronger. I have very little faith in the mods here.
post #35 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post

I am not sure how I feel about it, but I have never been banned before.  My only reasoning is that I have been following the VERY heated "Should we pay welfare mom's to stay home with their kids" thread and someone called someone else a twit and basically said they don't know what they are saying and only repeat things they heard from Glenn Beck.  Super disrespectful IMP and nothing was done about that even though the moderator is watching the thread.  I thought that was pretty crappy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamitaM View Post

Oh Dar!!!! You never took are of it! Neither did any of the mods or admins that I talked to about the issue. I fucking LEFT and dealt with it on my own and came back when I felt a little stronger. I have very little faith in the mods here.



Please use the report button to bring it to our attention. I know several times I've posted on a long thread without reading the entire thing.

Also, I'd like to mention that when opening up the UA to give members more freedom, it also gave members more responsibility to make MDC the kind of place we want it to be by posting responsibly, helping get things back on track, reporting UAVs, etc.

We also gave every member a clean slate WRT previous violations, and in my personal dream world lol.gif it would be nice if members could maybe extend that to moderators as well. joy.gif
post #36 of 71
I'm offering to take care of it now, if there are posts up there calling you names. I can't speak to what happened before, because I don't know what thread you're referencing, or what posts, and I don't think I was involved. I don't know if there were different interpretations of the posts, or if posts were edited, or what happened. But it's clearly still upsetting you, and so if there's something currently posted that you think violates the User Agreement (quoted above, and name-calling would) then I'm offering to help and to deal with it.... with the entire board as witnesses.

If you just want to vent and complain, well, that's okay too... but I'm offering.
post #37 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post

I am not sure how I feel about it, but I have never been banned before.  My only reasoning is that I have been following the VERY heated "Should we pay welfare mom's to stay home with their kids" thread and someone called someone else a twit and basically said they don't know what they are saying and only repeat things they heard from Glenn Beck.  Super disrespectful IMP and nothing was done about that even though the moderator is watching the thread.  I thought that was pretty crappy.



Were they just parroting Glenn Beck? I have a hard time thinking something is disrespectful if it is factually true.

post #38 of 71
Thread Starter 
Oh I have very little faith that any mod or admin will do anything for me now. It was a long time ago and I had a different user name then and I'm not about to go back and search for those threads and posts where I was attacked. Dar we did talk about it back then. I took my complaint (links and all) all the way to the top dog here and nothing happened.
post #39 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamitaM View Post

Oh Dar!!!! You never took are of it! Neither did any of the mods or admins that I talked to about the issue. I fucking LEFT and dealt with it on my own and came back when I felt a little stronger. I have very little faith in the mods here.


I went back in your history 7 pages and could not find what you were referencing.  If you were working it out with Adina, then I feel pretty confident that she did what she could.  You haven't said what that thread was or given any real information except to accuse us of letting you be abused.  

post #40 of 71
Okay... FWIW, we do still have a rule that you can only have one username.

Anyway, though, I have no idea who you are, or were, and you're apparently not willing to tell me that, or tell me what threads upset you, or really do anything that might help resolve things... so you've effectively tied my hands. I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish by posting about it, then. What is your goal here, exactly?
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