So did the mods really just leave us on our own here? - Page 4

[Cynthia Mosher]

You might want to vote in the poll here: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1317690/moderation-of-mdc-what-do-you-think

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by Snapdragon 

I am copying this paragraph I wrote in a thread I started just now in TAO because it is my opnion- I want the moderation back!

There sure is some weirdness going on here at MDC these days. How I see it- it was this AP "crunchy" board. Some people who don't agree with some of those types of things felt that this board was too rigid. And in general some people feel that some AP parents are too critical. So then people started expressing things that are not AP like for lack of better term. And felt liberated in doing so. But, now there are a whole lot of people on MDC who have different views on things than the original core theory of this forum. And now those things are infiltrating into the whole. But I think it feels unsettling. I understand why some people think people are too rigid. But this has moved beyond that.   I mean- since the whole recent upheavel I now regularly see threads with long discussions involving spanking (such as- I spanked but what should I have done- which to me ( I haven't read that thread just the title) is a very uncomfortable thing to read about. Or threads about locking a toddler in her room at night. Or threads by people acting violently to theri children in some way (at least in the way I perceive it) and personally it makes me sad! I miss the moderation that happened to keep those types of things out. I don't have some conclusive point here. I understand how some peop[le want this to be a more inclusive and less exclusive type of forum. I do plenty of non perfect or whatever things, but I ultimately strive to be as gentle and loving of a parent as I can be, that is all. I mess up and  make mistakes and test limits of where my comfort lies. But I am just a little sad about a certain sense of gentleness and respect for certain peaceful values that I used to find on MDC. Now I feel like people are so concerned with letting everyone have a free voice and their own opionions that there is not as strong of a place here to promote and discuss some of the original core values that brought htis forum together. There are so very many new posters- I have noticed- people with 1,2,3, or 4 posts- writing about things that are sometimes uncomfortable to me- as I mentionmed examples above. And- I don't know. There is somehow not such a coherent welcoming community on here right now as I used to find. I personally would like the old moderating system to return. I felt safer in that type of forum. 

There have always been posts where mom comes here and is sorry that she spanked. She wants to do better but lost her temper. Difference is, the posts were by longtime posters so we "knew they wanted better" so she got a bunch of *hugs mama* responses. Now those types of posts are also made by relative newbs so their discipline techniques are automatically suspect.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

There have always been posts where mom comes here and is sorry that she spanked. She wants to do better but lost her temper. Difference is, the posts were by longtime posters so we "knew they wanted better" so she got a bunch of *hugs mama* responses. Now those types of posts are also made by relative newbs so their discipline techniques are automatically suspect.

And, as someone that has posted such a thread before, I always felt like I had to spend half of my thread explaining that yes I know spanking is wrong and what happened to cause me to do it...instead of just being able to say, "I did it. I'm not proud of it. Let's move on and get advice." Threads were pulled in the past if spanking was mentioned but not torn to little bitty pieces each time...or that's how it felt.

[Snapdragon]

I am all for helping a parent who is genuinely coming here for advice on how to be a more gentle parent. It just seems that there is more and more discussion of these types of things than there used to be.

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by Snapdragon 

I am all for helping a parent who is genuinely coming here for advice on how to be a more gentle parent. It just seems that there is more and more discussion of these types of things than there used to be.

Snapdragon, I am not sure what you want. If you want people to learn more gentle ways to discipline, then posters will need to come here, say what they did and ask how they can do better. If you just want to whitewash the fact that people spank, well, no one is going to learn. 

[kmeyrick]

What bothered me about the old UA was that it seemed to be very selectively applied. I liked the expectations that people be gentle and respectful, but was flabbergasted at what was never addressed. For example, the attacks on anyone who doubted the safety of UC. The attacks on Jewish mothers who circumcised. The "All Adoption Is Child Abuse" no matter what. And it wasn't for lack of reporting.

I think the board is too large for both heavy moderation and too light moderation. On smaller boards you can let the snark fly because you just know the people better and it's like fighting with annoying relatives at that point. On this one you can't do that.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by Snapdragon 

I am all for helping a parent who is genuinely coming here for advice on how to be a more gentle parent. It just seems that there is more and more discussion of these types of things than there used to be.

I would guess that this is because people aren't as afraid of being mod spanked as they used to be.

[kungfufugirl]

Gosh...I am so sorry to hear there has been so much negativity around here recently!  I haven't been on in a few years but just came back as I am on pregnancy bedrest so I have plenty of time.  I don't remember seeing this type of negativity before.  I would think that women who come here do so b/c they value the spirit of motherhood--the loving, nurturing, and graceful art of being a woman.  I am brought to the verge of tears that women who proclaim to live this way in their own homes would not have an ounce of the same to share with other mothers, whether they tend to agree with them or not.

[Hesperia]

Originally Posted by P.J. 

Me too. A month after joining I made the faux-pas of saying how healthy it can (CAN, in certain circumstances) be letting a baby cry in loving arms (NEVER alone!). As you can see from my emphatic parentheses, I am still kind of paranoid about it. I got an official warning that those kinds of posts aren't welcome here. I am as anti-CIO as anyone here and was shocked that I wouldn't be welcome because I had a colicky baby and after weeks of trying everything I saw the value in letting him be colicky. I was so pissed and left MDC for about a month before tiptoeing back and ever-after watching what I say. I do appreciate that out-and-out CIO advice is not welcome here and have even flagged a couple posts that were recommending leaving the baby alone to cry at night. However, the old UA was just too strict IMO.
 

That is so freaking not CIO. CIO is a technique used to (try to) control your baby and their sleep patterns. Holding a crying baby lovingly is parenting, gentle parenting in fact! Heck, when I cry, sometimes I NEED to be held, and not told it is okay, or it will get better, or try this, or how is that....just to cry. Crying is a normal human behaviour, and should be respected. Pfft. Hugs

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by kmeyrick 

What bothered me about the old UA was that it seemed to be very selectively applied. I liked the expectations that people be gentle and respectful, but was flabbergasted at what was never addressed. For example, the attacks on anyone who doubted the safety of UC. The attacks on Jewish mothers who circumcised. The "All Adoption Is Child Abuse" no matter what. And it wasn't for lack of reporting.

I think the board is too large for both heavy moderation and too light moderation.

That last sentence sums it up. 

I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but SUPPORT has traditionally been the name of the game on MDC.  I can go just about ANYWHERE on the Internet to hear somebody try to scare me or even satanize me for my choices in childbirth, vaccination, etc.  And there's a time and place for debate.  But I do miss the MDC that I could go to as a refuge for collaborating with like-minded mamas....and for getting a break from all of the Mommy Wars that have come to dominate the rest of cyberspace. 

A woman choosing a home birth has plenty of places online where people will try to scare her out of her choice; why make MDC one more place for that?  I can go pretty much anywhere online to hear what a bad, irresponsible Mommy that I am for disobeying CDC vaccination recommendations; why would I want to hear more of it here when I just have questions specific to a selective vaccination schedule?  A reasonable amount of moderation made MDC unique in a positive way. 
 

[ImaSophie]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

Snapdragon, I am not sure what you want. If you want people to learn more gentle ways to discipline, then posters will need to come here, say what they did and ask how they can do better. If you just want to whitewash the fact that people spank, well, no one is going to learn. 

I agree, I think changing the UA was a good step. If we want people to learn something new how can we do that if we don't allow open and empowering discussion? If on the other hand the goal is not truly to educate and empower families if the goal is really just to circle the wagons and pat our selves on the back for what a good job we are doing being so crunchy and AP, well then keep the things the same. I hope sincerely that education and support is the goal, that is the sort of community I want to belong to. I had closed an account in the past because it got to be way to much and instead of learning/growing/sharing I felt I had nothing to offer because my journey was not completely the same. SO for a long time I was content with just getting my Mothering magazine in the mail, now that is no longer possible so I am happy to see the MDC community attempting to evolve.