So did the mods really just leave us on our own here? - Page 3

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by poorlittlefish 

I am not sure how I feel about it, but I have never been banned before.  My only reasoning is that I have been following the VERY heated "Should we pay welfare mom's to stay home with their kids" thread and someone called someone else a twit and basically said they don't know what they are saying and only repeat things they heard from Glenn Beck.  Super disrespectful IMP and nothing was done about that even though the moderator is watching the thread.  I thought that was pretty crappy.

I am the moderator you're talking about here.  I am watching it, although I see there about 30 posts on that thread that I haven't looked at yet.  Cleaning up a thread isn't as easy as you may imagine.  I have to go through and find whatever was said, all of the quotes and replies, look at what led up to it and maybe removed those posts and replies so that the comment doesn't just get said by someone else, ask and wait for edits, etc.  The GB comment stood because I decided that it was too enmeshed in the thread to easily remove and with the removal of some of the other posts (as well as one account that was closed by request), everyone had moved on from it and was onto other subjects.  If they had stayed stuck on that comment without being able to move past it, that would be another story.  Thirty new posts is quite a bit of activity overnight, so I'm a little sceered to go look

[MamitaM]

Originally Posted by Dar 

Okay... FWIW, we do still have a rule that you can only have one username.

Anyway, though, I have no idea who you are, or were, and you're apparently not willing to tell me that, or tell me what threads upset you, or really do anything that might help resolve things... so you've effectively tied my hands. I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish by posting about it, then. What is your goal here, exactly?

nak-

i do only have 1 account and 1 user name here. i'm telling you this only to remind you that sometimes bullying has been allowed on mdc and mods/admins have handed out spankings a little to often to some people. i talked to abimommy about the issues i was having and no help was given.

[Amys1st]

I have several years on this board and I myself watched the board get way way too moderated.

OTH, there were some crazy bullies back in the day. A few come to mind that just would  go into a specific forum and just cause huge drama. There was a mama whose story changed, she had 4 kids in some posts but 5 in others. She was very against Vaxes. Went in to the preemie/nicu forum and gave those poor mamas a few riots  that were hurtful at one end and hysterical how low someone would go at the other. She eventually moved on to a few more forums and did the same on the TAO area. Since I was a GA, I saw it firsthand. Finally after about 10 of these incidents, finally was banned. It took months.

Then there was another one on the SAH area who would give her sob story in huge posts. People would respond and she would agree. 3 pages into the thread, she would state- nope keeping it the same! Then start the same issue all over again a few weeks later. Those threads would go on for months.

Over the years, I know and recongnze several members so I know to avoid, hit ignore or know exactly how the thread will turn out.

Sorry you felt bullied and judging from your frank and forward language, its still hurtful to you.

[MamitaM]

Thanks Amy,yeah it still stings what those other mamas did to me and how the mods didn't do as they should have. They actually blamed me and I got into shit for standing up to myself and asking in the threads that a person stop following me around and of they couldn't be supportive to just stop making comments.

I'm angry and that's part of the reason for my beautiful language,but I'm also just liking the fact that I won't get my mouth washed out with soap anymore for it

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by MamitaM 


i do only have 1 account and 1 user name here. i'm telling you this only to remind you that sometimes bullying has been allowed on mdc and mods/admins have handed out spankings a little to often to some people. i talked to abimommy about the issues i was having and no help was given.

I agree.  I freaking LOVE the SPL, but I'm not a fan of much of the rest of MDC anymore.  It's as though you have to fit exactly the right "mold" to be an "OK" MDC member.  A non-vaxer feels offended?  OH NO!!!!  SIRENS!!!!!  STOP IT!!!!! hand slaps all around.

A vaxer feels offended b/c she was told that she's poisoning her kids?  Oh well, be more responsible about how you post.  Too bad so sad. 

A BF'er feels offended?  OH NO!!!!  SIRENS!!!!!  STOP!!!!

A FF'er feels offended?  Oh well, MDC is not supportive of FF'ing.  It kinda sucks here. 

The SP and SPL are awesome, and I love my fellow single mama's, but I am very disenchanted with the rest of MDC lately.  It's so judgmental and nasty (unless you're the perfect mama).

[Dar]

Originally Posted by MamitaM 

Oh I have very little faith that any mod or admin will do anything for me now. It was a long time ago and I had a different user name then and I'm not about to go back and search for those threads and posts where I was attacked. Dar we did talk about it back then. I took my complaint (links and all) all the way to the top dog here and nothing happened.

Originally Posted by MamitaM 


i do only have 1 account and 1 user name here. i'm telling you this only to remind you that sometimes bullying has been allowed on mdc and mods/admins have handed out spankings a little to often to some people. i talked to abimommy about the issues i was having and no help was given.

Well, you first said this happened a long time ago when you had a different user name, and then you said you had only one account.... so I am confused. Nothing like you said has happened on this account.

[AdinaL]

I am hearing that a lot of people are very happy with the recent change in moderation.  I am also hearing that several of you were very unhappy with how things played out in the past.

We recognize that the moderations did indeed need to change.

I will say though that we cannot change anything that happened years ago.  We are unable to go back and make wrongs right, we cannot go back and change the moderation/moderators/admin.

I understand the need to vent and get out frustrations, but if there is something that needs to be addressed that is current, it needs to be brought to me. Directly.

Suffice it to say, the mods have not entirely left you on your own.  Yes, our moderation style has changed.   

[MamitaM]

Originally Posted by Dar 

Originally Posted by MamitaM 

Oh I have very little faith that any mod or admin will do anything for me now. It was a long time ago and I had a different user name then and I'm not about to go back and search for those threads and posts where I was attacked. Dar we did talk about it back then. I took my complaint (links and all) all the way to the top dog here and nothing happened.

Originally Posted by MamitaM 


i do only have 1 account and 1 user name here. i'm telling you this only to remind you that sometimes bullying has been allowed on mdc and mods/admins have handed out spankings a little to often to some people. i talked to abimommy about the issues i was having and no help was given.

Well, you first said this happened a long time ago when you had a different user name, and then you said you had only one account.... so I am confused. Nothing like you said has happened on this account.

Not that confusing Dar. It happened I was bullied. Bullied and beaten so much that I had to leave and regroup and take care of myself before I got to badly hurt. I came back with a new account/new name so no one could continue to berate me for the choices I was making that some didn't agree with me on. Of course I couldn't come back using my former username b/c the mods/admins won't allow me to change a name even for my safety (unless I pay?) and I had to protect myself.

[AdinaL]

Without knowing who you were, or what happened, there is really no way to address this.  

[MamitaM]

No,there really isn't,but if it does happen again I hope ya'll do yer jobs.

[Drummer's Wife]

Do you want to share what, exactly, happened, MamitaM?  It could be like therapy, and maybe you could get some insight as to what went down.  It might help you process it all and move on.  There are some great people on here, and there are plenty of times when we are not all going to agree.  No one should be made to feel awful, but I understand that it happens.   I'm sorry you felt bullied. 

As a reminder, the mods here work for free and are volunteering their time spent away from their family to help keep this community intact.

[AdinaL]

Originally Posted by MamitaM 

No,there really isn't,but if it does happen again I hope ya'll do yer jobs.

I think that perhaps, if you have a complaint about how things are *currently* handled, you need to bring it to me.

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife 

Do you want to share what, exactly, happened, MamitaM?  It could be like therapy, and maybe you could get some insight as to what went down.  It might help you process it all and move on.  There are some great people on here, and there are plenty of times when we are not all going to agree.  No one should be made to feel awful, but I understand that it happens.   I'm sorry you felt bullied. 

As a reminder, the mods here work for free and are volunteering their time spent away from their family to help keep this community intact.

The mods are volunteers.  And they try very hard to do a good job.  

I would ask that we not use this thread to name names about who did what when.  Many of our mods are now retired, and it is not fair to name them and bring things up without them available to participate in the discussion.  We ask that you don't do this for other members, and we ask the same for moderators. 

It sounds like it was a very frustrating and painful interaction, and is taking a long time to process. For that, I am very sorry MamitaM.

[MamitaM]

Thank you. There really isn't much that can be done now,the damage has been done all ready. I can't remember the names of all the bullies or the all the mods that I talked to during that time either. I think tht statute of limitations has probably run out I understand the mods aren't paid and they don't have an easy job,but yeah they probably could have done better b/c it was quite clear what went down at the time and reports were made.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by MamitaM 

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom 

No, it's not easy.  I've been chased out of forums before as well and it did hurt.  I learned a lot, but people were much harsher in their posts than anyone would have been in person. Sometimes you really do just have to accept that a thread isn't working out for you and leave it, never to look back (or at least not until your curiosity can reconcile with your hurt feelings).  When I first started homeschooling and frequenting the homeschool board, I said that I thought it was ok for social workers to monitor homeschoolers.  O.M.G.  the responses to that!  I've since changed my stance (with the help of some gentle posts on that thread and life experiences), but I was completely taken by surprise by those responses.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt worst of all" 

I did my best to ignore them and to leave the threads they were in where the problem started,the followed me to other threads.

I'm sorry you felt your problems were ignored, but we can't go back and change things. So the only thing we can do is to move forward and try things a new way. I hope things are going smoother for you this time.

Personally, I'm loving the new MDC! I had a few threads in the beginning of the change where I cringed and had a bit of a rough time with them. And then...everything worked out on it's own! Things went exactly as they were supposed to. I'm not saying everything has been smooth sailing, but in general, I love the more open atmosphere!

[amnesiac]

Originally Posted by Amys1st 

I have several years on this board and I myself watched the board get way way too moderated.

OTH, there were some crazy bullies back in the day.

I think that this is accurate & I definitely think that some of the things that were done were in an effort to help create a comfortable & respectful atmosphere to facilitate productive discussion. But sometimes things don't end up having the positive impact that was intended. I am really pleased to see a lighter UA & I am hopeful that it will allow us all to share our diverse perspectives a little more freely.

I can certainly say that we, the moderators, have not abandoned you. Please do understand though that we cannot always read every single post so there may well be things we miss. Also understand that we are not always online - we have families to care for, jobs in & outside the home, school to attend, etc. - so it may be a while before we see things & have a chance to work out issues with the other mods.

I think that we do rely on all of us working together as a group to create the kind of community we enjoy. We love to see threads where members can discuss differing views respectfully & learn from each other, working out any misunderstandings along the way. I also think that none of us mind talking with anyone about anything. We never mind a heads up PM saying "hey, did you see this?" or even a PM saying "I really don't dig that you did XYZ & this is why I think you should reconsider..." as long as it's done respectfully.

[KittyKat]

Wow! Very interesting.

I am hoping this leads to more constructive conversation here. I know some thoughtful posters left because they felt they couldn't say what they thought, even respectfully, without risking being banned.

I've experienced several different message boards. The ones that seem to have the "healthiest" community are ones where disagreement and discussion are tolerated, even encouraged, as long as it doesn't move from "discussion" to insults and trolling. You can have healthy discussion and even disagreement (and you might even learn something!) without crossing the line into bickering.

[lalaland42]

Well, I have been at the receiving end of a warning or two or more and I'd like to say that I think the moderators did a good job of enforcing the (formerly overbearing) UA. LOL I wouldn't want to enforce that UA. It barely made sense. 

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by MamitaM 

Thank you. There really isn't much that can be done now,the damage has been done all ready. I can't remember the names of all the bullies or the all the mods that I talked to during that time either. I think tht statute of limitations has probably run out I understand the mods aren't paid and they don't have an easy job,but yeah they probably could have done better b/c it was quite clear what went down at the time and reports were made.

Don't blame the mods. The mods had to enforce the letter of the UA, and there was sometimes very little wiggle room. So, not the mods' faults.

I agree that the former UA was too much, and I like that the rules are more relaxed. I do, however, think that some things (non-ap, non-gd) shouldn't be allowed. This is my safe AP space, and I'll be very sad if I lose it.

[MusicianDad]

On the topic of the old UA, I'm still smarting from the time I got warned, twice, about talking about the MDC layout in a thread other than the one specifically designed for concerns, questions, and suggestions...

I just made a random comment, that met none of those qualifications, but apparently the first rule of MDC used to be "You don't talk about MDC, even in MDC."

I for one am happy they so thoroughly weeded out the UA.

[Snapdragon]

I am copying this paragraph I wrote in a thread I started just now in TAO because it is my opnion- I want the moderation back!

There sure is some weirdness going on here at MDC these days. How I see it- it was this AP "crunchy" board. Some people who don't agree with some of those types of things felt that this board was too rigid. And in general some people feel that some AP parents are too critical. So then people started expressing things that are not AP like for lack of better term. And felt liberated in doing so. But, now there are a whole lot of people on MDC who have different views on things than the original core theory of this forum. And now those things are infiltrating into the whole. But I think it feels unsettling. I understand why some people think people are too rigid. But this has moved beyond that.   I mean- since the whole recent upheavel I now regularly see threads with long discussions involving spanking (such as- I spanked but what should I have done- which to me ( I haven't read that thread just the title) is a very uncomfortable thing to read about. Or threads about locking a toddler in her room at night. Or threads by people acting violently to theri children in some way (at least in the way I perceive it) and personally it makes me sad! I miss the moderation that happened to keep those types of things out. I don't have some conclusive point here. I understand how some peop[le want this to be a more inclusive and less exclusive type of forum. I do plenty of non perfect or whatever things, but I ultimately strive to be as gentle and loving of a parent as I can be, that is all. I mess up and  make mistakes and test limits of where my comfort lies. But I am just a little sad about a certain sense of gentleness and respect for certain peaceful values that I used to find on MDC. Now I feel like people are so concerned with letting everyone have a free voice and their own opionions that there is not as strong of a place here to promote and discuss some of the original core values that brought htis forum together. There are so very many new posters- I have noticed- people with 1,2,3, or 4 posts- writing about things that are sometimes uncomfortable to me- as I mentionmed examples above. And- I don't know. There is somehow not such a coherent welcoming community on here right now as I used to find. I personally would like the old moderating system to return. I felt safer in that type of forum.